Having a 2nd baby after a horrible 1st pregnancy- what to do

[Strawb27]

Hi, I’m interested to know if anyone has been anxious about having a 2nd baby after being really sick in pregnancy? I was sick all the way through for the whole 9 months every single day, it was really miserable! She is obviously worth it.. but me & my hubby are undecided whether to have a second.
I always said never ever again as soon as I had her, so I’m also a bit worried about the ‘told you so’ comments as it’s a bit embarrassing! But now she’s 16 months old and I’m 34 (not getting any younger) we’re starting to feel a bit more swayed now because of her having a sibling.

My hubby has different reasons not to like the fact our house is so small and we’d have to move, but for me it’s mainly the fact my pregnancy last time was horrendous and I’m so anxious to go through it again. I’d have a toddler running round while throwing up every day again.

Has anyone else been in this position and still had another baby and how was pregnancy no.2??

Thanks! 😊

I had HG with my first throughout which was bad. Currently 33 weeks with my 2nd and have HG again - its been much worse this time round (which I didn't know was possible)

Don't want to sugar coat it - it's been extremely challenging, I have had to heavily rely on family and husband to do all childcare, cleaning etc as I've been too poorly to do anything.

I had sickness through out my first and third trimester with my daughter. Cyclizine reduced it to 1-3 times a day and functioning in between
I'm 10 weeks with pregnancy 2 and the nausea and sickness has been worse. I have had more time off sick. Cyclizine didn't help as much as last time and I'm now on prochlorpreazine and need to go back to the gp if it doesn't help. I'm now less nauseous than I was and I have good and bad days. Some days I don't keep any food down other days I am as sick but it's longer between eating and being sick so the volume is less.
I had a fall last week as I was dizzy when I got up in the night and my leg gave way on me.

I feel I was quite negative earlier. It's not been fun and I haven't yet had my dating scan to know if this pregnancy is going to be successful. As full as the last few weeks have been, if I do have a miscarriage I would try again.

I had some counselling with my HV before TTC as I had an awful first 1-2 years because I had severe pnd and my daughter has a lot of food allergies and severe silent reflux. I also spoke about finding pregnancy hard because of the sickness too. It helped to have a neutral person to speak to helped to process all the baggage

Hey sorry for the late reply- appreciate your opinion. I had anti-sickness meds in my first pregnancy too. I had loads of time off sick from work, I was sick over the steering wheel once and had to pull over.. I couldn’t eat anything either. I’m just so torn! It’s like I’m coming round to the idea of having a little sibling for my daughter and I do NOT want the pregnancy!!!!
it’s such a tough decision, so we aren’t rushing into anything. Yes my pregnancy might be absolutely fine but it might be the same or worse than before! xx

@BeautyAndTheBump1 thanks for your reply. I’m so sorry to hear it’s been worse for you second time. It does worry me to be honest and is really the main reason I’m holding back. We aren’t ready yet anyway but we were just not going to ever have another one and now we’re thinking more like it would be nice for her to have a sibling one day. Were you in hospital for it?
I wasn’t that severe that I was in hospital but I was sick twice a day for 9 months and needed medication.
the other issue with us is we don’t have family that can help that are close. My parents to come over to look after my daughter every week but they all live over an hour away so it’s not like we have that support just down the road. A lot of pressure would be on my husband if I was unwell again! Congratulations on your second pregnancy! I hope the rest of the journey goes ok for you- you haven’t got long left now xx

I wasn’t sick with my first, but I did have horrendous SPD/PGP from 6 weeks pregnant.

i was disabled the whole of the pregnancy, it was the most miserable time of my life and I wasn’t pain free until she was almost 12 months old.

i always said never again!

then i really wanted another 🙄🤣

i knew i was going to be the same again, but this time i would have a toddler to look after so i mentally prepared myself for the pain and being immobile as the first time round it was such a shock.

dd went to nursery 3 full days a week, we had a cleaner for 3 hours a week (small 3 bed semi)

I did feel very bad on dd as I couldn’t take her to the park or doing anything with her etc, so even though I was a SAHM she went to nursery for 3 days so she wasn’t stuck in all the time.

Could you afford a cleaner and outside help whilst you’re ill?

Sympathies OP, it is tough. I'm on my third pregnancy and had HG each time, however the first time it cleared up fully by about week 24 thank heavens. I therefore was curiously optimistic it would be the same second time around, and it was, but I was less severely unwell too because I was more prepared and knew some meds weren't worth trying etc. My third pregnancy I had it even milder still, I tried Xonvea for the first time which worked better than anything I used in either of my first two pregnancies. The only downside is I still have nausea now and again at 29 weeks so it's sort of dragged on a bit longer than my other pregnancies, but the main bout of symptoms wasn't so severe so overall that's been better.

We have lots of local family but nobody who can/is willing to support us with childcare or anything else, other than in extreme emergencies, so that meant nursery care for the toddlers both time, lots of money on takeaways and convenience foods, and the house being in a bad state for months each time, with poor DH having to do all his normal stuff (and he's a great 50/50 partner normally anyway) plus all the extra bare necessities to keep everything vaguely ticking over. He also had to take some annual leave to cover days where we didn't have nursery care in place. Lots of late nights for him cleaning and washing up. It has been hard.

Honestly though if we didn't have nursery care for our kids we genuinely couldn't have had more than 1. I was bed bound for months with all of them and it was not possible to safely care for a toddler in that state.

@Strawb27 does your son/daughter attend a nursery? I waited to get pregnant until my DS started nursery school and was out the house which helped alot! I do have 'severe hyperemesis' though I am on the extreme end of the scale, I was being sick up to 30/40 times a day up until 16 weeks then it got less and I'm currently sick around 5 times a day a 33 weeks pregnant. I was in hospital weekly until 20 weeks too so probably why I've struggled so much as it has been very extreme!

HG pregnancy first time round and now 5 months with 2nd and had HG again. Waited 5 years as I wasn’t sure I could go through it again. I’m glad I’ve waited as I have really struggled and until recently not been able to do anything. My daughter would
not have coped with this when I was younger but has been really good and coped okay as her understanding in better. For husband and I we both knew inside that we wanted another and it was now or never as I’m late 30s

I was sick every day for 9 months with Ds1. Couldn't even contemplate a 2nd pregnancy until he was 20 months (he didnt sleep through the night until he was 7 years old...).

But I really wanted a 2nd child.

Was also just as sick with DS2 except it was worse because I also had a toddler to deal with day and night.

I'm thrilled I had DS2 and he has definitely improved our family. However the pregnancies are 1 reason I always refused a 3rd (DH wanted 3).

For the pregnancy I just plodded through it, took sickness tablets, and got signed off sick off work several times. Ds was looked after by a nanny FT who did as much as possible in the working hours, including feeding and bathing him in the evening to reduce what I had to do.

I can barely remember it as I felt so awful. But it was 100% worth it.

Yeah sometimes I think I’d rather her be older as she’d be at an age she would understand better and I’m 34 now so i’ve got time yet.. but I also don’t want to be waiting too many years if I am going to have another one xx

@BeautyAndTheBump1 Yes she goes to nursery- from sept it’ll be twice a week and I only work 3 days a week which would potentially help not having as much sickness but I had so much time off before and work were getting a bit frustrated with me to be honest (even though I was pregnant) but we’ve got a new headteacher now so she may be more understanding I don’t know xx

I had HG with the first and was sick every single day until the day of my c-section. It was extremely grim and I also developed very bad pre-natal anxiety and depression. However, DS was such a lovely, sweet, easy baby and toddler that I decided I could do it all again .

I have a 4 year age gap between DS and DD because DS had to be potty trained and be vaguely self sufficient in case I was very ill again. As it turned out, I had terrible HG, but only for 20 weeks. I staggered through it with the help of meds. Was fine 20-30 weeks and then promptly got diagnosed with suspected IUGR and was getting scanned and monitored every 5 minutes. I wouldnt have been able to cope at all with a toddler and such a hot mess pregnancy.

DD is 15 months now and she and DS absolutely adore each other. It melts my heart to watch them together.

ive had 5 pregnancies. Had HG in 4 of 5. 1st was a mmc at 10 weeks. Ds1 was sick 20+ times a day for about 20 weeks but felt sick and would sometimes be sick for the other 20. Ds2 which was my only other full term/living child I had Hg worse (hospitalised for fluids) but it didn’t last as long. I demanded xonvea this time. It did help. I felt like this time although I was more sick, you do just have to get on with it a bit when you have a toddler. If you’re just going to lie on bathroom floor or in your bed all day that is not fair on your current child.
get to gp early get on medication and keep going back if it’s not working.
I’ve also only ever taken the day I was in hospital for fluids off work sick. Some people seem to just get themselves signed off but to be perfectly honest I find that quite cheeky when you’ve chosen to get pregnant.