What is wrong with me?

[beneaththesunshine]

I have two children 9 and 7, one of each. DP and I are casually planning a third, we can accommodate a third in every way. With first two pregnancies I was excited, we planned them. For some reason with third I think we are both scared of rocking the boat but also would love to have a third.

The clock is ticking, I am 37 DP 39. When it comes to DTD I get so scared, I don't want to go all the way, but when my period comes along I am sad I am not pregnant. Another month goes by and we DTD, then we period is late I freak out thinking I may be pregnant and feel sheer panic!

I think I am scared to 'ruin' the lives of my current two if something were to go wrong with pregnancy or health of new addition meaning my time with them is even more split than what it would be.

Did anyone else go through the same, how can I overcome this?

Have a really good think about whether you actually want a baby. Not the idea of a baby, the actual stuff it involves, and the impact it will have on the other two.

It sounds to me like you are struggling to come to terms with the fact that your family is complete, but that in fact you feel like it is, and don't really want to change it.

I have been thinking for so long and I change my mind daily. Heart says go for it everything will be fine, head tells me to not.

I don't mind all the actual stuff, I enjoyed it with my current children (and yes I have had one easy and one tough).

It's more the unknown I am concerned with and how that will impact the other 2.

Well, the fact is it will. I'm not an objective party as my mother had her next child when I was 8 and it was a disaster for me and my older sister, we were completely abandoned and neglected throughout our teenage years.

It's close to impossible to give a baby the time they need and a pre-teen the attention they need. It's a tricky age. But I'm sure if you ask a whole load of people will come along and say they managed fine and their dc have everything they need.