Age gaps between children

[kiana2015]

Hi I currently have a 9 week old and I can't help but think about my next child, I want them to be close but then I have heard how hard two under two is, what does everyone think the best age gaps are?

I think all gaps have pros and cons. Most people I knew waited until their first would get funded childcare hours. And bear in mind it’s often not possible to plan age gaps, secondary infertility is very common

I have a 10 week old baby and we are planning on trying again next summer. Obviously I know it could take time to conceive our second baby but starting then means that even if we were successful quickly our first baby will be 2 by the time our second is born. My logic was that by that age they are a little bit more independent but it’s still a small enough age gap that they will be able to play with each other etc, it’s the same age gap my sister and I have and means growing up we were able to do soft plays/parks etc and play together where sometimes with a bigger age gap its harder to find things both kids will enjoy as one may be too old for activities the younger would enjoy. I don’t think I’m brave enough to attempt 2 under 2!😂x

Close to two years is common with people I know. I had 18 months and it was brutal but I think any age gap would have been.

Lots of advantages to 2 under 2 in my opinion. My eldest still had a long nap in the day when I had the newborn, her needs were very straightforward, they have never known life without the other and are best mates. 20 month gap.

I thought two under two was brilliant. Loved it. In fact, I went on to have a third as well. Don’t be put off by all the negative stories because there are also plenty of positive ones and lots of benefits to having them close together.

I have big age gaps between my 3 and I regret that. Although yes it was "easier" in some ways, I think there have definitely been downsides, it's been tricky having them all at different stages of life.

I have 20 months and have never regretted it.

However its personality rather than age really. DD1 was a really easy going toddler. DD2... well you needed about six pairs of eyes, she was a little menace. Crawled at 5 months, and straight into climbing everything. Couldn't turn your back for a second... a baby when she was 20 months would have been a nightmare!

We hoped for a 3 year gap and managed to get one, so Ds was at preschool nursery for 5 mornings a week term time which helped with a newborn. Plus no double buggy, no 2 cots, one toilet trained child so only one in nappies and an older child you can reason with who understands taking turns ie who gets Mum. Plus hand me down clothing which might be more of an issue with a smaller age gap.

Further down the line, less competitive schooling as they are 3 school years apart no A levels and GCSEs at the same time, no 2 children in uni. One in uni is currently costing just over £5k per year. Ouch.

20 months again difference here and it's been great!

Sorry age

Sometimes there isn’t a choice of age gaps due to infertility, treatment processes, relationship changes etc by time this baby comes il have a 13yr old and 9 yr old.
i was married for 15 years and together 22 before he died last year and now in new relationship. He don’t have any children. I’m 36 so said now or never.

We’re planning to start trying again after our son turns two, so hoping for around a three year age gap. It just feels right for us. I’ve never liked the idea of two under two. I’ve worked with children and I would say a three year old with a newborn is more manageable than a two year old in most cases (though not always). Plus it’s recommended to wait 18-24 months (depending on who you ask) after a birth to start trying again. So in my mind waiting two years is giving my body plenty of time to recover from the first pregnancy. I’m not saying you can’t have a perfectly healthy pregnancy and birth earlier than that, but waiting the full two years feels safer to me.

Life is better long term when you have them as close together as you can financially and practically manage imo.
mine are 3 years apart and I often wish it was closer to 2

I’ve seen pros and cons to all kinds of gaps for all kinds of reasons!

Worst for me based on my parents experience is “have a baby then oldest starts school instantly.” My brother and I are 4.5 years apart - he came along and weeks later off to school I went. Mum said she’d have never planned it like that as it added to jealously and confusion, he was a little surprise 😆.

Best - I’ve seen two under two or three work really well. Only works later in life if they like each other though! My friend has a sibling 16 months younger who she can’t stand. She then has another sibling who was a late in life surprise with a gap of almost 17 years! They are best of mates! My DH has a brother 14 years younger, also really good bond and spend lots of time together. My Mum and Auntie are 11 years apart, best of mates too! So I guess in my experience big gaps have worked well!

We are looking at a big gap sadly but not due to planning. DSD is 9 and we are struggling to conceive, been trying since she was 7 and now about to start round two of IVF. So I’m glad in lots of ways that I’ve seen big gaps be so successful! If I was lucky enough to have a successful IVF though we’ve agreed that we’d go again as soon as we were allowed to. So might yet have experience of both! 😅

I think it's all dependant on you as an individual tbf. I did originally want a 2 year age gap. When DS was 2 there was no way I would have survived having him and a newborn. And he was a fairly easy toddler, but I was just so worried about him still depending on me alot for everything and then adding another into the mix

We're going for about three years, it's what we aimed for (pregnant now) for a few reasons. Oldest will be toilet trained, in his own bed and well adjusted at preschool. He plays independently for a little bit and I've enjoyed being able to concentrate on him for a few years! Second can use the now available crib and no need for a double buggy. Yet oldest will still be too young to really remember his time without a sibling! I had a bit of a traumatic birth and was advised not to get pregnant for at least 24 months after so that was obviously also a consideration.

We're going to be having a 4.5 year age gap and that's sort of what we planned we wanted DS to be at school before we had a 2nd and financially made a lot of sense for us.

I worry about the age difference but as DS can do a lot of things independently it seems right for us, I was not a fan of the baby stage so it's taken a while to want to do it again.

I'm pregnant with our third. There is about 3.5 yrs between first and second, and then another almost exactly three years between second and third. It took us 4 months to conceive our second and 6 months for the third. We couldn't have had the second any earlier really either, I mean we could have, but financially and career wise it wouldn't have been a good idea, that was the main reasons we waited as long as we did. Third one we are more stable so could have gone for it sooner in theory but we were just dithering for ages over whether to stop at 2 or not. I feel comfortable with the three year gap again as I know what to expect from it this time, I think I'd have struggled a lot more with a smaller gap. Definitely never would have had any very close together due to the health risks and exhaustion and just sheer stress of looking after two little ones so close in age! I also would have had to quit work to do that due to childcare costs, as I'm a low earner, but ive never wanted to be a SAHM.

Mine are aged 18, 16, 13, 11 and 10. There are advantages and disadvantages . Also age gaps are hard to plan as ttc can take longer or shorter than you expect.

I don’t think it matters really. Mine are 20 months apart…I wanted to have them close so that my time in PT employment was shorter (I went back to FT once the baby went to secondary school). My DC are best friends or worst enemies, depending on the day. 😂 Their cousins are 3 years apart—also best friends and worst enemies. My BFF’s are 7 years apart, and are best friends and worst enemies. Conclusion: there is no “best” age gap! 😂

I really don't think there is a perfect gap. I have 3 years 9 months which has good and bad points- easier when DD2 was born because the eldest was more independent and in school part time, but downside is now that they're older the younger one annoys the older one quite a lot and the older one doesn't want to play anymore so the younger gets lonely

Everyone with smaller or bigger gaps have had their own plus and minus points.

I have 2 years and 2 months between my two DS. There are pros and cons.

I remember trying to spoon mashed banana into DS2 while DS1 peed on the carpet, for example. Things always seemed to clash! Then there are the financial practicalities - at one point I was paying for two nursery places with no free hours (although times have changed, maybe it's not the same problem now?). Then there is university. If they both go, there will be an overlap, unless I can persuade DS2 to go and teach in Thailand for a bit!

On the bright side, it gets all the nappies, sleepless nights, etc out of the way quicker and before you find you can't face it again. And they are great friends with lots in common!

Hiya, I think it depends on your child and how challenging they are and also on your life circumstances and what you can cope with. I found it very difficult to wean my little one off breastfeeding, she was very clingy and needed a lot of my attention. I couldn't have imagined having another before she turned 2. She's now 3 since April and I'm due again in December, so there'll be over 3.5 years gap. I'd prefer a 3 year gap but that's way it goes. She is now potty trained and much easier to handle now than when she was 2. She still doesn't sleep the night, she wakes every night so it'll be fun with a newborn added to the mix!!