I'm not sure what I'm looking for here? Maybe just some reassurance, some validation about feelings.
For context I'm around 7 weeks pregnant, was a surprise, contraception fail. I have only known the father since March and we were only casually dating at that point as less than a year before I came out of a ten relationship that ended very badly.
I also have two children already, he has none. Mine are 18 months apart, I have no 'village' around and get the bare minimum off the children's dad. I also had a 5 day failed induction birth with my daughter, and my son was a premature nicu whom I suffered prom with (where my waters went early). I had awful pnd with my son also.
Anyhow, the point of this is there is some excitement there is another however there is a part of me that doesn't want another. The dad of this child wouldn't move in, he lives an hour away and wants to keep his job etc, also lives at home with his parents still. I have a private scan next week to see if I can make it feel more 'real' but at the moment I feel like I'm juggling enough without a third on top on what is already a very hectic life. I was feeling I was finally getting some time to myself which was something I haven't had in a long time.
I also don't want another traumatic delivery or risk my mental health?
It just all feels rather conflicting and not sure if anyone has ever felt the same?