What should I do? Baby no3

[SwiftieMumof2]

I am 30 and had my first two children when I was younger. They are now 9 and 7. That chapter of my life with small children, buggies and nappies was very much finished but I had held in my head that I'd have one more after I had focused on my career etc.

My husband and I had talked about having another child and we are enjoying our current independence. More money, more breaks the 2 of us, both working full time and lots of adventures/ quality time with the 2 children. We had spoken about thinking again in a few years whether we would have baby number 3. I had always wanted another baby but there are a few house jobs, finance/ loans to pay off from our recent wedding that meant I had also wanted to wait a little longer.

Well now I've found out we are pregnant with baby no3. (4 weeks, due in April 25) I was very surprised however excited but my husband reaction has upset me. He is asking should we continue with the pregnancy. I am shocked and feel the timing isn't quite perfect but that wasn't ever on my mind. I was already thinking of foods I shouldn't be eating and vitamins I should be taking!

He is worried about finances, space in our house (we have a 3 bed, who would share/ baby wouldnt have a nursery) and the effect on our relationship, needing a new car and he feels like timing is wrong for us. I am always more than an optimist than a pessimist but his reaction has upset me. Am I not thinking of the bigger picture? Of how a third baby will effect us? And change our current dynamics? He is also worried about how we will cope as we already have a child awaiting diagnosis for autism/adhd who's behaviour is challenging.

We also wanted to have our first abroad holiday in summer in 5 years because of covid, a wedding, extension etc and it feels like we have to put these things on hold and I feel sad for our current children as I don't know if our finances can stretch to buying new baby stuff and the holiday.

I guess I just need an outlet for my worries and wondering about how others have felt in similar position.

Sounds like your husband is just having an initial shock and will come around... you are still very young and will have all what you mentioned (like holidays and quality time together) in the future.

Enjoy your surprise baby! And congratulations!

Hi OP. First of all congratulations!! Sounds like from reading your post you want this child? There seems to be some initial shock by the sounds of it by your hubby.

Can't the older children share a room?

You may need a new car, can you sell your current one? Or have you seen if a car seat can infact fit?

As PP said you're still young, there's always opportunities in the future for holidays and you will get your quality time back.

EBay, friends, family with little ones etc for clothes, I always buy bundles of practically new stuff that doesn't need to cost the earth.

Sit down with your hubby and talk about the feelings/worries/pros/cons. I myself have been pondering about having a third for a few years.

Wishing you all the best with whatever you decide x

I am still going through initial shock of it because I wanted to wait a little longer. Have a two of my best friends weddings next year plus hen do. But this isn't enough to make me want to not have this baby now. I think because my husbands reaction was lacklustre, I am feeling a little deflated. But yes I am excited yet nervous for the future.

The situation with the car/ money/ room, I feel will be worked out in time!

I think we both want this but he is struggling more with it happening now.

@ana7887 Thank you, I think I am coming round to the shock of it all, envisioning this baby in our lives. I'm just waiting for my husband to come round to the idea.🙁

Do you have any hand me on groups on Facebook in your area? You can get so much for free now, and some really quality brands if you wait long enough. A new baby doesn't have to cost you very much apart from nappies or formula.

I think he's very sensible. Your existing kids won't be able to do weekend things, holidays etc with you that are age appropriate - they'll have to take everything back to the level of the baby. It's most likely not in their best interests, particularly as it'll take a significant amount of your time, attention and money away from your child with ASD/ADHD. If it were me I would 100% have a TOP in that situation.

@radio4everyday Thanks for your comment.

I personally don't think doing things the older children enjoy with a younger baby/ toddler is impossible.

I do see your point regarding asn, however I actually think having a baby will be a really nurturing thing for my child, and being off on maternity leave will give me more time to help with school/ be around more for the last part of primary school.

Well first congrats to you.
But if im honest why would you want to go back to all the baby days and toddler tantrums etc.
Good luck to you.

In my head I think that's exactly how I should feel, but I really want to do it again!
I loved those stages!

Ok, good luck. I find it very difficult to believe that a newborn will leave you more rather than less time for your current kids but I hope it works out well for you. Of course your older kids aren't getting any choice about being put in this nurturing role on top of their own issues.................

Ok, I currently work full time. So I would have more time at home. But I shouldn't have to justify myself when you are just being rude.

I never said I would expect my older children to take on the nurturing role, just that I think that is what might happen as my child is very loving of his younger family members.

While it won't be easy going back to the baby stage, I think you're right that it will also bring something extra and more love to your family.

You're still young and you'll get your independence back again. I think your initial reaction and excitement says it all and you shouldn't terminate. Yes there are risks of things going wrong, but surely they're small risks and there's risks to anything in life and you can't live life based on the worst case scenario. Obviously you know your situation better than anyone else, but if you think you can make it work and you want the baby then that's all that matters