So torn on even trying to BF

[Bells3032]

I had my first daughter at 34 weeks. I am a t1 diabetic so hospital were keen for me to express to express colostrum. despite me trying to do it myself and having midwives virtually pummel me for hours i only ever got a drop or two out and never enough to even collect in a syringe realistically. My milk never came in and despite pumping with a hospital grade pump and nursing round the clock for a month i never even made enough to cover the bottom of the bottle - literally half an hour would procure a few drops at most. she was hospitalised at 2 weeks old as she'd lost so much weight. i was anxious, stressed and it really marred the first month of her life. my husband when he returned to work when she was a month old begged me to give up which i did and was so much happier for it. she is thriving and happy two year old now.

I am now nearly 37 weeks with my second so wanting to express some colostrum. i am following all the examples but finding the whole thing physically (and mentally) painful. I see all these women express loads on their first try whilst i am there for half an hour and get a couple of small drops at most, just squeezing down on my breasts i find really really painful.

I want to be able to give baby at least colostrum even though i am likely to bottle feed after that but finding it so hard. i want to give up already but i feel guilty esp since i am diabetic. my husband, who is usually the most loving and supportive person ever, is not being very supportive at all as he just remembers what a state i was in last time and wants to skip straight to bottle feeding rather than risk going through that again - but says he'll support whatever decision i make.

I don't know what i want. how do i feel so guilty already? how do i make up my mind

i can’t speak for the diabetes but I can say that I didn’t manage to express a single drop of colostrum prior to having my daughter. I was a pretty hormonal mess about it - but she popped out, nursed straight away and …. Three years on we’re still going strong.

ive never been much good at pumping or expressing (despite being a massive overproducer!) - maybe some boobs just need a baby ?

of course if you choose to bottle feed, that will always be your body your choice - but please don’t feel you have to give up simply because this part isn’t working .

I EBFed both of mine but was never really any good at pumping - I could only do it at all if I was sniffing the baby at the same time 😂 - so all this syringing colostrum in advance seems like an impossible ask to me.

How about you turn up at the hospital with the plan to “give it a go”. No pumping or syringing. Just put baby on breast once born. But have all the bottle stuff with you so if it doesn’t work then you have a plan B

Probably going to get flamed but it sounds like after what you went through and the fact it seems to be no different now, maybe just go straight to bottle and save yourself the stress and anxiety. That can't be good for you or baby. As you said your little one was bottle fed from 1 month and is a happy healthy toddler. Please don't keep hurting yourself for this. There's nothing wrong with bottle feeding. Mine was bottle fed from day 1 btw. good luck 😊

As above, breastfeeding was straightforward for me but I hated pumping and hardly got any milk. I wouldn't bother with pumping at all this time, but would still try to breastfeed, then move to bottles if it doesn't work out.

There’s absolutely no guilt needed. Your baby needs fed and you will feed your baby. Look at your happy, thriving daughter and know that you are a great mum.

Happy mum = Happy baby - let go of the guilt x

I think whatever decision you make, don't base it on expressing colostrum now because that just isn't an indicator of how much milk you will or won't produce.

I agree with the poster who said just plan on giving it a go once the baby is here, and just see what happens. And switch to formula if it doesn't work, or if you just decide that's what you'd prefer for whatever reason.

You need to do that it right for you and your family and either decision will be okay! for what it’s worth I had a very difficult bf journey with my first and pumping was terrible and I never got colostrum on either child…. But my second latched and it was super easy, in fact she refused a bottle and I’m feeding 2 years later. I’m so glad I tried - I had a low threshold for going to formula in my mind for her as I didn’t want to repeat the heartache I went through on first - but from minute she was born she found it easy and I had no issues, compared to first when I had everything! So if you really want to do it, get lots of info, meet with a lactation consultation before birth, don’t stress about collecting prior and just put to boob. Then if it doesn’t work, you go to formula as soon as you want. That’s IF you want to try!! Best of luck!

I think there is a difference in a pre-term baby and a full term baby and in your body's readiness to breastfeed towards the end of the pregnancy.

The rest I agree with! Don't put yourself under pressure. There will be colostrum in your boobs for the first few days (?) before it turns to milk. So even if you don't get any syringes, you can put baby to breast if you feel like it.

However, your mental health is the most important thing and if using formula means you are a happier mum then that is amazing ❤️

No experience of diabetes but we were readmitted due to weight loss and I fell down a complete rabbit hole with becoming obsessed with pumping though as was not very successful either!

If we have number 2 I’d go straight to combi feeding from the start and I use a haakka from the start as I had some success using that while feeding on the other side- like didn’t get masses but normally enough to top up a bottle a day!!

Its such a minefield and no one warns you how hard it can be to BF with weight issues so sending you lots of hugs!!

I could never express a drop, still successfully breastfed for 26 months. Being able
to express tells you absolutely nothing about supply. If I used expressing as a measure of milk output I too had zero, but that was absolutely not true as my baby could atest.
I also never needed a single breastpad, never leaked anything at all.

Hospitals really do spout some absolute nonsense about breastfeeding-no wonder it’s so shit in this country.

Dont feel guilty if it’s not right for you! You could have a go at feeding at the breast in hospital if expressing isn’t working, but if it ends up causing stress then there’s no need to beat yourself up. Plenty of babies thrive without colostrum!

Just a note on colostrum. A few drops is all you should really expect before (and often just after) birth. If you are collecting before birth you should be given 1ml syringes, it's so concentrated that you really inly need tiny amounts to get the benifits.
laleche.org.uk/antenatal-expression-of-colostrum/

Of the breastfeeding, you could always just give it a go and see what happens. Some. Mums find feeding their second much easier because they're less worried about normal newborn behaviour than they were with their first.

I never managed to express any colostrum at all in either of my pregnancies and managed to breastfeed fine, if anything I am an over supplier this time round. Being able to express colostrum doesn't indicate milk supply when baby is here. That being said, breastfeeding can be incredibly challenging for a number of reasons. I tried to go into this pregnancy (baby is 5 weeks old) with the view of - I want to try breastfeeding but if it's not working out for whatever reason then I'll not be hard on myself for switching for formula.

All the best but please don't put too much pressure on yourself either.