Just too busy to get baby ready?!

[BeBeBaby]

I am 19 weeks pregnant and apart from nausea in my first trimester and difficulty finding clothes to fit I have barely even given a thought to being pregnant! I’m so busy at work and then I finish work, do the house chores, shower and it’s time for bed!

I just feel like I’m getting far in now and time has just marched on and I feel so unprepared and feel like I’m not really getting to enjoy my pregnancy fully.

My husband is very supportive and helpful but is exhausted from work when he comes home lately as he’s also been very busy and under stress at work so he has limited capacity for extra baby activities too.

Even just small things like organising the pantry seem to take weeks to actually happen and I just feel like time is going too fast!

I’m sure I’m not the only one to feel this way?

What does organising the pantry involve? What does 'enjoying your pregnancy' mean to you?

When are you due to finish work, presumably you can start getting bits ready then ?

I don't understand when you say your husband has "limited capacity for baby activities."

Do you mean you should both be buying baby clothes, painting the back bedroom, looking at prams etc? Not sure where the pantry comes into it.

To be honest, I didn't even start thinking about buying anything or organising things until after I'd had the 20 week scan

I'm 26 weeks with number 2 and haven't started getting anything ready yet, but it should deffo be a joint effort with your partner. He isn't the one growing another human so should have some time and energy spare, he has chosen to become a parent presumably so should be on board with this

Babies are very boring there will be time to sort your pantry after birth too - put baby in chair and chat away while going through it.
Really it's early days yet (and not sure what you mean about 'enjoying' your pregnancy - I sure didn't).
All you need to get ready is the baby's room, and if in with you just a cot and changing area (though I just put a mat on the bed). A few things - car seat, pram, a bit of clothing, muslins and nappies, baby bath. That's it really. Bottle stuff if not BF. Everything else as and when needed. I got that stuff in my own or with my mother, my husband didn't come.

What does being baby ready mean really?
Theres very little that actually needs to happen, once you have the basics done like clothes, pram ect that's basically it. I didn't do a thing until a week or so before the birth both times.
If you mean feeling like life is organised that absolutely never happens, we just get on with it as best we can.

Id actually advise not buying too much initially, just the essentials until you know what is actually useful. Most things can be bought at short notice on amazon or the supermarkets

I didn't give it much thought till my maternity leave tbh. Please don't judge what people do by SM- it's all nonsense.

Absolutely this. I didn't really enjoy any of my pregnancy as I was so sick and spent most of the time in the hospital or with my head down the loo. Not a lot of enjoyment going on 😂

Organising the pantry?

What is it you actually think you should be doing?

Pram, car seat and what they’re sleeping in can be ordered online. A few clothes and nappies and thats pretty much it. It won’t take long.

The only baby readiness you need to get done is sitting down with your husband and talking about both of your expectations of life after the baby is born.

You both need to understand the roles you will play as you recover from pregnancy and childbirth.

You both need to understand the fact that in the early days you will be exhausted to the point where you will feel as if you have adhd and getting household chores done might be a huge challenge.

You both need to get on the same page about what 'maternity leave' means.

Does he expect you to get all chores done and have his dinner ready at 6pm daily, slippers and pipe laid out by his favourite armchair, and an evening in front of the TV de-stressing after his busy day?
Does he expect to come home and relieve you of the baby while you finally get to have a shower, perhaps day after day, for weeks?
Or cook dinner for you and then clean up everything afterwards while you deal with the late afternoon/ early evening crying jags that babies sometimes do?
Does he expect you to have a list of normal household chores he needs to do, or will he see what needs to be done and just do it, without needing a pat on the head?
Does he expect sex as frequently as before?
Who does he think will be in charge of keeping the grocery list current, etc?

You are letting him off the hook right now because of his stressful job, etc. This isn't the best way to prepare for the big change that's going to happen in your lives. You should both be anticipating more than one shift in every 24 hours. He needs to understand that he can't check out physically or mentally from baby and home care, and most importantly, care of you, regardless of his work situation.

I sense in your post that you're feeling a bit alone and anxious about your pregnancy even now - think about whether that's down to your husband's preoccupation with his job. Would you like him to demonstrate a bit more daily support or share your excitement?

The baby stuff, nursery decoration, etc, is immaterial.

You need to become a team and develop resilience as a couple or you will be miserable.

And please make sure you discuss money.
Who will pay for baby things?
What portion of your maternity pay will you contribute to the household budget?
How will childcare be paid for when you go back to work?

Also, talk about ringfencing time off for you to inhabit your own head/ go for a walk, get some exercise, etc, while he takes over baby and house care, and talk about his time off too.

Talk about carving out time for the two of you as a couple.

Talk about your expectations of your parents' and his parents' place / involvement with your lives when the baby arrives. Visiting immediately? Expectation of 'hosting' when baby is tiny and nobody is getting any sleep?

Do not leave these stones unturned.

@BeBeBaby Don’t worry too much now hunny. As the pregnancy goes on you will be more inclined to make time for these things. You don’t need much really.

Prioritise some time for writing down what it is you want to get done before the baby is born & slowly tick them off your list, with your husband. I’m sure you have weekends or an hour here or there.

just to say, my husband also is very supportive and helpful, very hands on dad but does too have very stressful days. He’s the bread winner and deals with peoples finance/pensions so some times his job is intense and I have to carry the house, son, pregnancy and him! It’s like that & will be something you have to navigate within your marriage but just wanted to say it’s normal for us all.

if you have the budget, get a cleaner to help? Some are as little as £12 per hour and can do that pantry for you ❤️❤️