C Section with a 3 year old Toddler with no help after 2 weeks

[offsidecrown1224]

Has anyone else managed in this situation? How did it go for you? How did you prepare your toddler?

Husband has 3 weeks off of work, then it’ll be me, baby and toddler (33 months).

I haven’t got any friends who’ll be able to help (all working) and my family can’t get time off of work either sadly.

Does the 3 yo go to nursery at all? Recommend at least a couple of half days a week if you can.
Then otherwise make things easy for yourself. Lots of easy to grab snacks & lunches for you and your 3 yo. Cuddle time on the sofa with cbeebies or a Disney film in the afternoon. Some new games, sticker books, activity toys the 3 yo can do without much help.
Don't worry about stuff like keeping the house tidy.

Is the toddler in nursery or anything like that? Will your husband be around before and after work each day.

It is doable, but i would recommend massively lower your expectations of yourself and how the house will look for a while, as you get into the swing of things. Everyone fed, everyone clean. That's all that matters

Nursery assumes OP doesn't have to drive there

Toddler was 30 months when I had my second. I explained several times that I will need to go to the doctor to get the baby out, I will sleep there and when I come back my back will be sore so I won’t be able to carry him. It seemed to work as he generally accepted I can’t lift him.

By 2 weeks, the pain should be better so it’s the start of juggling a newborn whilst looking after a toddler. Honestly it’s not easy but my focus was just looking after them. What massively helped was getting a wrap which I could carry baby in whilst keeping myself free for the toddler. Periods of cluster feeding were tough though and that’s often when we had tv time.

You just wing it. You’ll be fine!

Dh prepared us all a lunch every morning to grab so that was taken care of, plus snacks. Lots of tv too because quite frankly I had just blown Ds1's world apart as he now had to share me (sahm) but we did talk about a baby coming and that they wouldn't do much. Ds was literally 3 when Ds2 was born.

If your eldest goes to nursery up their days and Dh takes them for the first few weeks until you can drive safely. I was only going to drive in an emergency.

Things like laundry, housework, should be done by your Dh so he gets up earlier. I stopped folding sleep suits, just shoved them all in a drawer until I got a better routine.

I had the same age gap and a C-section. It was fine honestly just take it slowly and TV isn’t your enemy for a few hrs if you are too tired to go out. I made sure my eldest was potty trained to make it easier and I think we had stopped using the buggy for him. Friends went the buggy board route for their older ones but I didn’t bother, I most often had the baby in a sling and then hands free to hold the older one’s hand.

After three weeks it should be fine. Don't worry about the state of the house or if your oldest watches more television than normal - it's temporary. You should be fine to drive and walk so will be able to get out of the house. Use a sling for baby if going out in the car so you're not lifting a pushchair in and out of the boot.

my 1st was 13months when I had 2nd. I could pick him up by day 2 post c section and was up and about as normal by 2 weeks post c section. Hopefully you’ll be pretty mobile by week 3 x

I’ve been there. The hardest thing was not being able to lift the 3 year old. I got out a lot. Easier when the 3 year old is occupied.

By three weeks I still wasn’t driving but we went for a good walk every day - I had a Marmet pram from when I was born with a seat on the front- to the park and did stuff at home . With my third c section I was driving again at four weeks.

Yeah I’ve done it twice. Once with a one year roll and a newborn and then again with newborn, 3 and 5 year old and DH was back at work after a week that time. It was fine, tiring but you find ways to cope, I’m not saying I was in top form, there was a lot of tv and time at home but we managed!

I have a 3 year age gap and after DH’s 2 weeks paternity I was fine doing the nursery run with the stroller + buggy board and just ignored any housework! Also trained the 3YO up whilst I was still pregnant to make sure they were in a bed not the cot, get in/out the car, step stools in all the bathrooms, hop on/off the buggy board etc. so I wouldn’t have to lift them. If you don’t have nursery I’d go with some new toys that don’t require you to get down on the floor like play doh, arty stuff, I got mine a big sylvanians house and put it on the dining table, and don’t feel guilty if they watch a bit more TV than usual.

Ive done this a couple of times (4 children) and multiple C-sections

Is the 3 year old at nursery?

Is the 3 year old potty trained that is easier if they can go to the toilet independently.

In those early days I just focussed on the toddler and baby during the day. DH would make me and toddler a "packed lunch" in the fridge, a hot drink in a flask so no rush of spillage and a big water bottle with a straw.

I had a "special basket" of toys that only came out when I was feeding baby. Simple things like boards books, mini pot of play dough and cutter, simple puzzles etc. Anything to keep toddler occupied while you feed baby.

Don't worry about laundry, cooking etc surely your DH can do that when he gets home. Or if you get a quiet minute pop something in the slow cooker in the morning. Or pizza / freezer food never hurt anyone for a few months weeks.

If you feel up to getting out and there's any playgroups near by that could be good. We had one at a local church that I went to at around 3 weeks just for a change of scene and toddler can burn off some energy!

I miss those quiet gentle cosy days 😔

DD1 was nearly 21 months when DD2 arrived by section (emergency not planned but we knew it was likely). DH had to go back to work after two weeks (I think DD2 was slightly less than two weeks in the end when he went back as he started his time off when I went into hospital to have her but she wasn't born till a couple of days later.) I worked hard in the weeks beforehand on making sure DD1 could get into/out of everything she needed to without my lifting her as that seemed to be the immediate biggest problem.

I also made sure we had a good stock of books and games for when I was feeding baby or otherwise stuck. I found I could have baby in a sling pretty much straight away so we were able to walk to the park etc, but I've heard others say they couldn't use a sling straight after a section, so YMMV on that.

We also put DD2's Moses basket on a stand (so I didn't have to bend too much!) inside the playpen, so I didn't have to worry about DD1 accidentally knocking it over or putting toys in it or whatever when I was out of the room.

I was a bit concerned about how it would all go but actually it was fine - DD1 was delighted to have me more or less stuck on the sofa for a couple of weeks - a captive audience to be made to read books to her!

Physically I think you'll be mostly fine by that stage, obviously won't be able to carry your toddler any where so I would start prepping for that if you still carry or lift them places and start not doing that so it's not something they have to learn when the baby is here. I would get your husband to put the pram up in the hallway before he leaves so you have that ready, and just get everything downstairs that you need.

Not allowed to drive until the 6/8 week check?

I’ve also done it, it’s not fun but it’s doable. Lower your standards - everyone fed and occupied. I was able to get out with the pushchair for a walk, not a long one by any means but slow to keep the toddler happy.

It was fine. I recovered well from c section quickly

Just to say I've not been there but I will be soon so it's good to read this thread! I've upped my son's days at pre school and am going to make some freezer slow cooker 'dump' meals which I'm hoping will help! Kept my sling from last time

Thank you so much to everyone for your advice and experiences. I’m feeling much braver and more confident that I can do it - even if the house is going to be a disaster and there’s going to be a lot of TV!

@rallyup You can drive as long as you feel comfortable to do so and if your insurance company is happy for you to do so. I was driving ten days after my section.

When OP feels ready to drive she just needs to ring her insurance company to check that she will be covered.

After x3 C. Sections in close succession and a ten year old, I tried to get out during the day as much as possible to tire the children out. If the weather permits, going for a nice walk together, or playgroup if it's raining will be great for staying bonded with your little one when the baby is sleeping. If housework gets too much, could you hire some occasional help? (Cleaner). Like others have mentioned, the TV is a big help too. Lots of YouTube for toddlers. Good luck.