I miscarried today and need support

[Gigicb]

At my eight week scan today I tragically learned my baby had miscarried as there was no heartbeat. The baby was measuring two weeks behind at the first scan (despite the yolk sack and heartbeat being strong) and even though bub grew as expected over the past two weeks, sadly she wasn't strong enough to make it. This is my first miscarriage and I really need some words of support to get through. I can't stop thinking about whether there was something I could have done to prevent it (not breastfeed my toddler or not do that dance class or get that massage). I'm trying to be grateful that I at least have one child but I can't overcome the tragedy and shock of the loss. Please give me some advice for how to get through.

It's ok to be sad, angry and everything you feel. You can't rush through these feelings. I am sorry this has happened to you OP. Knowing how common miscarriages are and that there is nothing to prevent them doesn't much help. I found it useful to tell myself that this just wasn't the baby for us, but it is still devastating at the time. Not your fault OP.

Been there more than once and honestly, allow yourself to feel. Feel the pain and allow the emotions.
Miscarriage is so common but no one talks about it, it was extremely likely there was nothing you did not could have done to prevent or make this happen

my sister used to say to me, the egg wasn’t the one.. it’s saved you from something much worse. I don’t know if that helps you but it helped her.

take some time for yourself. look after yourself and just try to remember that you couldn’t have done anything. You did you’re best.

sending love… it’s very difficult ♥️

Thank you ❤️

Thank you for your kindness ❤️

Oh, OP. I'm so very, very sorry. I don't have anything to add to the good advice above, but wanted to send you an enormous virtual hug.

Sorry to see it wasn't a more positive outcome for you. Take whatever time you need for yourself

I don't know if this will help you as it's quite a harsh view of the world, but it really helped me to remember that from a medical viewpoint an early miscarriage means something wasn't quite right genetically and any baby that developed might have had a really difficult life. It's nature's way of ensuring you have a healthy baby, and there's nothing you could have done differently to change that.

@Gigicb I'm so sorry for your loss. My advice would be not to worry right now about overcoming the feelings of grief - just let yourself feel it for now, things are still very new and raw and you shouldn't pressure yourself to "get over it" or "move on". You will find a way through, with time, but it's a rocky road to navigate so be gentle with yourself - and don't blame yourself, as easy as it is to do that. There is almost nothing anyone can do to prevent early miscarriage, and like PPs have said here, it means this one wasn't meant to be.

There is a pregnancy loss forum here on MN which was the most amazing source of support and understanding for me when I miscarried my first pregnancy last year - there is a general support thread that you can join just to get your thoughts out there and share with people going through the same experience, if you think it might help you: https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/miscarriage/5066473-support-thread-for-those-experiencing-or-recently-experienced-a-mcmmc-thread-9-all-welcome?page=1

Be kind to yourself OP I had 2 miscarriages and I was devastated people have no clue and unless you've experienced it don't understand you've lost a much wanted baby give yourself time to grieve 💐 I joined the miscarriage association for support don't know if that would help you x

Darling, scientifically, most miscarriages are due to chromosome issues that can't be prevented. Realistically though, I know we beat ourselves up so much thinking of every heavy thing we lifted or food we ate. It's not your fault. It unfortunately just happens and it can't be prevented sometimes. I'm so sorry my love, I know how you feel, I MC in April at 7 weeks, saw the heartbeat on the morning then miscarried on the evening. It's so hard but keep trying, keep going and you'll get your other little bean eventually. I'm currently 6 weeks pregnant with our miracle after our MC. It can happen darling. Keep your chin up xxx

I'm so sorry OP - miscarriages are truly horrible. Be kind to yourself, nothing you did caused this, it's just one of the really nasty parts of life. Allow yourself to go through all the feelings, there's no right or wrong way to feel or deal with this.

Also, you can be grateful for your living child whilst grieving the baby you lost, the emotions are not mutually exclusive of each other xx

I am so sorry OP , it is nothing you have done.
There is nothing you could've done to prevent it happening . I completely understand where you are coming from as I had a miscarriage at the same time with my second pregnancy - I felt very strongly it was a boy - it was about 8-9 weeks . I already had a healthy toddler and I was devastated. I went on to have a happy healthy baby girl with my third pregnancy and had early scans to make sure she was ok . Now I look at her and feel so much love for her I can't imagine that she might not have been born . Please take some time to grieve and be extra kind to yourself

I’m here.
my miscarriage was 5 weeks ago and I was 9 weeks pregnant at the time. The overwhelming pain you’re feeling now will ease. It won’t go completely but it does get slightly easier to get up everyday.

You did nothing wrong. There was nothing you could do to prevent this.

You will find that when you tell people the vast majority of women will come back with stories of their own. So many women I know have been through this too. It’s incredibly common but multiple doctors told me it is very rare for it to happen twice in a row if you want to try again.

Look after yourself, ease yourself back into the world when you’re ready. Tell people about it - talking helps.

What have the hospital offered you in terms of management? I miscarried naturally a week after finding out my baby had died.

I’m so sorry for your loss. Take the time you need to grieve - don’t feel pressured to move on or “get over it” quickly. I had a miscarriage at 8 weeks in December and have just had another at 6 weeks and it’s a horrible, traumatic time. Be kind to yourself and take all the time you need

Thank you for the kind words and congratulations on the pregnancy! I am so happy for you and your miracle rainbow baby.

Thank you for the words of strength ❤️ my doctor has told me to wait two days and if I don't bleed by then to get a cutterage. How did you manage it? I have some concerns a cutterage could negatively impact future fertility.

I am so deeply sorry and am here thinking of you. I feel your pain and I hope that these adversities collectively strengthen us as women.

It’s a horrible thing to go through but I hope you feel less alone with these replies.

You didn’t ask me, but in response to what you mentioned about surgical management I had it back in December, as my loss was a MMC. Although it was a devastating thing to go through, the procedure itself was quick and painless. I think (as with any surgery) there are small risks but I was reassured by my nurse that it shouldn’t affect future pregnancies. If you have any questions about it I’m happy to answer

There was some question over my dates so they asked me to wait a week and go for another scan before they would offer anything. I then miscarried within that week.
I am glad that it happened naturally as I was also afraid of potential risks in future fertility but I won’t lie it was awful. No one warned me and I think if id been prepared it wouldn’t have been quite so scary. I don’t say this to scare you but to prepare you if you do go naturally. I bled a lot and the clots/tissue that came out were huge - one was at least the size of an apple. It was also very painful, the doctor said that it is basically like early labour pains. However some women have said their miscarriages were just like a heavy period so I think everyone is different.
In defence of a cuterage, people who have them have said they are the least traumatic way to miscarry and it’s all over quite quickly. Even though I did, some people don’t pass everything naturally anyway so require the surgery anyway!

I also had one child when I miscarried. I was 27. Bled at 13 weeks to go in and be told i had miscarried about 5 weeks previously with no earlier signs. Of course we were devastated as it was a much wanted 2nd baby. But I opted for a D &c as I felt I just needed to get the whole thing over and done with. Best for me at the time in dealing with it. I went to the GP for a sicknote for work and he was so lovely. He basically said get back on the horse. (This was 21 years ago mind!), knowing no different, thats what we did... Our daughter was born 11 months later. Another daughter 4 years after that. No fertility issues at all. Of course everyone does what is best for them at the time. But a longer wait is not something I felt I could do. Strength and love to you. Such a difficult time for you all x

What a beautiful story of courage and hope through adversity, thank you for sharing and it's wonderful to hear about your rainbow baby. You have given me hope ❤️