I feel like giving up.. I don't think I can do it

[MonkeyTales]

I feel like giving up already... I am 5 weeks along, it wasn't planned. I been off sick for almost 3 years because I had a cyst and endometriosis really bad and needed surgery. I finally had my surgery and ready to go back to work and now it's all messed up...
I been on antidepressants almost my entire life, really bad depression and I recently been diagnosed with ADHD and the meds for that really helped me. And now I had to stop my meds. I am unmedicated for the first time since I was a kid and I don't function, I just want to sleep and cry and now I got morning sickness. I have a new job lined up, I am 99% sure I got it and I am just waiting for the call to confirm it and now I don't even know if I can take it. How can I work like this? Just sick and tired all the time..
I also don't want to lie to them but if I tell them I am pregnant they won't offer me the job... And if they do offer me the job.. can I even do it?
My partner is very supportive and over the moon about the pregnancy. But I don't want to be like this for months... I don't know what to do. I am not even entitled to any benefits as I lost my ESA because I am now "fit for work" so I have no income, nothing. Can't get universal credit because my partner works. I am just a huge burden, have been for years and I was just gonna change that, and this happens. I want the baby...I think, I know my partner wants nothing more than to be a dad and I am in my mid 30s and have lots of scarring from endometriosis etc so maybe it's my only chance. But I just don't know how to do this.

Slow down, don't panic.

You can speak to the gp about resuming your medication or finding an alternative one. There may be something that isn't too risky to take in pregnancy.

Morning sickness usually doesn't last more than 3-4 months. There's also medication you can get for that.

You absolutely can keep working if you get the right support.

Unplanned.. I always been sensitive to anything messing with my hormones so I didn't want birth control pills. And we haven't been sexually active because of my surgery that was very recent, I was told it was unlikely I could have kids so we had sex ONCE and didn't have protection. One time. And this....

I don't know, I don't think I ever really thought about it seriously.. because I didn't think I could, we talked about maybe being foster parents.

It's been days and I am going insane already, I can't do months... 3-4 months sounds like a lifetime right now. Maybe I am just not strong enough for this

You have time to think.
Would you like to be a parent and raise a child?
What has the dynamic been like with your partner when you were ill? If a child means you have to delay going back to work, will he financially provide for you and still see you as an equal partner? How do you feel about that?
Make a GP appointment (if you can!) to talk through medication now. When you know, do you think the medical support you can get will make things manageable?
Say yes to the job and don't tell them about the pregnancy until you've had time to think.
I'm sorry things feel overwhelming right now.

Say yes to the job, regardless of how you feel. You still have months to decide.

Pregnancy is no picnic, and I can’t imagine what it's like being off meds you need as well. You need an appointment with a doctor to talk through your options on how to manage the pregnancy. Your wellbeing comes first and foremost.

Financially, can your DH provide comfortably? And beyond being excited, is he actually helpful and does he understand pregnancy is very hard work on any woman?

You are NOT a burden! You are currently carrying his child at great sacrifice to your wellbeing.

I just don't want to lie, and if I show up to work, throwing up every other second, they will know anyway. And then they won't want me back after the baby is born because I lied. If I tell them the truth I am hoping they will still give me a chance after the pregnancy is over even if I miss out on it now. Maybe that's naive.

He is great, he is not the problem, he would support me not working the entire pregnancy if that's what it took, it's about me. I don't think I can do it. I need to be a person again, I been sick so long and I am so bored being home all the time and I want to work. But I don't want to burn any bridges with this company because I really want to work for them long term. Starting a job pregnant on day one is not a good way to build a career and I already missed so many years..

Electronics engineer

Workbench based mainly I think, might have to go out on site now and again...

The way you put it, it seems almost meant to be. As you said, it's difficult getting pregnant with endo. I understand you feel sick and done with hospitals.

Having gone through infertility treatments for months, getting poked and prodded and inspected, I hated going back for injections and tests, etc every week of my pregnancy.

I also understand how difficult it is to let go of/ put a hold on your career.

If I were in your shoes, I would just hold on until I get the job offer. I would not mention anything and it could just be that I didn't know.
Meanwhile I would talk to my health provider about my concerns and there are several medications for HG. I would get on those.
After securing the job offer, I would probably let them know I've had prior health conditions (which could be why I'm sick), and would let them know about the pregnancy maybe at week 12. And mention that I plan to work as long as possible.

If it turns out that I cannot manage work, I would look at other options (work from home, quit, etc). Luckily, I did get the option to work from home throughout my pregnancy because I asked.. This is just what I would do..

I need to be a person again, I been sick so long and I am so bored being home all the time and I want to work

I know people on this thread mean well but this stuck out to me and we need to be honest. I have an understanding employer and I didn't have such severe sickness (I had some). I have barely, barely coped (32 weeks now). I did not give 100% to my job, maybe like 50%. I relied a lot on the goodwill I already built and a flexible schedule to make this work and I am still stressed to the hills and upset about what a shit employee I have been. If OP already feels rotten, starting a brand new job could be very challenging.

And I sympathise with the boredom and feeling sick for so long. I have never been so bored and not like myself like I have when pregnant.

My best friend LOVED being pregnant and took it as an opportunity to do NOTHING. Just sat on the sofa, worked from home, and ate ice cream. To me, that sounds like a prison. If you're eager to go out there and work and rebuild your life, the pregnancy will hinder that.

There is a very good chance that the sickness stops at 12 weeks. But I don't think pretending that pregnancy is a breeze is helpful, particularly to someone struggling already.

@MonkeyTales It might help to try to put your work concerns to the side for a moment. If work wasn't an issue - would you want a baby just now? If the answer is yes, then you can consider work.

In terms of work - they cannot fire you, cannot withhold an offer of a promotion and cannot penalise you not telling them your pregnant straight away. That is discrimination. As a pregnant person, you have rights. It is perfectly reasonable not to tell a workplace you are pregnant before 12 weeks. I started a new job role when I was pregnant - my workplace were very understanding. If you want to become more informed about your rights, this is a good place to go: https://pregnantthenscrewed.com/category/advice/

I think you just need to do some soul searching, and decide if you want this baby or not. If you want this baby, it sounds like you have a supportive partner that will help make this work. If you don't want this baby though, that's also very much your right to make a decision on.