Feeling awful - midwife made me feel bad for going into triage

[minnieot]

This pregnancy has been difficult from the beginning as I'm 21 and neurodiverse, have always suffered from anxiety and had two early miscarriages right before this pregnancy.

The first 12 weeks were miserable, I was so worried about miscarriage again and having nonstop private scans. After that, I moved on to worrying about preterm labour as my mum had all of her children very early, her waters breaking at 19 weeks with my brother, so I was so paranoid about that until recently. Then at 27 weeks I became really paranoid about movements as baby turned head down and I have an anterior placenta, the movements became more cushioned and felt very different so I went in three separate times for that.

I spoke to the mental health midwife who I'm seeing regularly about my worries about movements and she suggested I be seen twice a week, on Tuesdays and Fridays for a CTG to keep me going and she also said to still call up if I'm ever worried, no matter how many times a day, as that's what they're there for.

Anyway, this past week has been horrible as I became unwell on Tuesday last week and tested positive for Covid the day after. I spoke to the midwives who told me to I still needed to keep going in for my appointments and they they'd see me in a separate room and to still call up if I needed it. I've been feeling a lot better Covid wise but last night I started with bad stomach cramps and diarrhoea so I've been very paranoid about food poisoning and I felt baby was moving a bit less so I went in at 2am and was monitored. The midwife told me afterwards to still make sure I'm going in for my appointments so I went home.

Today, boyfriend and I went to hospital for my Tuesday CTG still, as I was told to do. I arrived there and explained how I've been being seen in a separate room, the triage midwife went to speak to the ward to see if they had any rooms available, she came back and said as I'm not symptomatic for Covid anymore they'd be seeing me in a room with 4 beds on the ward and took me to my bed and told me to wait for a midwife to come attach me to a monitor.

15 minutes later a midwife came and told me to go speak to her in the staff lounge. She sat me down and closed the door and started saying how I shouldn't have been in there with loose stools. Please bear in mind I was wearing a mask, I've been washing my hands and sanitising them, I didn't choose to be put in that room. She then proceeded to say that I was only seen last night so don't need to be seen again. I explained that I have bad anxiety and have been being monitored and she seemed annoyed and said she'd monitor me but only because I wanted to be monitored but still kept banging on about how I shouldn't be going in that often and she'd have to get a doctor to speak to me as they don't see people as frequently as they see me and I need to see somebody for my mental health (I already am). All of this was said so rudely and I felt like a student being lectured by a head teacher.

After she left the room to speak to a doctor I burst into tears, she made me feel like such a dirty time waster and made me feel so guilty. I feel scared to go in in the future and so embarrassed that I've been in so many times already. I don't mean to waste time, I just worry about my baby.

Boyfriend and I decided to just leave as I was very upset and felt like I didn't deserve to be monitored anymore but the midwives at the front desk were concerned and told me to stay to be monitored and boyfriend explained the situation to them.

They put me in a private room and new midwife was lovely and understanding and apologised a lot but I couldn't stop crying and had a panic attack just because of how guilty and embarrassed I feel.

Sorry this has been so long, I just needed to let it out somewhere as I'm still feeling so rubbish physically and this past month has been so hard mentally. I'm so scared that all of the midwives are secretly judging me for going in too often, but every time I've been in has been for a genuine concern of mine, I just want my son to arrive safely. I'm just so upset

Hi Op

from what I can make out you’ve just stuck to your appointments as you’ve been told. As with all professions the majority of midwives are lovely as you’ve experienced but there will always be those who aren’t, or she might have been having a bad day not that it’s an excuse. Remember your heightened anxiety and emotions at the moment will be causing you to take things much harder than you would normally too. I had scans throughout my pregnancy as my baby was measuring small and had a bad experience with a sonographer I called the hospital and asked not to be seen by her again, they were apologetic and I never had her at any of my appointments. I promise your little one will be worth all the stress. Take care :)

Some midwives are horrid, it’s the same as any job. Sometimes you encounter someone who gives terrible service. It says more about them than you. I had a really moany midwife once when I was pregnant. Mcda twins, diagnosed with pre-eclampsia. I was in for monitoring and steroids to prepare babies for coming early.

She said consultants don’t know everything, the twins had plenty of growing room yet, and that I was entitled to refuse treatment. I actually felt her advice was dangerous and poorly placed given we’d only just met, she’d not read my notes, but consultant and his team had been Monitoring me since I was 9 weeks.

Opinions are like arseholes; everyone has one. They aren’t necessarily right or should be listened to. I’m sure it’s difficult because of your anxiety but on some level I’m sure you know you should listen to the health professionals who have been working with you and are properly trained to support you not some random with an “opinion”

Hey OP. I’m 39 and currently 38+6 weeks pregnant with my first baby. I already had anxiety before pregnancy but since I’ve been pregnant it’s taken it to a whole new level. I too have been have twice weekly CTGs to help and I cannot tell you how many times I have been into triage. My document folder is one of the biggest and heaviest because of how many times I’ve been in and out. Every single time I go in I apologise and say I’m sorry for wasting your time and their response is always ‘Our job is to check you and baby are ok and we are here for those worries and concerns.’
Last time I was in triage for reduced movements I told them I hadn’t felt my little girl move for 3-4 hours and they asked me why I left it so long to go in.
Please don’t let one midwife put you off doing what you need to do to check your baby is ok x

Report this. Horrible behaviour from midwife.

I would be easy on the midwife. Everyone has different communication style. For example, I am possibly on the spectrum, and came from a country with a very direct communication style, so I am often perceived rude even when I just try to be helpful. I know, I wasn't there, so this might not be a case and she was really just mean...

She has a point though with mental health, can you get even more support?

And don't hesitate to go in for a check again, if you feel you need to, just go and get your check

You’ve gone in for the recommended treatment and nothing more - NO one should be making you feel guilty for that!!! Every time I’ve been triage (3 times at 35 weeks with reduced movement) I’ve been encouraged to come again if needed and made to feel really good about the whole experience. I would suggest reporting her, as if someone spoke to me like that I’d feel discouraged from going again even if needed.

Some midwives are just horrible. I had a couple of horrible run ins when I had my baby.

You carry on with your appointments and monitoring and don't let her faze you. If you are challenged again, don't mention the anxiety, I'd just say I'm attending monitoring appointments as I've been told to by x and x.