Am I overreacting?

[DollMc]

Bit of a back story, I'm 30 weeks pregnant with our first and I've had such an awful pregnancy. I'm actually going through treatment for depression because I havnt coped well with the changes and pressures I put on myself (happy to say I'm in a much better headspace 🙌). My initial weight was 0.7 over what is classed as a 'healthy' weight for pregnancy so I'm classed as high risk in addition to family health issues so it all comes together.

Every so often my partner makes a comment on my size or what I'm eating. For clarity, I'm 5'8 and a size 16/18. When I was born I was a big baby (10lbs - my poor mother haha) but also long at around 59cm. My partner was premature, was overweight as a toddler but is now around my height and very slim build.

Tonight I was eating malteasers and passed them to him cause I wouldn't of stopped and he commented about how if I carry on the baby is going to be big. Am I overreacting to be really upset by this? When I challenged him (basically yes I get it I'm fat so the baby will be fat - very original) he said he's only telling me what he learnt on the prenatal classes that 'I make' him attend and it'll only hurt more when I give birth.

Other people have commented on my size and how big I look and I confided in him how low it makes me feel (anyone who's grown up a little more chunky and funky can understand the constant feeling of judgement and how impactful words like that can hurt or dwell on a person) so he should be more considerate, surely?

It's making me feel ashamed of how I look and how if my baby boy is born bigger how judged he'll be and I don't ever want him to feel that way. Even more so that I'm failing him already and he's not even here.

My diet hasn't changed since falling pregnant apart from probably eating less due to sickness. I've never denied myself treats but I also eat a lot of fruit and veg etc and remained the same size for the last maybe 12 years. I also do a prenatal yoga class weekly where as previously I'd go to the gym twice a week. I'm swelling up whilst pregnant but all diabetes and preeclampsia tests have come back completely fine.

Essentially I'm struggling to manage whether my emotions are high and I should brush it off or if he's a total cock womble and I'm right to be annoyed.

P.s sorry for swearing!

He's a knob

I might not be a right person to comment as I am in the normal weight range and I don't have the same experiences as you.

I think it might be that he is just trying to be helpful as he is concerned.

I often warn my husband, when he eats too many biscuits, so I might be an asshole myself too. So from this part I would say he is probably meaning well and doesn't want to hurt

On the other hand, my husband tells me if I should work out more too, which pisses me off, but tbh he usually has a point. And from this part, I think you are right to feel annoyed too.

It is difficult to talk about eating and weight without hurting.

I think if you’re putting on excessive weight in pregnancy then it is fair enough for him to be concerned about you and the baby. You still have 10 weeks to go and will get even bigger these last 10 weeks. I put on 4 stone when I was pregnant I was a size 8 and 9 stone when I conceived…people commented I looked big all the time unfortunately it’s just part of being pregnant, people think commenting on your size is okay because it’s baby not you.

Did he actually comment on your size or how big you are? From what you've said his comment was in relation to what you were eating and the potential size of the baby.
I get why if you feel sensitive about this area already then it might feel hurtful, but remember he likely has the best interests of you and your baby at heart. You are both on the same team.

Perhaps suggest ways he can support you better with healthy eating over the rest of your pregnancy?

I don't think the weight you put on from eating relates to the size of the baby. I barely put on a stone and my baby was 10lbs 4oz at 37 weeks!
However one shouldn't put on too much. But really do people honestly think other people need to be told they are eating too much? @BeLemonQuoter I'd give you short shrift if you thought you could monitor my biscuit intake (and you should equally tell him to mind his own about working out).

Hey OP. I was a size 14/16 when I fell pregnant, I’m still fitting in my clothes at 38+3. I’ve gained 7.5lbs during pregnancy and my baby is currently weighing 8lb 11. I just because you gain weight it doesn’t mean your baby is going to be huge, or vice versa. I’ve struggled throughout my pregnancy with anxiety as it’s my first baby and I’m just constantly worried something is wrong. Your partner needs to be supporting at this time, not putting you down. I’ve not eaten healthier during pregnancy so I don’t know how I haven’t gained as much weight. Be kind to yourself if he can’t, you are growing a human being, it’s hard work x