Second birth after traumatic first

[Mered12]

I’m 26 weeks with my second due Nov, I had a really bad first birth which resulted in being rushed to theatre, having forceps, an episiotomy, 3rd degree tear and haemorrhaging. I had a consultant appointment a week or so ago and he said it’s ultimately my choice which kind of birth I have for the next explained the pros and cons of both. My recovery was really really hard with my last and I was convinced I wanted an elective c section so I had control over my birth and also not do any further damage (tearing again) as I don’t think I will recover the same or have to have an emergency c section.
however, I have been having extreme anxiety over c sections the last few days thinking of the worst possible outcomes and what if something goes wrong reading statistics about all the things that can go wrong 🙈
has anyone been in a similar situation, what was your second birth like what did you choose?

Similarly I had a traumatic first, and was planned for an elective CS for 2nd. I then had premature labour at 32 weeks, although they managed to stop it and I stayed on home rest. At 36 weeks I had a stroke and had an emergency CS. I would definitely recommend a CS, as even with emergency surgery and a stroke I was in a less bad state than after my first delivery, and recovered very quickly from both thank goodness.
Unfortunately pregnancy and childbirth are some of the riskiest things a woman can do, and your mental health is as important as your physical, especially when you have an older child to care for.
Best of luck whatever you choose.

I had exact same experience to you with my first, which lead to a difficult physical and mental recovery. I too seriously considered an elective section for the reasons of gaining control over feeling like everything went off plan and out of control with my first labour. As it turned out I went for natural and wrote a plan that detailed what happened first time around and how I want to feel as much control over things as possible whilst keeping baby and me safe. My nan told me that once you've had forceps and episiotomy your subsequent labour's are a breeze. I didn't buy it, but there might be some truth in it as I had great second and third labours with great recoveries. I did hypnobirthing classes for both which I believe got me mentally prepared and enabled me to stay calm during the labours, would highly recommend.

Hi
I had a pretty much identical sounding birth to you. I would like another baby all being well and personally I would opt for a vaginal birth if possible. As someone else on this thread said you know what can happen and can almost plan for it which with my first I felt completely out of control. The reason I wouldn’t opt for a c section is because there is no guarantee of there not being complications regardless of which birth type you have. Also a c section recovery can also be quite bad. However where I differ from you is my recovery first time around I actually didn’t find too bad. I think I was lucky with how I healed as it wasn’t painful.

My first birth was horrific. I truly think I'll be mentally scarred forever. Physical recovery was absolutely horrendous too.

I opted for a c section for my second birth. The mere thought of operations terrify me but it was a no brainer for me given the trauma first time around. It was calm, I - strangely - felt in control, absolutely no trauma and my recovery was such a breeze.

I'd advocate for elective sections all day long but I appreciate your concerns. For me, it was fantastic.

Following with interest. My first birth sounds identical and I'm so torn (no pun intended).

Petrified of the thought of a C-Section but also lucky I healed as well as I did down there and really don't want to risk long term damage.

Have you been offered any specialist support during labour if you chose vaginal or have you considered a doula?

I had a traumatic emergency c-section with my first.

I had a VBAC a month ago.

Based on my experience I would avoid a c-section unless absolutely medically necessary. Good luck

Aw wow thank you for all your messages! No he didn’t say there would be any specialist support if I went naturally, just said obviously there’s risk of haemorrhaging again as I did in my first birth and also risk of tearing again but he said they’d ensure they’d have my blood there ready on the date of my c section incase I haemorrhaged then said the recovery from a c section can be quite hard.
It seems people have had mixed experiences with their second birth but it’s just such a tricky choice deciding what’s best. I have a midwife app week after next so might have a chat with her.
I still get some soreness during sex and also going for a poo (sorry tmi) which is making me think will I just tear again and then not recover properly at all that’s my main concern 🙈 thank you for sharing your experiences so nice to feel like your not the only one out there!

It’s not quite the same but I had a traumatic first one resulting in an emergency c section so for my second I was told to have an elective c section and it was the best experience; it felt like it gave me a lot more control and certainty which really helped my anxiety. I know things can go wrong but I felt safe about it.

I had a terrible first birth which ended in an emergency c section, I had a nasty uterine infection, I haemorrhaged during the c section and needed a blood transfusion. I had PTSD and PND and it was a really miserable time and massively affected the bond with my baby for at least 6+ months.

Second time around I opted for an elective c section and I have no regrets. I was really worried about haemorrhaging second time around but it was all fine and I had absolutely no PND.

I had a traumatic first birth and felt panicky throughout my second pregnancy in case I went into labour again. I knew from the start I wanted an ELCS but got very nervous as it approached. I also worried about worst case scenarios and horror stories.

The surgery itself was fine. The staff were so kind and caring. It was controlled and I was totally pain-free. We had a playlist on and I have lovely associations of my DC2 being born whenever I hear one of those songs.

Recovery has been harder though than my first birth but I didn't have forceps or haemorrhage with the first. First 48 hours I struggled to stand and walk but after that I'm surprised how quickly I got back to normal. I'm 10 weeks pp now and can do everything again. I have numbness on the scar site and can live with that. For me, nothing would have made me give birth in an nhs hospital again and I'd rather have ongoing minor pain and irritation than the absolute shitshow of contractions and birth. I think it's a very personal decision if you feel the same or not.

Had a planned section after a traumatic first birth and it was the best decision. An absolute mile away from the shit show that was DD1s birth. I felt so safe. Would highly recommend!

I had a very difficult labour with my son, who has long term disabilities which were thought due to birth trauma at the time. The whole experience was chaotic and frightening, there was no one available to do an epidural, let alone an emergency section. My birth plan was ignored.
I opted for an emergency c-section for my second, which was only 14mths later. It was calm and peaceful. My recovery was fine.

Years later I did feel I’d missed out on a “good” childbirth experience, but without going private I knew there would be no way of knowing what support I would have.
best of luck, whatever you choose

My first labour sounds exactly like yours.

I originally wanted an elective C-section, but decided that the recovery teamed with a newborn and 3 year old would be too difficult.

I went for a vaginal delivery, and it was great.

I planned for the worst, kept calm and had a clear plan for pain management (absoluetly no morphine based products, they wiped me out and felt so out of control, i believe this contributed to my awful first delivery) and worst case scenarios.

I was glad that I delivered vaginally, I did have a slight tear, but this healed really quickly.

There were no issues with the episiotomy scar, I was worried it would open up again.

I healed really quickly, too.

Ultimately, you have to weigh everything up and go with what is beat for you as a family.

Good luck

C section all the way.
I had emergency c section the first time.

2nd time, I booked straight in for one. It's honestly amazing. It's such a calm and relaxing environment, and you don't have to go through all of the trauma again.

Yes, it hurts a bit after, but nothing compared to the pain of contractions, and I imagine nowhere near as painful as your first experience.

My first labour sounds identical to yours.
Second was a VBAC and it was (as much childbirth can be!) lovely. I had none of the same issues and I did need a few stitches but it was all totally manageable.

I had a similar sounding first birth, but a polar opposite second birth. My second birth was 6hrs total labour with 6 minutes of pushing and a very small grade 1/2 tear.

This is exactly my feelings on the matter.

My elective c section was such a healing experience from the trauma of my first birth. Zero issues with recovery.

My first birth was similar to yours, I had a long labour (2 days) followed by forceps in theatre, 3rd degree tear on the episiotomy and a haemorrhage. Struggled with urine output and had to stay in for days when I was utterly exhausted...it was horrendous. Second birth couldn't have been more different. I was really worried and did a pregnancy yoga class and spent hours with my bum in the air trying to prevent another back to back birth. My yoga teacher took me to one side and said don't worry, it will all be fine, everything had already stretched out for one baby.....I don't k ow if this had any medical grounding but it really reassured me. However, my dh and dm did have to strongly encourage me go to hospital when I was clearly transitioning because I was convinced it was another long labour and I would be sent home. Got to the hospital and have birth very quickly, within 30 mins. I wasn't even pushing, my body just did it. Much easier recovery, just a small 1st degree tear (but not on my scar) which was probably because I couldn't stop myself pushing when the midwife said don't push.

Hi OP, after a traumatic vaginal first birth I had an ELCS with my 2nd and it was a breeze! Would recommend ELCS all the way, although I know that of course it's different for everyone.

After my first delivery I found out that most female OBGYN's opt for ELCS for their own pregnancies as it is statistically much safer for mum and baby.

During my first delivery there was some risk to my baby from being stuck and me not progressing. He was bright blue when he came out (though thankfully totally fine 2 minutes later) but I sometimes shudder to think what my life would be like if he'd been stuck a minute or two longer...

Comparatively the risks to baby from ELCS are much less. It's calm and safe and controlled and I'd rather a nice clean scar that my pants hide vs the risk of worsening the permanent PF damage - that might require surgery to repair anyway in a decade or so!

Wish you all the best whatever you decide

I also had a traumatic first birth. With my second I was offered a trial of labour and cs if problems, I said no as then it would be an emergency cs, stress for me and baby. I asked for an elective cs and it was wonderful. The lead up was calm. My husband was with me.My baby came out crying. My recovery was ok, I had a toddler also and coped. Food delivery delivered. No help. Husband working long hours. I did have pain but it did ease. It is an operation. It was so straightforward. Better than my first. I was in extreme pain for months and discomfort for years and was worried about my baby too.

I had a traumatic first delivery with a third degree tear and a long healing process. I did ask about a c section second time around but opted for a vaginal delivery and had a second degree tear which healed quickly.

My SIL had a traumatic first delivery with a serious postpartum hemorrhage. She has recently had her second which was a straightforward normal vaginal delivery.

My elective section was a breeze in comparison to my friend's vaginal delivery which sounds a lot like yours. C sections are very routine. Yes, you are not up and about like after a vaginal birth. I was mostly in bed breastfeeding for the first week and DH did absolutely everything around the house to make sure I get to recover. But my scar healed beautifully, everything is intact, and zero issues. No physio, prolapse, hemorrhage etc. And it was nice knowing the day baby was coming, calmly checking into hospital etc. I even blowdried my hair the day before.

Hi OP - following your thread with interest, I'm currently 29 weeks pregnant with my second and feeling identical to you. Our births sound very similar, my DDs birth was almost identical to what you described and for weeks now I've found myself unable to sleep as the anxiety about giving birth again and it all going similarly is becoming all-consuming 😞. Sending lots of love x

@TeainanIV have they offered you a C-section? I’m consultant led this time and I have a scan booked at 36 weeks where I let them know my decision on what I want to do, so still have a while.
To be honest, I think I’m going to go with the C-section as I really struggled the last time and I think I cried for weeks and had to attend physio for 6-8 months after and although some people have amazing stories of their vaginal births after similar experiences, I just think what if 🙈
Also with a c section I can prepare, and have a calm chilled experience, whereas I think going naturally anything can happen and might even end up in a c section anyway!

Hope all these lovely ladies post have helped you as well! 💕💕Xx

@Mered12 I'm consultant led too and also have a 36 week appointment booked in to discuss preferences - I am very close to requesting a C-section for the same reasons. I've heard a lot of positive experiences about it, and it's that aspect of calmness and control they sways me more that way! I hope it all goes well for you, I'd love to hear how you get on if you do have a section, and you're happy to share your experience? All the best xx 💐