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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Original poster

Pregnant and thinking of leaving my partner

17 replies

fi2907 · 21/08/2024 13:29

Hey, so me and my partner have been together for 2.5 years now. I'm currently pregnant and really don't see this relationship working anymore.

Briefly to explain some of our issues, he likes to always be out, his job allows him more flexibility with his day to day time and i work a 9-5 so I'm only free in the evenings but he will most times be busy during these times and we don't spend much time together at all.

I try to sleep around 10am but because he usually ends up coming home after that I stay awake so I can spend some time with him.

Literally 2 nights ago we sat down and had a discussion on our relationships, problems and how we could solve them. And they were that he would focus more on me and our family now and his job, not his friends and just his own entertainment. He said he will make more of an effort to surprise me and things like that and that he will make me a priority. Just to be clear, I know I'm not faultless in this, I get very emotional and cry a lot but I thunk that's because I just want a good, healthy and happy family life with him.

Anyway, last night he kept lying to me saying he would be back in 30 mins, he didn't come home until 1am! He also didn't answer his phone for 3 hours which I spent calling and calling. All the while my anxiety and stress was through the roof. I spoke to his parents and my mum and told them that I can't do this, that I love my baby more than I''ll ever love him and I want my child ti be bought up in a house where there is love and happiness, not what we are doing right now. When he finally came home he kept apologizing and promising that he'll change, bu the always does this, and never changes. I spoke to him briefly last night but tbh there wasn't much I could say but my main points were: that he is evil for not answering his phone once to let me know that he is okay when I'm nearly 7 months pregnant and just ignoring me knowing that I'm calling, I told him that I don't deserve a partner or family life like this I could have met a man who would do these things without hesitation and that he is a child and not ready for a child yet.

Honestly, I'm stuck right now, I feel like a failure if I leave him but he has ruined my whole pregnancy experience and it's one thing I'll never forget, how he has been so nasty to me. I'm just weighing up all the options as currently we stay at my mums and I'll be going on mat leave soon but do not have the funds to sustain myself and the baby as I only get SMP.

I always want to make it clear that for like 80% of the time we get along amazingly and he really is a best friend to me but its just when things are bad they get really bad.

Any help of advice would be greatly appreciated.

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 21/08/2024 13:32

Kick him out. This man child will never change.

readyforroundthree · 21/08/2024 13:59

This man (child) will never change, he's too emotionally immature and selfish. Pack up his stuff next time he swans off out and leave it on the doorstep. Until he can prove that you and baby are priority there's no point him being there causing you this much stress. Financially you will get SMP and he will have to pay maintenance. I would also suggest you going on turn2us.co.uk (assuming you are in the UK) to find out what benefits you may be entitled to. You won't get any rent help as you are living at home, but you may still get a bit extra to top up your maternity pay.

Comedycook · 21/08/2024 14:09

How old are you both?

Original poster
fi2907 · 21/08/2024 14:16

Comedycook · 21/08/2024 14:09

How old are you both?

We are both 25

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 21/08/2024 14:18

I can't believe you are putting your parents through this nonsense. He just swans in and out of their home at all hours, anytime he feels like it? Good grief, get rid of him.

Original poster
fi2907 · 21/08/2024 14:18

readyforroundthree · 21/08/2024 13:59

This man (child) will never change, he's too emotionally immature and selfish. Pack up his stuff next time he swans off out and leave it on the doorstep. Until he can prove that you and baby are priority there's no point him being there causing you this much stress. Financially you will get SMP and he will have to pay maintenance. I would also suggest you going on turn2us.co.uk (assuming you are in the UK) to find out what benefits you may be entitled to. You won't get any rent help as you are living at home, but you may still get a bit extra to top up your maternity pay.

that's exactly how I see him, tbh he wasn't any better before I got pregnant but it didn't impact me as much as it does now that we're bringing a child into this world. Yeah I've seen those calculators and it's still basically nothing compared to my current salary and what he would help with.
I dont know what my best move is here because clearly speaking to him doesn't change anything :(

OP posts:
Original poster
fi2907 · 21/08/2024 14:23

Aquamarine1029 · 21/08/2024 14:18

I can't believe you are putting your parents through this nonsense. He just swans in and out of their home at all hours, anytime he feels like it? Good grief, get rid of him.

tbh he wants to move out asap with me but I've told him I'd rather be close to my mum esp in the first 6 months when the babies born. And I wouldn't want to be alone with just me and him as I'd get worried about my mental health deteriorating

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 21/08/2024 14:29

fi2907 · 21/08/2024 14:23

tbh he wants to move out asap with me but I've told him I'd rather be close to my mum esp in the first 6 months when the babies born. And I wouldn't want to be alone with just me and him as I'd get worried about my mental health deteriorating

Show quote history

Where does he want to move to, and how close to you think you need to be?

2mumlife · 21/08/2024 14:47

fi2907 · 21/08/2024 14:23

tbh he wants to move out asap with me but I've told him I'd rather be close to my mum esp in the first 6 months when the babies born. And I wouldn't want to be alone with just me and him as I'd get worried about my mental health deteriorating

Show quote history

I wouldn’t want to be alone with just me and him as I’d get worried about my mental health deteriorating

This tells you all you need to know that this is not a relationship that is worth continuing. Tell him to move out of your mums. See if he changes his ways over the next few months or not.

wickerlady · 21/08/2024 14:53

Why have you made a decision to have a baby with him?

Xur · 21/08/2024 15:02

I’m sorry but I don’t think he is ready to be a father, he might potentially have an alcohol or a drug problem.
Most cases these people either never change or they mature in their 30s.
Staying with him and having a baby would be like having two kids at the same time.
It will never work out like this. My friend kicked her ex partner out for excessive drinking and not helping with the childcare 4 months post partum and it turned out well. He was never present, never interested and even when the child had a surgery he never made effort to come see him.
And imagine this was already after she kicked him out, it’s like having a stranger for a father, but they were together for years before they got pregnant.
This is your potential reality.

Olika · 21/08/2024 15:12

You think it's bad now, just wait until the baby is here and you have to deal with him in a state of sleep starvation and having a small baby to take care of. Just end it now as he isn't exactly enhancing your life.

readyforroundthree · 21/08/2024 15:25

fi2907 · 21/08/2024 14:18

that's exactly how I see him, tbh he wasn't any better before I got pregnant but it didn't impact me as much as it does now that we're bringing a child into this world. Yeah I've seen those calculators and it's still basically nothing compared to my current salary and what he would help with.
I dont know what my best move is here because clearly speaking to him doesn't change anything :(

Show quote history

I think you already know what you need to do. Obviously benefits won't be as much as your current full time salary but any top up income whilst your off work is better then nothing so I would still apply for it.

Original poster
fi2907 · 21/08/2024 16:11

wickerlady · 21/08/2024 14:53

Why have you made a decision to have a baby with him?

why i have and why i haven't isn't very relevant or helpful right now... people make mistakes continuously throughout their life. Would rather think of my present and future and how I can try make the best of the situation than why i did this and that.

OP posts:
Original poster
fi2907 · 21/08/2024 16:12

Aquamarine1029 · 21/08/2024 14:29

Where does he want to move to, and how close to you think you need to be?

Show quote history

hes okay with moving anywhere, but i would want to be walking distance from my mum.

OP posts:
Original poster
fi2907 · 21/08/2024 16:15

Xur · 21/08/2024 15:02

I’m sorry but I don’t think he is ready to be a father, he might potentially have an alcohol or a drug problem.
Most cases these people either never change or they mature in their 30s.
Staying with him and having a baby would be like having two kids at the same time.
It will never work out like this. My friend kicked her ex partner out for excessive drinking and not helping with the childcare 4 months post partum and it turned out well. He was never present, never interested and even when the child had a surgery he never made effort to come see him.
And imagine this was already after she kicked him out, it’s like having a stranger for a father, but they were together for years before they got pregnant.
This is your potential reality.

Edited

noooo, he doesn't drink or smoke or do anything like that he just simply likes to be out with his friends, he doesn't like being at home too much. But I've told him I like to do things too I dont just want to be at home constantly myself

OP posts:
Mrsgreen100 · 17/04/2025 19:05

If if you’re seven months pregnant and calling him and he’s not picking up for three hours and he’s just out with his mates, I’m thinking there’s something a bit more going on. You really need to think about what it be like bringing up children with this guy, it sounds like he’s checked out the relationship with hindsight. I wish I’d done the same and checked out when I was pregnant instead of putting up with years of the bullshit that follows.

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