I don't know whether to have a baby or not

[DinosaursRock8]

Hello, I'm so scared to ask this as it sounds silly. I'm 33 years old and I feel like I'm running out of time to have a child. I've worked hard and had a bad past so I've never even thought about kids until about a year ago.

Me and my partner are in a good place but we have hardly any savings, low income, and a small flat.
I am so worried that I need to make this decision now before it's too late or something.
I'm also scared about everything as I suffer with anxiety, I'm overthinking everything. Even things like where would I store the pram and other baby bits.

My partner would love kids but he has said if it doesn't happen his absolutely fine with it as he just wants us to be happy.

I don't know what to do. I don't know if there's anyone else out there who has felt like they might not be ready and not sure if they are destined to be a mum. I don't feel mum like, but I know if I did have a child I'd love it so much.

Any advice you have would be amazing. Thankyou.

When I got pregnant at 35 I wasn't working but DH was full time. We lived in a room in a shared house. When little one came along we were put into awful temporary accommodation for 4 months but now we have a 2 bed flat in a lovely area and couldn't be happier. We didn't have any savings either but if you feel like you could survive on what you earn then that's no reason to not try , though I'm sure I'll be flamed for daring to say so. Might be an idea to get your anxiety under control first though as babies can be quite anxiety inducing all by themselves 😅 sorry I don't have better advice but thought my experience could show that you don't have to own a home and have £££ in the bank to have a child

Do you actually want to be a parent? Because figuring out where the stuff goes is the easy bit. Sacrificing your time and energy to raise someone else is the hard bit

I agree. We had no savings when I became pregnant. During pregnancy I bought bits and pieces for my child and saved a bit but not much. We did have a house but it was not much bigger than a dog kennel and badly in need of repairs and renovations. However we managed. You would, presumably, be on maternity leave for a while, I've known young women who saved a lot of money during that time, they spent a lot more when going to work, eg clothes, lunches, lattes, etc.

You'll be fine, if you want a baby, go for it. In time you'll move to somewhere bigger.

If you think you want to be a parent one day, why not go and have a fertility check up? Your AMH and AFC will give you an idea of your current fertility. Egg quality typically declines slowly till about 37 and then it becomes quite a fast drop off.

*fertility declines slowly until 35 and then drops off quickly 🙂

I think you should think about why you want to have a baby. Its natural to think about as you get older ans wonder, but this isn't a good reason. It would also be good to spend some time around people with young kids so you have a really good idea what you'll be in for. Also think about your anxiety as it is likely to get much worse if you have one, and you may even pass it on. It's such hard work, and expensive and it's forever.

Having a baby will turn your world completely upside down. The practicalities are important but secondary. I think you have to really want a baby because even when you do there are many times that you question it because life can get so hard!

on average - it's misleading to say that every woman's fertility drops off a cliff at 35.

@DinosaursRock8 you don't have to decide right now. I had my first at 42. I wouldn't have planned it that way but it is doable.

Why don't you sit down with your partner and work out what you'd want to be true before you have a baby (where you live, savings etc) and what is achievable. You also very much need to decide if you want to have a family together. Not do you want a baby but do you want to spend 18 years building that family?

Thankyou. This is what I am thinking. I definitely don't want to have one because I feel it might be near the end of my time. Me and my partner have worked out the challenges and I feel even if you feel your prepared for a baby, you never will be fully as they come with so many challenges. I will definitely think about it more and not rush into it. My anxiety can be bad for certain things but I can control it. But I understand that baby's can test you a lot at the hardest times haha

I was correcting the PP - most studies say 35. Better to work towards that than miss the boat and start trying at 37. Not misleading at all.

I don't know anyone who ever regretted having a child 💕

I know a few people who have had regret they are good parents but wished they had children a bit younger one is going to be parenting way in to her 60s.