36 weeks and missing old life already

[Laurenn86]

I’m 36 weeks pregnant and for the past week or so i’m feeling so sad and nostalgic for my old life, and worried i’m going to regret having a baby. The sunny weather doesn’t help, just reminds me of all the things I won’t be able to do anymore and already can’t do because i’m so big and pregnant. Is this a normal feeling? I have a step child and find the time with him so monotonous and mundane. I can’t muster any motivation or enthusiasm for kid stuff at the moment and feel so bored. Is this what the future looks like for me?

I know there are things you can’t do at the moment due to being pregnant but what are the things you think you won’t be able to do once baby is here? I have a 10 week old baby right now and honestly do pretty much exactly the same things as I would have done last year pre-baby! I honestly think there’s a bit of a common misconception that you can’t do all of the usual things you would do with a baby but that is a choice you make for yourself, it’s up to you what life looks like with a baby! Especially small babies, they literally feed, poo, sleep, cry & repeat- they can do that wherever you are! X

It is possible to do a lot of the same things after you have a baby. We love to travel so took our then 4 month old to southern Spain earlier this year and have other trips abroad planned with them over summer. It takes more planning / effort to get there but once you’re there it’s worth it. If you’re going to be stuck feeding a baby, better to be stuck somewhere sunny and picturesque!

Everyone has those last minute nerves before baby arrives, don't worry! It's totally normal and yes it does change your life, but it's wonderful as well. I think it is important to carve out some time for doing pre-baby things once you feel recovered from birth and happy to leave LO (with dad or with grandparents etc if you have that support), because it just helps to retain a bit of life separate from just being "mum" all the time.

you can do lots of stuff while they are a baby as you fit them in your life.

When they become toddlers, that becomes harder because things usually have to revolve around them and what keeps them happy/entertained, but that’s not forever.

might tough at first to juggle everything but you will definitely be able to do lots of pre baby stuff ( wi the maybe more planning, not as spontaneous lol)

Thanks for your replies. That’s reassuring. Maybe it’s being thrown into step parenting a toddler who is now 6 and has always been very needy/demanding of attention. I find the time with him very draining without the reward feeling if that makes sense. Which is making me question if i’m cut out to be a parent at all. Today for example I just wanted to be anywhere else other than in the park with him. I’m drained and exhausted as it is, and like I say totally lacking any enthusiasm for kid stuff

What things can’t you do anymore? I don’t feel like my life has changed much at all since being pregnant, ive still been on holiday, go out for dinner /drinks; I’m going to 2 festivals this summer. Obv will be different with a baby but you don’t have to do kids stuff all the time, and you and your partner can take turns to do things without the baby.

I also do think you’ll find it different with your own kid, to a step kid

Yeh. Maybe i’ll put it down to a bad day, and the fear of the unknown in this later stage of pregnancy.

It will be very different with your own child. The step parenting boards here are full of posts from step mums who also have their own children and feel very differently. It makes sense that you're feeling you've already given up a lot though before you've even had your own baby, without getting much back. It's good to allow yourself to grieve this transition. It is grief as you are losing your old life, as as yet you haven't had any of the joy you will get from your baby. Adjusting to parenthood is hard and takes time. Many parents do miss their old lives, sometimes for years. When you do eventually adjust though, family life feels like second nature and when you start to get bits of freedom back they feel ten times better!

I honestly think having a step child will prepare you much more for having your own, you already know bringing up kids isn't all sunshine and rainbows, it's bloody hard! I think i was in shock for a good while after having mine as I'd never even looked after a child in my life.

I think it's a ramp up in hormones. Also 36w pregnant and this week I have turned into angry, grumpy, emotional mess, all the stereotypes! When I had been mostly fine up to now! It's hot and hard work! I have a 6yo and finding parenting tough this week, and getting v sad about how much our life is about to change. Think it's normal! And there will be lots of positives. Hopefully you can have a quiet day today and rest - I'm planning on feet up in the garden with an iced coffee!

I'm 26 weeks OP and thoroughly miserable with bad pelvic pain - can't walk, can't exercise well (which helps me feel good and relax) and it's all making me think: What am I doing, what have I done?!?!?!

One thing I hold on to is a friend's experience: she considered terminating right up til the last minute, and was really worried about the restrictions having a child would place on her life. She was crippled with anxiety, worry and dread. But since he's been born, she loves it.

I went into this knowing it wouldn't be a walk in the park. I hope we'll both be pleasantly surprised! (One bonus of low expectations, ha!)