Should I keep my third baby

[Amyw27]

Hi,
I don't really know what I'm going to get from this but I'm hoping some advice from people who have been on similar situations.
I'm 9 weeks pregnant with my 3rd baby (complete shock) I have 2 boys already age nearly 6 and 2 and my eldest has diagnosed ASD. Life has been abit all over the place recently. I decided to split from children's dad (before I found out) as he wasn't very nice to me and after years of upset I bit the bullet and locked him out as there's no way of speaking to him like adults without him starting an argument or putting me down. He caused alot of problems (scratching my car and being abusive) but I've really tried to be nice for our kids. Anyway he's not happy at all and is emotionally blackmailing me saying he will cut us off if I continue with this pregnancy and that it's going to ruin his life. I'm not completely thrilled about this pregnancy for obvious reasons but part of me feels like it's happened for a reason and I should have the baby but then I doubt myself and think about how hard it will be with 3 children. I'm terrified to make the wrong decision and being alone doing it. He's never been hands on as a dad and I've mostly done it alone anyway but I think the fact I'll have no one scares me. What shall I do? I've tried to figure it out myself but my decision changes by the hour 😔

It's a really hard decision. You don't say how far along you are but give yourself as much time as you can. Do you have any close friends and family you can speak to? Don't keep it all inside - reach out as much as you can. You have lots of solid practical reasons not to keep, and there's no shame if you decide the situation isn't right, but also if you want to keep this baby then that's fine too and is the most important thing. And remember, whichever path you take, there'll probably be moments of regret but you can't ever know how things would have worked out differently either way.

I wouldn't have a baby in those circumstances but nobody can make the decision but you.

I'm also currently pregnant with my third and felt a lot of turmoil at the start, but now I'm 37 weeks and feeling mostly really excited, and so glad I didn't let anxiety get the best of me. But the difference is my husband and I have a solid relationship and he's a great dad.

That sounds like a very difficult decision to be in. All the best going forward.

It’s always an individual choice but I would never bring a baby into an abusive relationship with a father who doesn’t parent

When you say you have no one, do you mean literally? If you go ahead will your family be supportive and helpful? What about his family? He might be an arse but what about his siblings and parents? Are they involved in your 2 children's lives?

I think feelings trump everything here as it changes how you'd feel about an abortion.

Do you wish you weren't pregnant or do you feel any excitement to be pregnant?

She says she’s 9 weeks pregnant.

OP it’s a very hard decision, I would say you can’t consider his feelings in this, it’s not his choice at all. Maybe try being factual about it to help look at options, like can you afford it? If not, how will you survive? Can you keep your job with another baby? Will family help? Will this greatly disadvantage your existing children or is it likely to be ok? Then when you’ve established any facts add the emotion back in. In your heart do you want this baby? Nobody ‘wants’ an abortion, it’s not an easy thing for many to do, but it can be better than the alternative for many. I hope it all works out for you OP

Sometimes doing nothing is a decision. Child maintenance has improved for some. It is not something to rely on, but a bonus (said the woman from Child maintenance to me). It is wiser for you to take control of finance right now.

Or were you referring to childcare, that he will cut you out from? You can request flexible working from your employer. Sometimes, it won't work. But it would be a great idea to start negotiations.

When I struggle making decisions, I fix what I can and tick off things that needs doing. Most importantly I spring clean. Then my decision making becomes easier.

@Jk987 not completely alone I have my family. His family are just as bad as he is tbh they haven't even met my second x

@Shushquite i think he means financially and emotionally from other 2 children which makes me sad and he knows it.

I understand the financial aspect is scary but it sounds like your children won’t lose out much emotionally by not having this man in their lives.

He’s not legally allowed to cut you off financially. Go through CMS. Emotionally it sounds like your boys would be better off without an abusive man in their lives.

Amyw says in her opening post that she is nine weeks pregnant.

Amy, this is a difficult decision and I can understand how torn you feel.

It is a pity that you told your ex so early, pressure from him is not helping you come to your own decision and iit is up to you.

Nobody can make up your mind for you. If you opted for termination you might regret it a great deal but if you decide to go ahead and have the baby, I doubt you would regret that long term. You really do need to work out who will give you help and support and how you can organise your life around your children. Your eldest child may love having another baby sibling and want to help out in any way he can, it could mean the end of his problems. The younger one is still very much a baby himself and will need reassuring.

Good luck whatever you decide.