Unsupportive partner

[sazzlondon]

Hi all,
Just looking for a bit of guidance/advice/reassurance. I'm 6 months pregnant and becoming really upset with my partners attitude towards the pregnancy.

Our friends and family are so excited for us, as am I, but he acts so depressed and uninterested when anyone asks him about it. All I want is for him to show a bit of excitement or enthusiasm towards the new baby but there is just nothing there. It's really bringing me down and I'm starting to question if he even wants the baby.

Whenever I mention it he just shrugs it off and assures me he is happy about it. But I'm just getting so upset and embarrassed of his behaviour. I can't stop crying. I want to share my excitement with him and start planning for the baby but he shows zero interest in anything I suggest re nursery, prams etc.

For reference, we've only been together 1.5 years so it's a fairly new relationship but the baby was planned.

TIA
Xx

Speaking from experience I don’t think I was overly supportive I tried my best but it just felt forced
it seems illogical and sounds stupid as my wife was very visibly pregnant , nursery prepared but it didn’t seem real till the baby was actually here

Thanks

I think some partners just find it a bit intangible or overwhelming - he may not really be able to process its happening, might feel quite removed from it all (his life hasn't changed yet, he isn't feeling baby move etc) or he may be worried about finances, being a good father etc. Planning a nursery / pram shopping just isn't that interesting for some. Try to give him choices e.g. would he like to help select this pram this weekend, or is he happy for you to go with someone else for instance. Also, sometimes its useful to try to talk about something else for awhile - some partners struggle about every conversation suddenly being about baby, he might just need a bit of time to reconnect with you about other things :)

OP I'm sorry you're going through this. My DH was pretty unexcited about having a baby and generally not that invested during the pregnancy, didn't take time off for scans or help me prep all that much. But in the final month he kind of snapped into action, started looking into fastest route to hospital and reading some stuff about caring for babies. I was worried but he has ended up being an amazing dad and partner, so hands on and loves our son to pieces. I read somewhere that for some men it only becomes real when the baby arrives, it can be a hormonal thing. I hope things improve.

1.5 years in is quite quick to plan a baby. Maybe he just wasn't expecting it to happen so quickly and is taking time to adjust? It doesn't mean he won't become more excited as time goes on and the birth gets nearer.

just wanted to send a hand hold because I know exactly how you feel. It’s horrible and they could at least put our feelings first and act happy. I too feel embarrassed and it’s just so hard x

Thank you. X

Thank you for the kind words, I'm hoping that it gets better soon. X

Thank you for the advice. X

Yes it is quick (we are not spring chickens so didn't want to wait too long before trying and it happened quicker than we imagined), I'm hoping like you say he just needs a bit more time. Thanks. X

You’re welcome
I went a bit quiet myself because I got fed up with the lack of enthusiasm . He noticed me going quiet and he’s started talking more about baby today.

I think they need some time to let it sink in. Like some pp said it doesn’t feel real for them until it’s here Hope it all works out for you x

That's similar to my situation, I went quiet for a few days and think he noticed. I also bought him a 'new dad' book and he's been reading it and talking to me about bits which is positive! X