Lonely, stuck in the house, 33 weeks

[OvertiredFarAway]

I'm so so lonely. We moved abroad a few years ago, made lots of superficial friendships, so lots of people to go out drinking with but no real friends. I miss my family and friends in the UK terribly.

Due to SPD, I can't do much. Driving is getting harder by the day, I don't think I'll be able to drive in a couple of weeks which will isolate me further.

Outside is hot, humid and full of mosquitoes, I can't go out for a walk to clear my head.

Pregnancy has been hard for a variety of reasons, work is extremely stressful, and I have zero support there or labour rights.

Work have allowed me to wfh full time now but it means it's just me, all alone, 10 hours a day, in front of a laptop, between 4 walls. DH comes home in the evening, we watch a film and go to bed.

I need to be active, to be outside, with people. I'm not a homebody. This is unbearable.

I have a good marriage, healthcare, comfortable lifestyle and I know I should be grateful for my healthy baby. But I've never felt more sad, I feel like I'm failing at being pregnant and I go to bed wishing I don't wake up.

I don't know what I'm looking for in this post. Just needed to get it off my chest I guess. And maybe find someone who's had the same experience and come out the other end, I don't know.

Where are you living? I am in Malaysia and tbh I didn't make any close friends here until I had children.

Are the mosquitos a problem at your home? There should be fogging services available. If you're in an apartment you can speak to management, if you're in a house then you can arrange it yourself. We lived in our place for almost 4 years before we started doing monthly fogging and oh my days the difference it has made! A few months of the year we still get them (mosquito season) but the rest of the time they're not a problem.

With the SPD have you tried physio or massage? I had it terribly with my first but found a decent physio with my second and it was honestly life changing.

You could look up the group grumpy expat on Facebook if you want to have a moan where noone will tell you "well why don't you just leave then" or tell you you're being ridiculous and it's not so bad because x, y, z.

@Kinsters the mosquitoes are a problem on the island, so what I mean is I can't go outside for a walk anywhere. We live in the Caribbean and the island is infamous for mosquitoes unfortunately.

I have lots of help with managing PGP but there's no magic cure. I've had it since week 15 and I'm lucky I'm not on crutches or anything but the reality is driving is getting extremely difficult. There is no public transport or taxis, so if you don't drive, you're stuck.

If I had known what I know now, we would have moved to the UK before getting pregnant. I hadn't expected how much I'd miss my family, how important those connections are.

Financially, because of the pregnancy, we are trapped here. I'd lose my health insurance if I resign and I'd have to pay my company tens of thousands of dollars if I don't come back to work after mat leave.

I just need to survive this next year. I'm just sad my first pregnancy is surrounded by such a dark cloud. I wish I could be happy but being confined in the house, with no friends, is horrific and making me suicidal.

That sounds really tough and I think anyone would struggle. Is swimming an option in terms of getting out the house/comfort? (At weekends maybe or when DH is home in evenings to drive you)
Are there mum and baby type groups for after the baby is born so at least then you have some support? Can anyone visit from the UK to keep you sane a while?
Huge sympathies- being overseas can be really hard in ways it’s impossible to imagine beforehand but you are almost done with work and the pregnancy bit so just keep counting the days.

I have been swimming and it does help.

This is less about the country I am in, it's more just the home sickness and the physical isolation which I think I would have suffered in the UK to a large extent anyway. I had really bad "morning" sickness until week 20 and PGP from week 15 (the PGP was absolutely crippling in the beginning, it's actually better now, but I'm getting bigger so PGP+big belly is just not great for driving). I'd probably be in the house a lot right now in England too.

I don't know, nothing has gone how I had hoped and I don't feel I have anyone to talk to. I just feel like I'm failing at this whole pregnancy thing. I'm happy about the baby but everything feels so flat and miserable.

I'm the higher earner so there's a lot of pressure on my job as well and to make this work. I thought I could be superwoman, keep fit, ace my job, have a baby. Pregnancy has taken everything out of me though.

Instead of a film is there any chance of going for a slow evening walk while it's cooler? I remember in the pandemic being at a screen all day for work then went to a different screen for entertainment after work and as humans were not wired to find that fulfilling. Even if it's 15 mins I'm sure just being outside will boost your mood.