Is this a good reason to want a baby or am I be irrational?

[HappyKite2067]

I’ve always wanted children, but over the years I’ve kept putting back having them due to switching careers and retraining, moving around a lot and of course, the increase cost of living.

We are now (fingers crossed) about to be stable for a while, we’ve bought a home and have two secure (hopefully) jobs. I started to realise around 6 months ago we are moving into a position to have children, but we both decided to wait a couple of years, work our way up more in our careers, settle into the new home and area, and just have some us time.

However, we found out one of his parents is poorly and one of mine is, in the last couple of months. Death isn’t imminent but we aren’t going to get the time we thought we had with them.

We both decided last night we’d like to start TTC this month so they can meet their grand baby and have some years with them. Although we know we may not conceive for some time, which is why we thought we should try.

This is obviously an emotional based response and I wanted to know if anyone had a similar reaction to realising your parents mortality? We do want children and are absolutely in a place to love and care for them, but we are moving this forward for this reason.

It sounds like this was just the final trigger when you had already been thinking about it for a long time. I'd go for it.

Everyone has different reasons but a baby will make you concentrate on them, not your parents.

Yes I’d say it was a factor for us, not illness but parents getting older so wanting them to have time with their grandkid.

Late 20s (F) and early 30s (M)!

So long as you're both in agreement then I think it's fine.

I think if we all waited for the "right time" to have kids we would never have them. I think if you know you want kids and are financially stable enough then taking into account t parents health is as good a reason as any to start trying it's completely normal to take that into account and want them to have time with their grandchild . Best of luck

10 years! And we are engaged, we just keep putting off planning a wedding due to expense and time ha!

It sounds like a good time to start trying in terms of your age, values and financial situation. Grandkids will bring joy which is an added bonus. One thing I felt is once you have babies, everything else you did before that becomes insignificant and doesn't matter. Go for it.

It sounds like you are in a stable loving relationship, you both have secure jobs and are settled in a home, you are young but not too young. Obviously your parents health plays a big part for you deciding to try right now but it's not the only reason so go for it.

I think if you're in your early 30s then it's a big advantage to start trying now rather than waiting a couple more years anyway!

I’d go for it, watching parents and in laws dote on their grandchildren is one of the most special things to witness. A new baby makes everyone so much closer as a family. As long as you and your partner have a solid relationship, once the baby is here everything else falls into place.

I can’t fathom someone questioning why we wouldn’t want to spend our life together just because we got together young. We met at University, and have built our lives together. He proposed and he is my best friend. I believe in commitment and committing has gotten us to this place.

Go for it! Life is short and you're ready, everything else will fall into place 🥰

All reasons for wanting children are irrational. They are expensive, demanding, steal your time, mess up your house, really expensive... but they are a joy. As long as you don't choose to have them at what is obviously a wrong time, you just do it when it seems right.

My reason for deciding to ttc was being told by a consultant post surgery that we would need ivf to have a child so start trying now then they could start the ivf route 1 year down the road. I discovered I had fertility issues because I was in pain and finally diagnosed with endometriosis not because we were trying for a baby in fact we were actively trying to prevent a pregnancy.

We had been married a few years, I was late 20s and we planned to start ttc in our early 30s. All that went out of the window. We had a massive talk about finances and how it would it work in reality, researched childcare costs, kitting out for a baby etc and then I became pregnant naturally immediately so again another curve ball resulting in another ok so this is happening now talk.

I think the only thing I would say is have the conversation now about finances, especially maternity leave pay (we had joint savings and agreed to use that to compensate my lack of contribution during maternity leave) me returning to work on a part time basis, nursery runs, responsibility for leaving work to collect a poorly child etc.

However, we were married so honestly, to protect yourself financially I would get that wedding sorted otherwise it will be pushed to the back burner and later it could be an issue.

We had a conversation a few weeks ago about booking in at a registry office and just signing to get married, and then doing a seperate ceremony and party at another point. He wanted to get married this summer and it’s been me pushing it (only because I know I’ll be the wedding planner if that makes sense).

Please do consider getting married before a baby arrives, as the woman who will likely make more financial sacrifices, it gives you some protection financially if you split.

Get. Married.

If childless couples choose to remain unmarried then that is absolutely their prerogative. But I think it is foolish to have children with someone you aren’t married to. Marriage offers so, so much protection to women.

Also, as someone else has mentioned. Discuss finances and discuss it again. Maternity leave, how you’ll fund it. Will you return to work full time? If not how will you work out finances? If you don’t currently “pool” your money, you should when you have children.

I’d go for it. Good age to have children.

It’s not actually your reason for having children though is it? It’s one of the reasons for pushing it up your agenda and it’s not a bad one.

We have discussed it a lot! We can afford for me to be part time if that’s what I wanted (I also have a great occupational maternity policy).

We already pool money and have done for the past 5 years. We will get married as soon as possible!