Lack of sex in pregnancy

[User7567]

DH isn’t very comfortable with having sex since I was about 20 weeks. He gets too distracted by worrying that he might hurt me or the baby. Obviously there isn’t only penetrative sex, but he never was into oral (a boundary which I respect) and with my belly being quite massive now (3rd trimester) any way of sexual intimacy feels awkward plus he’s so overly careful when touching me that it is distracting for us both and doesn’t lead to the desired result. He’d prefer not having sex until after the birth.

Would this bother you? I miss our sex life, but obviously I don’t want to push him to have sex or make him feel guilty by telling him that I miss sex because I don’t think anyone should ever try to convince their partner to have sex when they’re not comfortable with it.

He is very affectionate otherwise, lots of hugs and cuddles in bed and during the day, he’s very excited about the baby and loving towards me, so I really don’t think there’s anything bad going on.
Do I just need to wait it out?

I am just hitting the 20week mark, and it’s becoming noticeable. My partner actually commented for the first time yesterday saying he could feel my belly. - in a very nice way not horrible-“ he actually said I can feel we have a little chicken in there now 🥰”
Its noticeable for me and getting a bit uncomfortable however I do hope that we continue our sex life as would feel a bit down if we didn’t I think.

I understand all the points you have made as to why not say anything but there are other reasons to maybe just talk and see if you want to explore other things and make it fun together. I think this is what I would resort too.

hope your ok anyway I didn’t want to read this and not respond as I know it’s hard sometimes xx

Our sex life was non existent as soon as I fell pregnant. Then early second trimester hit and my libido was through the roof. Then it died off again.

I’ll be honest, I find it really hard too as I’m a much more sexual person than my dh. You’ve gotta find a way to deal with it.. or hope once baby is here he makes up for the lack of sex! Mine never did 😅🥲

it’s hard, especially when your hormones are making you want it more!

Before pregnancy, we had a healthy sex life and DH wanted it more often than me. Somehow my libido is really high in pregnancy, I just feel feminine and want it more…but maybe having the baby will put a stop to my libido anyway 🤣
hopefully not

My husband is just freaked out by the fact there is a baby between us 😂 I haven't took it personally, I know he still loves me and things will get back to normal after baby has arrived as this is what happened after first baby.

With my third pregnancy, it was my 2nd DH and we hadn’t been together that long so we had sex pretty much every day right up until my due date and then again 10 days post-partum! Definitely not the case with DC 1 and 2 and DH 1!

I think you should tell him how you feel, not conceal that. Of course you won’t pressure him but letting him know he won’t hurt you or baby and that you want him, seems important rather than just waiting. For many women, libido does drastically reduce during the first year so it seems good to talk about all this now, so that communication is open if that arises. Plus, sex is a great way of bringing on labour! (Or passing the time while you wait!)

My husband was never keen as soon as I started showing. We had three children and have been married 20 years.

I just bought a vibrator.

We were at it like rabbits the whole pregnancy, especially pregnancy number 2. My libido was off the charts and he was happy to oblige knowing that post baby it would be a minimum of 6 weeks before having sex again and then infrequent I'd at all for the first little while.

After baby 1, it was nearly a year to get things kinda back on track, and they never went back to what it pre baby 1 until the second pregnancy. Now we've fallen somewhere in between.

All I can suggest is talk to him about it, away from the bedroom and don't impose any expectations on him and see what happens. Tell him you'll guide him and take charge to keep things safe for you and baby. Or buy yourself a womaniser, they are well worth the £££.

I would ask him to touch your boobs etc and kiss you while you touch yourself then he won't be worrying he's hurting you but you can still feel intimate

If he's not keen I wouldn't push it. Vice versa people would be saying this. I think lots of men go off sex during pregnancy, especially towards the end. It's only for a few weeks. I've never felt like sex during any of my pregnancies. I'm almost 30 weeks now.

Could you suggest you being more on top? That way you control the pace etc and so can ensure you and baby are not being hurt or uncomfortable.

I struggled with some positions, but being on top we could carry on right up until when baby was born, 2 weeks overdue!

I think it's fairly normal! I would say though, my son has just turned one and mine and DH's sex life has only just returned because our son's actually sleeping now.