Mum commenting on my pregnancy weight

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And it’s affecting my mental health. I’ve always been a bit overweight - not obese but need to be careful with what I eat. My weight always was a topic during my childhood and it’s been on my mind a lot as an adult. I knew that accepting weight gain in pregnancy and moving into the ‘obese’ category because of it might be challenging for me, but I managed quite well mentally/emotionally so far. I’m currently 28 weeks and I’ve put on 6kg, which puts my current BMI at 30. My mum keeps asking how much I weigh, how much I’ve put on, and reminds me to keep it more under control or otherwise I’ll never be able to return to a healthy weight. I feel I’m starting to struggle because of that, I’m not comfortable anymore to initiate intimacy with DH because of how I look…not sure what the solution is, I just know that I felt much better in my body without my mum’s constant reminders to watch my weight.

OP I'm so sorry you're being treated that way by your mother. You've gained an absolutely normal amount of weight for your pregnancy and I'm sure I don't need to tell you that. It's all your growing baby, fluids, blood, placenta, breasts. It's a brilliant sign you're nourishing your baby and your body as you should be. It's something to be proud of, not made to feel terrible about by someone close to you.

If I'm perfectly honest, it sounds as though maybe your mother has food/eating/body image issues? Is this something she struggles with herself? I have a good friend who is and always has been demented her by her mother when it comes to food and weight and it's just so unfair to see.

I would have a frank conversation with her about how she's making you feel. Remind her that you're growing a healthy baby and body changes are a normal and necessary part of pregnancy. I think you need to be firm with her and let her know that you won't accept her negative and unnecessary comments as it's negatively impacting your mental health and your experience of pregnancy. You should be enjoying this time, not having her putting doubts and worries in your mind. I would tell her you'll be lead by your midwife when it comes to nutrition and weight gain in pregnancy, and once the midwife has no concerns you won't either.

Stay strong, be proud of the amazing job you're doing and how your body is growing a little miracle!!

That’s lovely, thank you @remaininghopeful23 x

Sorry to hear she's making comments. Maybe just give her a short sharp "Mum, stop your nasty comments as they are unnecessary and uninvited. If I ever want your thoughts I shall ask, otherwise just keep them to yourself" then change the subject. If she doesn't listen and adapt her approach then be more blunt and tell her just how downright rude she is being.

My mum used to be terrible for this kind of comment but thankfully has eased off in the past few years. I think everybody above is right: be straightforward with her that it's not helping and that it's actually causing you additional anxiety which you don't need at this time. Once you've told her, if she keeps doing it then you can shut her down each time by saying "I've said I'd rather not discuss my weight anymore" and if she won't listen to that, end the conversation or even leave the situation if you have to.

It's really tough when you've been so conditioned by society (and by your mum) to feel like any weight gain is undesirable and shameful but in pregnancy especially it's completely normal, healthy, and expected. Remember you have a good trump card in her incoming grandchild so it's in her interest to keep on friendly terms with you so that she can have a good relationship with the baby!

Also completely agree with everyone saying it's about her really rather than you. Definitely the case with my mum, she has lots of issues around food that she likes to project onto me ("I couldn't be happy at that weight therefore malimoon must be unhappy" etc etc). You don't need to take her anxieties on your shoulders!

Hey OP. My BMI was 35 before I even got pregnant, I’ve gained 7.5lbs during pregnancy, I’m currently 36+6 weeks.
Before I even started I was much heavier than you.

You have to remember you are growing a human all by yourself. No one else is contributing, no one else’s hormones are effected, appetite, body.
My Mum made a comment the other day about how much I’d eaten in a day, I laughed and said well I’m growing my baby.

You can always try to lose the weight after but please be kind to yourself now. You do you and continue growing YOUR baby. Ignore what anyone else says! X

I think your mum sounds like a horrible person if it was my mum I'd tell her to mind her own business and keep away from her until she apologised. What gives her the right to comment on your weight

My mum has always been obsessed by weight gain - I'm definitely more prone than the rest of the family to putting weight on so I've had the worst of it.
I'm now pregnant and she keeps telling me with a sad face that I'm going to be huge. I'm pregnant with twins for god's sake, I'm busy creating new grandchildren for her. I hope my belly does get big because it means that my twins will be big enough to be ok. It's not weight gain, it's babies.
Weight gain is my mum's issue not mine. I have far more important things to figure out such as how to be a mum! Sometimes I just find it funny when she makes the comments, sometimes it irritates me.
It's definitely frustrating though. I'm sorry you're having to deal with that. Like pregnancy isn't stressful enough!