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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Anyone else felt worried about whether they're having a boy or girl?

23 replies

misboo · 14/04/2008 11:29

I know that when the baby is born all i will care about is that it's ok, but over the last couple of weeks have been feeling worried that i will be more pleased with a girl than a boy IYKWIM?, even though like i say i know it's not really true...

DS is wonderful and i would never wish him any different, which shows me how great little boys are! I think it's because i know it's highly unlikely there will be any more DC after this one.

It's freaking me out because i never knew i felt like this and it has really crept up on me! Think i'm just ignoring the big worries of having 2 DC and focusing on something i know i don't care about instead, just wondered if anyone else had this and how you got through it?

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goingfor3 · 14/04/2008 11:32

It's very natural to have a preference over which sex baby you would like to have.

MadameCh0let · 14/04/2008 11:32

I desperately wanted my son to be a girl before he was born. I was depressed after the 20 scan. And I am ashamed of that now, I was told I had a healthy baby, and I left the scan depressed. It didn't really go away 'til after he was born.

I know it's great to know in advance for convenient and practical reasons, but nature is clever. I thought I had wanted a girl, but when he arrived (and I had known in advance he was a boy!) and was placed in my arms, nature or biology took over and I was so glad I had had him.

Finding out the sex is great if it REALLy is only for practical reasons, but if you have even a slight preference, I'm not sure it's a great idea..

I was having difficulties with my ex (then partner) and I think I had also transfered some anxiety to that.

flossish · 14/04/2008 11:33

I was horribly ashamed about the way I felt about my second baby. I really wanted a girl. I hated the fact that I really wanted a girl, I'd known before i even fell pregnant that I really wanted a girl.

I didn't 'try' to have a girl. We found out on the scan that it was so say a girl, but i didn't believe them. I hated getting carried away with the idea of having a girl and then finding it was actually a girl. I did have a girl, and it is lovely to have one of each. But somehow not it really seems completely un-important that she is a girl. She is basically a baby and they are lovely however they come (although not at 4/5 in the morning DD!)

Original poster

misboo · 14/04/2008 11:46

So glad to hear this! It is exactly how i feel and hard to explain to someone. I didn't find out at the 20 week scan in case i felt like you MadameCh0let, although i didn't realise that was why at the time.

I will try to think of it as a baby and not a boy/girl, maybe that will help!

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SoupKitchen · 14/04/2008 11:49

I convinced myself I was having dd1 and it turned out to be ds.
I was in shock for several weeks, not helped by horrendous birth.
I believe it contributed to my pnd.

I would say a preference is fine, normal in fact.
BUT i was so convinced i could not have a boy that i didn't really bond til he was 15 months

Ebb · 14/04/2008 11:51

I deliberately found out what I was having at the 20week scan because I was convinced I was having a boy ( which I really wanted) and DP was worried if it was a girl I'd be upset so figured at least I'd have the rest of the time to adjust if it wasn't a boy. As it happens it was a boy and now I'm already wanting the next one to be a girl even though I haven't yet had this one!! I think one of each would be lovely but at the end of the day as long as your baby is born safely and healthy then I'm sure you will love it regardless of the sex.

seeker · 14/04/2008 12:03

With my first, I was absolutely desperate for a girl, so I deliberately went about convincing myself and everyone else that it was a boy - I was so worried about being disappointed when it was born, if you see what I mean. I did such a good job that the delight I felt when I saw my dd was the very best experience of my life!

vicsta · 14/04/2008 13:06

I'm just starting to feel the same. This is my 1st & definitely did not want to know the sex at 20 wk scan. Decided that as I had no preference, I wanted a surprise. Despite that, my gut instinct has always been that its a girl and now DP agrees so we tend to call 'it' she. Now (33wks) I'm worried that I'll be disappointed if a boy arrives, not that I especially want a girl, I've just managed to convince myself that it is. I shall take Seekers advice and from know on will call baby he!

staranise · 14/04/2008 13:26

i have two girls already and would definitely like a boy next time. Am going to ask at the 20 week scan so that if it is a girl as least I won't be building my hopes up for the birth and also know for clothes etc. I also hate everyone assuming that you automatically want a boy after two girls(even though I do!). I fully realise that you must always be grateful for a healthy baby adn it's not as if I have ay control over the sex anway! Plus my two older girls are such distinct personalities, they're not jsut defined by their gender!

chipmonkey · 14/04/2008 14:42

I am expecting my 4th boy and have to admit I cried all the way home from the scan! I had wanted to know, to be "prepared" but tbh I'm not sure how helpful it has been, in that I know I will love him when I "meet" him as I love all my other boys but that bonding process might have been easier if he were in my arms. Having said that, this pregnancy has been different to my others so maybe if I hadn't found out, I would have convinced myself it was a girl.
It didn't help that 2 days before I found out My SIL had a baby girl and called her the same name I had chosen for a girl! ( Not on purpose, I hasten to add, she didn't know what name I had chosen!) But I did feel sorry for myself and wonder why she "deserved" a daughter more than me. Pathetic I know!

mumfor1standmaybe2ndtime · 14/04/2008 14:55

I didn't find out the sex of ds, we were convinced he would be a girl. No idea why. Think it may have been because dh had lost his mum and we wanted to name baby girl after her.
When he was born I was saying 'what is it?' dh said 'its a boy' and I thought 'oh!'
I wouldn't have him any other way now though!
We are ttc number 2 now and I am scared to even think about having a girl lol!
I am going to tell myself it will be a boy

WinkyWinkola · 14/04/2008 14:58

I was quite upset to find out my second child was going to be a girl. I was used to boys having lots of brothers and DS. But I learned that you get what you're given and they need you and you love them whatever.

Any regrets you have about not having a girl or a boy won't be focused on your new baby. You'll love him / her far too much. You'll just get a bit wistful when they're not a baby anymore!

neveronamonday · 14/04/2008 15:04

This reply has been deleted

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MadameCh0let · 14/04/2008 16:50

This might sound rich coming from someone with one of each, but it always amazed me the comments people made. "you'll be delighted; one of each" (I had thought I wanted two of the same sex actually) or "no need to have another one now" (In a perfect world married young to the right man I would have liked four kids)... Over it now, but I felt sad to only have two children.

I wouldn't be confident picking out a coat for my best friend, so how people can PRESUME to know what sex child you would prefer is .... a little upsetting at the time.

Reading this thread convinces me that I shouldn't have found out hte sex of my DC2. I didn't enjoy my pregnancy v. much. And then when he arrived, I could NOT have loved him more that a row of pink girls. What you want changes to match what you've got. I never look at pink clothes now. They don't even catch my eye!

MadameCh0let · 14/04/2008 16:53

Chipmonkey, my cousin who has an unusual sur name has four boys. We joke to her that her sur name will be the new 'Ryan'!

Fast forward 25 yrs. Lovely to have a big family. YOur family 'dos' will be PARTIES.

HelenCS · 14/04/2008 18:18

Hi all

so glad i found this thread because im going through exactly the same feelings right now - this is my first baby and i just have it in my head its a girl and all i keep thinking about is that i will be so dissappointed if its a boy and i dont no what il do if it turns out to be a boy!! im even having small 'nightmares' over it being a boy as terrible as it sounds but ive been telling eveyone 'im certain its a girl.....' and i might find out tomorrow and to be honest im bricking it now!!

I just dont no why im feeling like this... but i wish it would stop!

Mum2b2BabyRoo · 14/04/2008 18:30

Well I am in the same boat - wanting a DD! 1st baby as well, but have chosen not to find out the sex. I kept thinking all girly things but I have had to force myself to think about boy things as well as I am try to prepare my mind for the eventuality of either. My way of thinking is because I want a girl I will get a boy... silly I know as I am sure when that little bundle of joy is placed in my arms I won't give a hoot what sex it is!

debinaustria · 14/04/2008 18:45

I have 2 boys already and never found out the sex beforehand, with ds2 I was so pleased that he was OK but dh on the other hand had a day of baby blues(or pinks) a few days after we brought him home. We decided that 2 was enough, then we thought about adopting 2 girls, then last Summer broodiness hit, and I am currently 32 weeks pregnant. This time I wanted to find out the sex to help the boys bond with baby and for us to get used to the idea of a ds or dd. Needless to say we both wanted a dd.

Anyway until 5 weeks ago baby kept it's legs firmly crossed then the Dr said maybe a girl - I tried not to get too excited , last week I had another scan and Dr showed us the evidence that baby is definitely a boy. I felt so bad for feeling bad, you can be told so much worse at scans but I couldn't help myself and I cried and cried that afternoon. But now I'm over it, I can't wait to meet ds3 and see if he's like his brothers, but I am glad that I know now and not at the birth. By the time he's born I will be so glad to hold him in my arms the sex won't matter at all.

I think it's natural to have a preference, don't be hard on yourself.

WombFor1More · 14/04/2008 20:33

When I was preg with ds1 I honestly wasn't bothered what sex he was. When I fell preg again I was desperate for a girl. I was so convinced that it was a girl I even bought a few pink bits. I didn't find out at scan though and when ds2 popped out I cried because he was a boy. I feel very guilty about that now but wouldn't want him any other way.

I then went on to have my dd. I really wanted her to be a girl as I was convinced she was to be my last. This time to prepare myself either way we did find out at the scan and I then went pink mad and everything she has is pink. Bit sick of it now lol!

I am now preg again. Def last time now though! I really do want another girl. 1 - because it would be a lot easier with working room space out and not having to sell all the pink and buy blue and 2 - because I have a lovely sis who means the world to me and I want my dd to have that with a sister too. Have to say though that so far the feeling is that it's a boy. Will be finding out on 20th May but I just know that if they say a boy I will be at least a little upset.

Imo that doesn't make you a bad person or mum and it's perfectly normal

Jahan · 14/04/2008 21:31

I really wanted girls both times and got boys both times.
I had to find out the sex beforehand as it helped me to accept the fact that I was having a boy and get used to the idea.
I was so disappointed both times when I found out but that feeling only lasted 1 day.
I absolutely loved them to bits as soon as they were born.

chipmonkey · 14/04/2008 22:26

One MNer posted once to say she was really upset to find out her dc3 was a girl after 2 boys because she'd really wanted 3 boys! I was so of her! I had always imagined a row of girls, like in Little Women or Little House on the Prairie! I do feel guilty though, because it's a bit like getting a lovely gift and complaining about the colour of the wrapping paper!

Original poster

misboo · 15/04/2008 12:21

Agree with you totally chipmonkey about the wrapping paper!

Just so glad to hear i am normal and not a terrible bad person! Jut looking forward to getting the baby now!

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Original poster

misboo · 15/04/2008 12:21

Agree with you totally chipmonkey about the wrapping paper!

Just so glad to hear i am normal and not a terrible bad person! Jut looking forward to getting the baby now!

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