How to tell my sister

[8weekscrossed]

Hi

I am 8 weeks pregnant. My sister has experienced 2 early losses, and is very depressed at the moment.

I am a very emotionally intelligent person but am feeling very nervous to tell her, as I know how she will feel, even if she won’t show it. I get it, I really do. I’m not one for “look at me” type things and will be very discreet, but I don’t want to keep it from her as I am spending a lot of time with her next month.

has anyone got any tips please, thanks

I couldn’t have children. It hurt every single time a friend got pregnant while I was going through it, but I just had to have a cry and then pick myself up.

I’d suggest texting her so she doesn’t have to speak to you if she’s upset. Then try not to “ram it in her face for a while. Not saying that you would! Hopefully she’ll get her head round it and be pleased for you, despite what she’s going through.

I think you will just have to be honest with her and tell her that you have some news that she might find hard to hear, that you're pregnant, explain that you are happy to be discreet so as to make it easier on her etc. She might be genuinely over the moon for you but if she takes it hard you need to remember that ultimately you are not responsible for her feelings here, you have done nothing wrong and you have amazing news that you are free to feel happy about. Good luck!

@Roryno and @Tdcp thank you both for your advice.

to confirm, she does already have a child, as do I. Not that it makes it easier, but I will definitely not make a big thing out of it, and let her bring it up when she is ready. I think I’d rather tell her face-to-face but will then be guided by her. Thanks again

I would wait at least until the 12w scan (especially as she has had early losses), and then send a text (not with the scan photo!). As someone who has experienced many early losses, this is how I would want to be told and how I told people who had experienced the same. It’s a horrible position to be in, I feel for both of you.

Thank you @Blisterly, I will try and hold out, but as I’m spending a whole 10 days with her soon, I’m not sure I will be able to hide it and I would rather tell her before we go. It’s so tough as I really don’t want to upset her

I think if it was a friend I would advise by text, but when it’s family I’d definitely suggest face to face but perhaps do it when your partner and her partner are there too, and then that means afterwards she has the emotional support (and vice versa for her partner). And I agree to wait until after your 12 week scan if you can

I don’t agree with necessarily waiting for 12 week scan, if you’re spending a lot of time together. I’m sure she won’t be surprised if you have a kid already and it’s worse if she guesses. Since I had a Miscarriage, friends have told me sooner than 12 weeks. Only you know if better by text or in person. I’d just keep it brief - if anything the fact you’re early might make it easier to tell her but say you don’t want further discussion.

Text her before you go.

Explain why you've text and not done it face to face. Explain you will bot bring up the subject unless she does. Give her time and space to delà with it before seeing you.

Thank you everyone. 💜

If you're spending 10 days together, tell her before then. I'd also recommend text or another way that she has space and time to feel any emotions privately

Congratultions on your pregnancy!
Another vote for a private message (not in a group WhatsApp and not with a scan attached which is what I experienced 6 weeks after a loss...)
A message will allow her to react to the news how she needs to.

It's going to upset her. There's no way of telling her that won't upset her. Will she be able to cancel? Why will she be able to tell do you normally drink loads?

I'd personally prefer a message than face to face - I've had both (each after a loss of mine) and I liked having time to digest and react privately, so that I didn't make my sister in law feel like she couldn't talk about her pregnancy or feel guilty about it when I was around.

Text message, at a time of day she's likely to be home and around with her partner (I.e. not the middle of the workday or when you know she's out on a social)