When did you tell people about your pregnancy?

[Everlore]

Hi. We had our twelve week scan today and, thank god, everything looks normal and seems to be progressing well, such a relief.
Apart from medical and care professionals, the only person who knows about our pregnancy is my sister. She knew we were undergoing IVF and I am very close to her and know she can keep a secret and she has been a great support during these early stressful weeks.
I know that many people typically start to tell people their news following the twelve week scan, but I'm not sure I feel ready and my husband is similarly reticent. I know the likelihood of things going wrong decreases significantly after twelve weeks but, perhaps superstitiously, we don't want to tempt fate.
I think we are going to compromise on telling my husband's parents now, my beloved parents are sadly no longer with us, as we are close to my in-laws and I think they should be the first to be told. We plan to hold off telling wider family and friends until we please god reach the twenty week stage. Does this seem over-cautious? Did anyone else wait till twenty weeks to announce their pregnancy more widely? This does feel right for us so I may well have answered my own question, but I'd be interested to hear other people's experiences and views on this subject.

Do what you feel is right, the only people you may need to tell is your employers depending on situation. You may also finding trying to hide it becomes an inconvenience but do what makes you happy.

I'm pregnant with my 2nd and have told most family already (11 weeks) as I gave up hiding it and trying to cover it up but won't tell others just yet.

Do what's right for you. I told close family and friends when I was about 8-9 weeks pregnant, and then unfortunately had a miscarriage at 11 weeks. I have zero regrets, and it actually made it easier for us to be open about the miscarriage, which helped a lot. I'm pregnant again, and also shared fairly early on, including with my manager when I was about 6/7 weeks as I was so unwell. I'm very pro sharing early, as I think it helps dis-stigmatize miscarriage and help people realise how common it is. But totally up to you, wait until the birth if you want! There's no point where it's totally safe.

I had to have a TFMR in my first pregnancy, so for my first successful pregnancy I waited until 20 weeks + to tell work, family, friends etc. Luckily it was winter and I was able to hide under some tent like dresses and large cardigans. I’m currently 12 weeks pregnant again (scan next week, very nervous …) and I’m already visibly pregnant. If all continues to go well, I will have to tell work pretty soon and won’t be able to wait until 20 weeks. I totally get it, it’s really scary saying it out loud. 20 weeks isn’t that unusual to wait and I would do what makes you feel comfortable and safe.

Parents about 5 weeks, everyone else whenever it came up. So a load of people at 10 weeks when I was asked about not drinking at a wedding. Some people first knew when the babies arrived. I didn't announce it ever, I announced births. Other people I just mentioned being pregnant to if I saw them mostly.

Parents knew very early for long story reasons, but didn't tell anyone else including family until after the 20wk scan. That was what was right for us.

Not pregnant myself yet but my sister waited until after her 20 week scan before telling us as she was worried about things going wrong. She waited substantially longer than that to tell anyone who wasn't a close friend or immediate family - although it was lockdown at the time so much easier to hide the bump. Some people didn't find out until baby was here and all was well and good.

Ultimately you have to do what's right for you and if waiting feels right, there's nothing wrong with that.

As soon as we found out

Friends of mine in a similar situation to you, IVF and feeling unsure about telling people just didn't. They didn't do any big announcements and just let it come out naturally when it was obvious that she was pregnant.
You don't have to tell anyone anything at any point to be honest. Just do what you feel comfortable with.

There's no need to tell anybody if you don't feel like it. We didn't tell any extra people until they noticed it or after birth for those who live elsewhere. We kept it minimum as we had experienced loss before and knew there's no guarantee until the baby is actually born and we know everything is truly ok.

I told my sister at 5 weeks (similar to you), then the rest of my family at 12 weeks, close friends around 16 weeks (we had a scare with the 12 week screening results and were sent for an extra 16 week scan so decided to wait until then even tho NIPT had come back clear meanwhile), other friends gradually since, mostly after 20 weeks, and there are still people I haven't told now at 29 weeks (although anybody I see IRL would figure it out pretty quickly 😅). I told work around 16 weeks as well but if I was feeling more unwell or had a more strenuous job I would have told them sooner. It's totally up to you. Nobody is entitled to know except you and your partner so just do what feels right!

I didn’t tell anyone until it was unavoidable - IVF baby and I knew how much pregnancy announcements hurt and I just couldn’t stand the idea that my news might hurt people I love (in fact I swore I wasn’t going to tell people at all but as everyone pointed out there was a point when it was blindingly obvious!!). Eg my car broke down blocking the entire street and I didn’t want people to think I was being a princess refusing to help push it out of the road so all my neighbours found out!

this time round I’ve told a couple mum friends I’m going through ivf so they will know fairly soon because they have been my support throughout . As an independent mum I know I’ll need support if anything goes wrong as I don’t have family nearby. My mum knew the second I got the test because I was a sobbing mess 😂

everyone else - I’m following the same as last time and keeping it quiet until it becomes too obvious .

Thanks for the great responses, realistically I know it is down to us how and when we tell people about our news, but it's good to hear that everyone on here has found a way of negotiating this that works for them.
We have agreed that we will tell my in-laws next week when they are visiting us. I speak to my mother-in-law a few times a week but I don't think this is the sort of news which is best delivered over the phone, especially since we don't live too far away and will be meeting in person very soon. I expect them to be thoroughly shocked, I'm sure they have no idea that we have been trying to conceive and just assumed we didn't want children. My husband is an only child so this will be their first grandchild, I'm sure they'll be delighted once they get over the initial surprise, we are very close and get on well.
I definitely think we will hold off telling friends and wider family until later if possible. My husband's work is already aware as he had to take time to attend scans with me.
We are due to attend a big birthday party a few days after our twenty week scan where most of our friends will be in attendance. Please god, all being well, we will probably start mentioning it to people then, I know there's a good chance that, please god all being well, it may be obvious by then so might just come up casually in conversation.
We would never dream of making any big public announcement, just mentioning it to friends and family when we see them. Neither of us do much social media, I sometimes post about gigs I've been to or albums I'm enjoying on Facebook but that's about as personal as I get, so no big FB announcement for me, though I know that can work for many, especially if you have lots of friends and family who live far away or you don't get to see often.
I'm certainly not showing yet, I haven't gained a single pound in first trimester despite eating well and not suffering from sickness, but I'm told this is nothing to worry about. I believe it's fairly normal with first babies not to start showing till a little later so trying not to put too much stock by that, especially as scans show that baby is developping normally, thank god.
Thanks again for your advice.

We waited until 20 weeks both times as that was when I got a tiny bump.

So many of my friends announced it mega early and then became pregnancy bores, I did the opposite.

I want to wait until 20 weeks but we have reasons to tell immediate family (upcoming holiday has to be cancelled). Also at 10 weeks I already look bloated at showing even though I don't have a bump and I will probably be showing before then!

Wait as long as you want if that's what makes you feel comfortable.

Personally I would wait with telling anybody until you have had the scan and even 12w scan just to make sure all is ok.

We told both sets of parents and my sister at 7 weeks after an early scan, then told extended family/friends/colleagues around 15 weeks once we had the results back from the combined screening. I decided to do a post on Facebook after the 20 week scan to tell casual friends who I knew would be interested and would like to know but who I knew I would never get round to contacting individually.

Congratulations and good luck for the rest of your pregnancy.

I’m 14 weeks now, I told in laws at 6 weeks as they were with us, but my own parents I told after 12 week scan. Told close friends at around 6 weeks and have just now started telling more friends and family individually.

I have a friend due at same time as me and was totally boggled that they did an instagram gender reveal a few weeks ago! I still feel so early on! But everyone is different :)

Another waiting till 20 weeks.

Waited until 12 weeks to tell my parents although my DP and my best friend were told early on. In laws a few weeks later. Everyone else after the 20 week scan. Hopefully all is well, but if the worst should happen then the less people who know the better. You don't want to have to relive trauma over and over again.

I'm 17.5 weeks and a lot of people still don't know.

My parents were told around the 10-13 week mark. I've only just old my eldest.

I do feel like I'm not getting to share the pregnancy joy as much which is the only down side to not announcing early I think. I feel like I'm still in the early days of hiding.

In previous pregnancies, everyone has known by 13 weeks. Told our parents early weeks and then announced on social media after the 12 week scan. But we lost our last DC at 16 weeks so just couldn't face any announcements this time round.

Different things effect different people's decisions. Go with what your gut tells you.

My mum knew at 6 weeks but only because she guessed something was wrong with me as I had really bad nausea. Immediate family we told at 15 weeks. I'm 17 weeks now and no one else knows except for my boss.

Just as an FYI its generally bad form to make an announcement like this at someone else's event.

I know it doesn't feel like an announcement ie. You arent broadcasting it but I wouldn't chose some one else's event to be the time that you confirm or tell others you're pregnant.

Tell them when you want. I didn't tell work until 20 weeks, or distant family. I told my mum within a few days, close friends and MIL at 12 weeks, and then everyone else either as I saw them, or when we put the birth announcement on Facebook. (I didn't announce my pregnancy online.)

I didn't want a big fuss or attention before he was born as I was so anxious, so it felt natural to do it that way.

I have a friend who told her parents and close family at 12 weeks and then didn't tell anyone else, unless they seen her in person they didn't know she was pregnant.