I recently found out that my sister is pregnant. In the same conversation she admitted to me that she has anxiety around becoming a parent.
We have generational trauma that we're both trying to get away from. We've both done therapy and are trying our best, but are still affected by our childhoods and family past. Not passing the trauma on has always been a primary concern for both of us regarding the choice of whether or not to become parents. While I once very much wanted to be a parent, my past combined with life experiences, and my health, have led to the final decision not to become a parent.
My sister faced similar internal conflict about the decision. Then, a few years ago she became dangerously ill. She has since recovered physically, but the experience took a mental toll and her outlook on life has changed. I think she lost a certain sense of security (really bad things can happen out of nowhere) and, with the doctors not always able to give definitive answers, trust (the people we expect to have all the answers, don't always have them; sometimes we're just alone).
I don't know, but suspect the pregnancy was a surprise.
Combine all this with awareness on her part that while parenting can be wonderful, it is also extremely difficult. Sometimes it's just plain hard. And people/society doesn't really always want to acknowledge this and expects you to just carry on and be happy about parenthood all the time. Sort of a you made your bed, lie in it and be happy about it.
She says her partner (who had an idyllic childhood and wonderful parents) doesn't really understand her anxiety. He is just excited to become a Dad. Very supportive, but in a different space mentally.
As a non-parent I feel lost as to how to support her and help ease her anxieties. I know her concerns are real and valid, and I tell her this. I also know that she can do this. I tell her this too. Will it be easy? No. Will it suck? Sometimes. But she will be an amazing Mom. Still, I don't feel this is enough. Surely there are other ways I can support her? Something more than just paying lip service to the challenges she will be facing?
I would very much appreciate any advice. Just as a caveat: I have several chronic illnesses and can't provide very much physical support as I have limited energy (I wouldn't, for example, be much use a night nanny, or extra pair of hands for cleaning and food preparation when they are adjusting as new parents), but am open to just about anything else that might help her.
Thanks in advance.