I can’t get my head around this!

[lucyintheskyyy]

Very regular poster but have NC as I’m a bit ashamed to be feeling like this.

I’m 22 weeks with my first baby (planned and much wanted) but I don’t feel ‘connected’ to them. I haven’t had a nice pregnancy at all, which I think is probably a contributing factor. I’ve bought some baby bits and chosen names, but I still feel like it’s for someone else’s baby! I just can’t compute that the baby growing inside me is mine. I’m terrified of labour and possible complications (high risk pregnancy) and can’t get my head around it all. Seeing them on the ultrasound screen was amazing, and I cried with happiness, but still can’t see that baby as mine.

I know all this will probably go away when my baby is in my arms, but I just wanted a bit of a sense check to make sure I’m not alone in feeling this way and there’s nothing wrong with me 😫 I do suffer with anxiety but am currently unmedicated (and generally doing fine without it!) as the meds I was on aren’t recommended in 3rd trimester so I came off them in early pregnancy and didn’t feel that pregnancy would be a great time to try and adjust to a new medication.

You'll be fine, lots of people feel like this during pregnancy - it can be a really miserable time

Sounds totally normal to me, I’m 33 weeks and counting down the days, I don’t feel any connection. After a miscarriage with first pregnancy, I can’t mentally allow myself to feel a connection. Give yourself a break! I hate this social media driven expectation that everyone loves pregnancy and feels connected to the baby. Please do what you can to feel more confident and calm ahead of labour though, t will benefit you enormously, whatever works for you, like books, antenatal class, videos. Your body was made to give birth, and thousands of women do it every day

Totally. I've got 4DC and I never felt like they were "real" until they actually turned up. With the first, I couldn't picture things at all. It doesn't mean you will struggle when the baby is here.

OP I could’ve written this. I just didn’t “get” that feeling people say.

baby is now here (today is due date but he came early). I still didn’t have that overwhelming sense of purpose but I do love him, care about him and would die for him. I don’t have any sadness about him at all. I don’t feel like life is “complete” or anything fairytale, but I am utterly happy with his existence in this world as my very own child.

I got to 41 weeks with my first baby, had a bump the size of a small whale and was feeling it move constantly, but I still panicked that I wasn’t even pregnant and they would tell me how silly I was at the hospital if I tried to persuade them I was. I think it feels so abstract and unreal until the baby arrives. When it does you will be absolutely fine.

I had totally easy pregnancies but still felt like that. I was never interested in my scan pictures, pregnancy was enjoyable but just a process I went through in order to have a baby.

week 12 to about 24 was boring really. Didn’t feel real until I was getting proper kicks. Even then I didn’t feel ready or that it was real until he popped out!

I don't think this feeling is unusual. I didn't really connect with baby during pregnancy and would always preface any sentence about the baby with something like 'all being well....'. So I'd say 'all being well, baby will arrive in March' rather than 'baby will arrive in March'. I was just so aware of all that could go wrong.

Once baby arrived I felt connected after a few days, and this gradually grew in strength over weeks and months. But weirdly I've never connected my now 4 year old to that unborn baby - my brain still doesn't see my child as the baby that was inside me for 9 months!

I have 3 kids and now pregnant with my 4th and I still can’t make any connection or even comprehend there’s a baby inside me - even though I’m 27wks & getting lots of movements!! It blows my mind every time & until they are actually born, I just can’t believe it tbh! So would say these are normal feelings & just go with it… once they baby is placed in your arms, you will feel the connection, no doubts xxx

For a lot of both of my pregnancies I felt almost like I'd made it all up and wasn't real. Movements were nice and I felt happy feeling them but it still felt a bit disconnected from the idea that there was an actual baby in there that would be on the outside and with me at some point. You are definitely not alone.

Just a note to say, don't panic if you're handed your baby post birth and you don't immediately get the rush of love they talk about either. My first was more of a slow burn whilst getting to know her (think everything with her being my first was a bit overwhelming) but definitely bonded and love her to the ends of the earth now

For a lot of both of my pregnancies I felt almost like I'd made it all up and wasn't real

This is exactly how I feel! Thank you for putting it into words for me. Have been feeling baby wiggling about in there this evening and it’s just weird (and a bit painful as it feels like Michael Flatley is standing on my cervix).

Normal! Especially if normally anxious. I had lots of complications and I didn't believe I'd ever get my baby until he was arrived and crying! I went off on maternity on my due date and honestly it was like a surprise!