Relationship issues during pregnancy

[thebolter24]

My partner and I have been together for just over 6 years and found out at the beginning of this year that I was pregnant. I'm now almost 36 weeks so baby's arrival is just around the corner, but our relationship has suffered over the past 8 months and now I'm getting worried about it continuing once baby is here.

Just to preface we both love each other and have no intention of splitting, but we have argued the entire pregnancy (no exaggeration). I don't know why we haven't been able to get on the same page, our arguments aren't particularly trivial just frequent.

I've found pregnancy really hard, emotionally, mentally and physically so have obviously changed a little behaviour wise - and I will be the first to admit I'm not the easiest to live with - but I'm just wondering if anyone has experienced anything similar, and more importantly if things got better once baby was here and the hormones settled?

Any help/support/advice is appreciated x

I would really have a serious chat with your other half about how you can be kind to eachother and come up with a plan to stop the arguing. Unfortunately having a baby puts a huge strain on a relationship and it needs to be resilient enough to withstand that pressure. Can you try and talk out between you what your triggers to arguing are and problem solve alternative ways of responding to eachother. I would suggest couples counselling, but if you're literally just about to give birth that might be quite awkward logistically.

I wouldn't expect it to just get better on it's own though. You both need to address the issue and work through it together, and you will come out stronger on the other side.

I hardly ever argued with my OH until after we had our son and then we argued loads! But we managed to sort it out and we have plans now for if we're finding it difficult to be considerate and kind to one another.

In the kindest possible way, the pair of you need to cop on and come together to work out how you can stop this bickering.
Your hormones are not the issue. However they do impact how you feel, and your hormones might not fully regulate for another 2 years so you really need proper support and understanding from them
in this time.
Your lives are about to be turned upside down, are you both open and vulnerable and supportive enough to each other during this transition?
Once your baby is here, you'll both be absolutely exhausted and you will be recovering from labour and will really need more support than ever.
It's time to have that chat on what you both need from each other and how you can work on giving that, because if you ignore this issue, things will get worse. It takes a conscious effort and this is no environment to raise a baby in.
Be open, honest and vulnerable. Both of you.
You love each other. You're bringing a beautiful new life into the world. Your baby is worth the effort from you both.
The time is now ♥️

And I'm sorry if that sounded harsh. You're going through so much, and you're vulnerable. Your partner isn't supporting you enough, or you wouldn't feel this way. Time to work through it, together, for the sake of your beautiful baby xx

I think it usually gets worse when the baby comes, sorry! After baby, you're tired, busy, grumpy and up at hours of the night and morning you don't really want to be with a crying baby. I do think it would help to talk about expectations. You're both allowed to be a bit unreasonable and to just say sorry afterwards. Basically, you have to cut each other a lot of slack -- and perhaps the father more so because the mother goes through all the physical stuff on top of everything. I think it helped that my husband heard this at antenatal class.

If you can, definitely have a proper serious conversation about how you will make things work when the baby comes because if you’re bickering now it won’t get better when the baby comes. I’m sorry that sounds harsh but it’s true. You need a strong stable relationship for those early days or resentment could set in.

I don’t know what you’ve been arguing about but a conversation about how you’re feeling, how he’s feeling and how you could both communicate to each other better will help loads. In those early days you really do need to be completely understanding of each other as it will be hard on both of you for different reasons and if resentment sets in often there’s no going back. Communication and working together is key with a new baby.

Hmmm I'm guessing he's not supportive and understanding enough. You need to sit him down and have a calm discussion where you list how many things you're going through, how many plates you're spinning and you still need to deliver a baby and care for a newborn.

I have had many unreasonable, snappy, teary, depressive, angry moments. My partner has never, not once in the last 9 months, snapped back. He's being extra patient and understanding and we talk about it afterwards and he gets it. If he wasn't that, we would probably bicker loads too.

You are at a very very vulnerable time. This is mostly on him and he really needs to get it.

And it does get worse when baby is here, sorry.