Separate hotel room for hen do?

[Bippityboppop]

I've been invited to a hen do in October. I'll be around 25 weeks pregnant by then.

The hen do is about 30/40 minutes from my house.

Their current plan is an air b and b for about 15 people, lots of drinking and games, bottomless brunch etc.

I've been super tired this pregnancy. I can't think of anything worse than trying to get some rest in a house full of drunk hens celebrating.

At first I thought of going to some parts then driving home. Now I'm thinking of booking a hotel near the air b and b and main town, so I can dip in and out to peace and quiet more easily, but also join in with as much as possible.

I don't know if this is pointless or will look weird?

This group doesn't know I'm pregnant yet.

What do you think?

The hen do is three days / two nights.

You likely wont feel like you do now at 25 weeks, first trimester is horrible but second is lovely. Though if it’s all focussed on drinking I’d probably decline completely.

I would just drive there each day to the parts that you’re wanting to go to. If you’re going to be too tired to drive home for 30 minutes then you’re probably going to be too tired to enjoy it full stop.

I don’t think it’s weird, just seems like a bit of a waste of money for such a short drive?

I'm hoping to be less tired, but I really don't like being around people drinking when I'm sober, and I definitely won't be going to bars and clubs till really late pregnant.

There's some Mr and mrs games, meals and that sort of thing that I'd like to be there for. Not sure how best to be involved.

I have debated this. I was thinking I'd only really drive home once a day, so if things I can join in with are a few hours apart I'd end up missing the things that happen later on.

I think it would be best to drive there and back each day.

I wouldn’t want to stay in the air bnb and not be able to get enough sleep.

But I also think it’s going to be awkward if you’re dipping in and out all day. You’d basically be saying you’d rather be alone in a hotel room than join in the next bit. (Which is a valid feeling but not the most social).

Do you have a schedule for it yet? I think going along to the bits that sound appealing and then going home rather than out drinking makes sense. Maybe just go for the daytime bits and come home in the evenings rather than staying over. I went to a friend's wedding recently and didn't mind everybody being drunk around me (one other friend was also sober because on medication) but had signed up for glamping that night early on and decided to skip it and go back to mine because it was pretty chilly. I was about an hour from home. Nobody was offended and everybody understood! So you're not committed to anything, you can see how you feel as the time approaches.

Also people are right that you'll probably feel better in the second trimester, I did!

No no schedule of sorts yet. But I know on the Saturday morning for example they are doing a bottomless brunch. I don't think I'd want to do that, but they could be doing something in the afternoon that I could join in for.

Oh I hadn’t realised you were planning to dip in and out throughout the day. I was assuming you would go to day time activities but then head home if, for example, everyone was heading out to a bar crawl.

I think coming and going multiple times a day would be a bit off. I have been to hen dos where pregnant guests couldn’t take part in a physical activity during the day and they’ve just watched/ hung around and had a drink while they waited. Might be a bit boring for them admittedly but I think it’s politer than coming and going.

I'm 29 weeks now and with the late second trimester still fresh in my mind I can say it's not like first trimester but there is every possibility you will be sore and tired and want to rest. I think making sure you have somewhere to retreat to, whether that's home or a hotel nearby, is a good idea.

Of course you might actually feel great, but if you already know you prefer not to be out in bars or around a lot of drinking, surely it just makes sense to give yourself another option. Plus, nice little treat for you before baby comes!

I think it would be a bit off to dip in and out, also you don’t know how you’re going to feel all the way in October. Maybe another friend could stay sober with you or you just leave after anyone’s drunk for the night

Hard to predict how you'll feel but I think staying locally and coming and going would be a bit weird. Better to drive there, stay for a good chunk, i.e. afternoon and evening, then drive home. I had some friends come for the day of my hen, then leave once we went out to bars. but please tell them now if you don't want to stay over at the main accommodation, as likely they'll book somewhere with enough beds and it's rude if you then say you're not staying (unless you're willing to pay). Seems weird to stay somewhere else when it's so close to home.

I’d just go to the main parts and then leave once it got late/everyone was drinking loads

Is everyone else staying over? Most local hens I’ve been to have people coming and going at various times

I just wouldn’t go. I felt awful for most of my second pregnancy and I certainly wouldn’t want to be away from home unnecessarily unless on a chilled holiday.

Everyone is different, I’m 23 weeks now but I think watching a group of people getting drunk would be awful lol
I’d stay at home and drive to some day time bits personally

I would cancel all together. I was sick the entire 40 weeks and couldn't think or anything worse. I couldnt eat and had little to no energy.

I would get a hotel. Not wasting time driving means you can spend more time socializing. You are going to want your own room and possibly your own bathroom.

I had similar at 6 months pregnant.

I chose to drive and arrive for breakfast on the middle day, stay with them for all the activities and drive home late after the dinner. So not staying overnight at all.

My two other pregnant friends regretted staying the night, but we all had a lovely day.

Dipping in and out will be annoying for the organisers. Just go for one full day.

How about once you've told the hen that you are pregnant, suggest something you can do together or as a group that doesn't involve drinking? A pamper session or something, that way you can feel a part of it but can steer away from the main hen weekend which sounds like it's going to be a boozy one.