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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Pregnant and Feeling Hopeless

14 replies

HumblyHopeful · 26/06/2024 17:26

Hi, am writing because I am currently dealing with one of the toughest situations of my life. I met a guy who I thought was a great man. We dated for a couple of months before engaging in sex. Second time we did have sex I ended up getting pregnant. At this time we have only been dating for 4 months. One day I missed my period and I knew this was not likely of my body so I took a test, it came back positive. I was excited but conflicted at the same time. I reached out to him within the same day and he let me know his thoughts... He did not think we were ready to have a child. In my mind I thought the same thing, but I knew I wasn't going to get an abortion. I knew this right away, because I had one in the past and told myself I would never do it again. So about a day or so later I let him know that I was keeping the baby. He took a day to get back with me. He just said he needed some time to get his thoughts together. Not once did he ever say that I should get an abortion but he did say that he didn't think we were ready. For the first few months things seemed to be going fine, except for the fact I was a very emotional person and all over the place with my emotions. I wanted more from him than what he was giving and that caused us to have arguments often. That eventually led to me pushing him away. This was around me being 4 months pregnant. At this time I contemplated getting an abortion because I knew it's what he wanted deep down inside, and every time I mentioned it, I was able to get him to talk to me. So I scheduled me an appointment and was going to go through with it because I felt like I wanted him to stay in my life and this seemed like the only way I would be able to make that happen. The day of my appointment I woke up and decided I wasn't going to terminate my baby, especially because I was already so far along. I loved her and knew I wanted to keep her so I chose her instead. I let him know and it seemed like everything changed again. At that point he distanced himself and we went from spending time together almost every week to not seeing each other for a month and a half. During that time communication also was limited between us. It hurt so badly because in reality I wanted to be with him, but at this point I put so much focus into the mom I was about to become even though it still hurt me so badly. I just tried to stay strong. So during this time he finally reached out to me again. Almost every day. We finally met up and seen each other and I was still hearing from. For me it' was not as much as I would like but at the end of the day we are still not in a relationship, and he tells me that we will be. During this time that we finally met up I did sleep with him. But at this point I'm so done with being given the bare minimum especially not knowing what he is really doing in his spare time. I try so hard to redirect my thoughts away from him and onto my baby girl and sometimes it works but I still have my days. At this point two days ago I messaged him a detailed message about what I wanted and was looking for. I told him how I wasn't happy and that I wanted to be together and how we both want two different things in life right now and it hurts me more being lead on and just receiving a good morning text from him or only hearing from him once a day through a text message and nothing else for the rest of the day. I expressed how we haven't talked about anything regarding the baby, like if he will be at the baby shower or at the hospital when I give birth, or if he will even help me with watching her after she gets here so I can work.... I completely understand that we are not in a relationship but I wanted one. And just feels like he is striningg me along so I told him to go enjoy the life that he wants and that I will never keep his child away from him if he wanted to be in her life. I just feel like I can't have him in my life the way that he wants to be and he should just stop pretending to care about me, because he isn't willing to be with me completely but get the benefits of being with me. And he never responded. Not one time, and I haven't heard from him ever since. I felt like I just wanted to cut off communication until my baby gets here because my feelings are involved but now I'm scared that I encouraged him to not reappear in her life. I want him to be in her life I truly do, and he has told me that he will when we got back in contact but now I feel that I ruined everything by sending him that message. I never wanted to be in this situation alone. I want my child to know her father but I know I can't force anyone to do anything that they don't want to do. I wanted him to be at the baby shower, I wanted him to be at the hospital I never wanted to experience pregnancy alone even though I know there are so many strong mommas out there that has done it. Now that I felt I was being strong and standing up for myself I'm currently so sad. I don't want to seem selfish because again we are not together but why can't I have the love that I feel like I deserve... Now I'm just hurting because I feel like we will never talk again and I'm struggling to move on. I just need some advice on how I can stop feeling this way. I feel so sad and don't know what to do. I feel like I ruined everything for speaking on how I feel instead of just accepting the way things were.... I feel so sad that I ruined everything for my daughter 😔

OP posts:
AlliumLake · 26/06/2024 17:45

I think you need to rethink your priorities and be realistic. You got pregnant by accident in a very new relationship, and chose to continue the pregnancy knowing that he didn’t want the baby, as was of course your right. But a relationship was never going to work in those circumstances, and you seem to have thought it might. I think you need to acknowledge that you will more than likely be raising this baby alone, stop thinking in terms of your relationship with the father, and have a civil conversation about child support.

TheShellBeach · 26/06/2024 17:53

I'm sorry OP. You sound so sad.

It would be best not to imagine a future with this man. Focus your energies on your coming daughter and make sure you put in a CMS claim.

Don't put him on the birth certificate.

He wouldn't be at the baby shower anyway - that's just a female thing. And you might as well not bother with one. Keep your money for your baby.

HumblyHopeful · 26/06/2024 18:06

AlliumLake · 26/06/2024 17:45

I think you need to rethink your priorities and be realistic. You got pregnant by accident in a very new relationship, and chose to continue the pregnancy knowing that he didn’t want the baby, as was of course your right. But a relationship was never going to work in those circumstances, and you seem to have thought it might. I think you need to acknowledge that you will more than likely be raising this baby alone, stop thinking in terms of your relationship with the father, and have a civil conversation about child support.

I did think that it might work, but who wouldn't want it to work... I know I need to move on with my life and be a good mommy to my daughter because that's what she deserves. At least one parent that's going to be there for her. So you are right. I never wanted to go the child support route because unfortunately he works a job that he gets paid under the table by and I don't know if he will ever be able to contribute if I put him on child support anyways. But I guess it's still worth a shot. Thank you for your insight

OP posts:
HumblyHopeful · 26/06/2024 18:10

TheShellBeach · 26/06/2024 17:53

I'm sorry OP. You sound so sad.

It would be best not to imagine a future with this man. Focus your energies on your coming daughter and make sure you put in a CMS claim.

Don't put him on the birth certificate.

He wouldn't be at the baby shower anyway - that's just a female thing. And you might as well not bother with one. Keep your money for your baby.

I'm actually really heartbroken... I am going to listen to your advice about no longer imagining a future with him because that's exactly what is hurting me the most.. the thought of what could have been. And it's very unhealthy for me😔 I wasn't going to do child support but I know you ladies are right, even if I never receive it at least I tried... It sucks because in the day and age all I see are men at the baby showers and that's what hurts me the most that I'll look like an outcast and everyone would be wondering why he isn't there. Unfortunately all of my family are encouraging me to have one even though I didn't want one because I didn't think he would show.... I think I will still move forward with a very small intimate one with close friends and family. Thank you for your advice

OP posts:
AlliumLake · 26/06/2024 18:17

HumblyHopeful · 26/06/2024 18:10

I'm actually really heartbroken... I am going to listen to your advice about no longer imagining a future with him because that's exactly what is hurting me the most.. the thought of what could have been. And it's very unhealthy for me😔 I wasn't going to do child support but I know you ladies are right, even if I never receive it at least I tried... It sucks because in the day and age all I see are men at the baby showers and that's what hurts me the most that I'll look like an outcast and everyone would be wondering why he isn't there. Unfortunately all of my family are encouraging me to have one even though I didn't want one because I didn't think he would show.... I think I will still move forward with a very small intimate one with close friends and family. Thank you for your advice

Are you in the UK? I have never in my life seen a man at a baby shower. Those are for the female friends and family of the pregnant woman, usually organised by a sister or close friend. Again, that seems like a skewed priority. I think you need to come to terms with this relationship being over, and focusing instead on how you will bring up your child. Best wishes.

HumblyHopeful · 26/06/2024 18:28

AlliumLake · 26/06/2024 18:17

Are you in the UK? I have never in my life seen a man at a baby shower. Those are for the female friends and family of the pregnant woman, usually organised by a sister or close friend. Again, that seems like a skewed priority. I think you need to come to terms with this relationship being over, and focusing instead on how you will bring up your child. Best wishes.

Maybe you are right, I will continue to think about it. And no I am in the US, you know how everything is over here, TERRIBLE! But my mother and best friend did say that they would plan it. But I'll give it more thought. I appreciate you listening. Keep me in your prayers if you do pray🙏 thank you ❤️

OP posts:
TheShellBeach · 26/06/2024 18:50

I do pray, honey.
I'll keep you in my prayers, I* *promise.

Kiwi23 · 26/06/2024 18:59

I’m so sorry your going through this..

unfortunately you can’t make him want what he dosent want seems as tho he is using you for his own gain..

you and your baby will be fine without him you don’t want a man that dosnt want what you want.

time to try focusing on your future with your baby and it will be amazing I’m sure hard now but once she’s here you will look back and think he’s not worth my pain and upset xx

BabyDust13 · 26/06/2024 19:19

Just remember you're going to be a mummy to a beautiful baby girl and one day she'll be grown up and you wouldn't want her to be messed around by a man like that so why do you think you deserve it.

You're better than that and once your little girl comes along you'll wonder why you even gave him a second thought

Best of luck to you

Kellyaust · 26/06/2024 20:38

You sound like a lovely person, you're going to be a great mummy and more fool him for not wanting to be a part of that.

Concentrate on the joy you're going to feel when you see your little girls face! Trust me that will take away any pain you have. And one day you will meet someone you gives you all the time and love you deserve and will even be the best daddy to your baby girl because blood isn't always the best...it takes a real man to be a daddy and this guy doesn't fit the bill.

Good luck 🤞

HumblyHopeful · 26/06/2024 22:17

Kiwi23 · 26/06/2024 18:59

I’m so sorry your going through this..

unfortunately you can’t make him want what he dosent want seems as tho he is using you for his own gain..

you and your baby will be fine without him you don’t want a man that dosnt want what you want.

time to try focusing on your future with your baby and it will be amazing I’m sure hard now but once she’s here you will look back and think he’s not worth my pain and upset xx

You are absolutely right. I definitely can't make a man want what he doesn't want. I try to keep telling myself that just because I have the ideal situation in my head doesn't mean that it'll go that way and the more I create it and it doesn't happen the more disappointment I'm going to experience. I just have to shake the idea of it... It's definitely hard now but every time I think about her I smile. I really do love her. I can't wait to look back and think that he wasn't even worth it. Thank you for your kind words 💞

OP posts:
HumblyHopeful · 26/06/2024 22:19

BabyDust13 · 26/06/2024 19:19

Just remember you're going to be a mummy to a beautiful baby girl and one day she'll be grown up and you wouldn't want her to be messed around by a man like that so why do you think you deserve it.

You're better than that and once your little girl comes along you'll wonder why you even gave him a second thought

Best of luck to you

🥺🥺 I would be so disappointed in her if she accepted a man to treat her the way I let this man treat me. I agree with you. We don't deserve that. I'll teach her, her worth, that's exactly why I need to believe in mine now🫶. I can't wait until she gets her so we can just have the love of one another. I appreciate you ❤️

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HumblyHopeful · 26/06/2024 22:23

Kellyaust · 26/06/2024 20:38

You sound like a lovely person, you're going to be a great mummy and more fool him for not wanting to be a part of that.

Concentrate on the joy you're going to feel when you see your little girls face! Trust me that will take away any pain you have. And one day you will meet someone you gives you all the time and love you deserve and will even be the best daddy to your baby girl because blood isn't always the best...it takes a real man to be a daddy and this guy doesn't fit the bill.

Good luck 🤞

Sometimes I think that because of the heart that I have, is why people take advantage of me... This is the first time I thought to myself that I wish I could change my ways, but then I wouldn't be true to myself. I'm going to try to never let anyone make me feel like I should change. When I see her face I know everything that I've been through will be worth it. And you are absolutely right, I have faith that one day the right man will come along and accept me and my baby girl, and he will give us all of the love that we deserve. I am so happy to have women like the ones on this post to encourage me that everything will be alright. You ladies have no idea how much I need to hear things like this, even if I don't want to. It keeps me strong and helps me keep going. Thank you so much ❤️❤️

OP posts:
HumblyHopeful · 26/06/2024 22:31

TheShellBeach · 26/06/2024 18:50

I do pray, honey.
I'll keep you in my prayers, I* *promise.

🫶🫶🫶❤️

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