Boss telling people that I'm pregnant

[crazycatgal]

I just wanted to check if I was right to feel rubbish about this or whether I am overreacting.

I’m currently 11 weeks pregnant and told my boss early on due to risk assessments needed etc. my boss initially asked (5 weeks ago) if she could tell 4 members of the senior leadership team, due to support needed for parts of the role I can no longer fulfil. She asked permission and I agreed, no issues.

3 weeks ago I was absent from a meeting due to my booking appointment, the meeting was attended by my boss, the 4 people who already knew about my pregnancy and 4 additional people. Someone asked where I was and the boss said ‘Oh CrazyCat is at a midwife appointment.’ I then came back into work the next day and had people congratulating me on my pregnancy when myself and my partner hadn’t even told our close family yet.

I have now found out from 2 more people at work that 2 weeks ago she was talking to them about their roles next year and added that I would be on Maternity leave into the conversation. There is no reason why these people would need to know this.

I don’t know if any more people have been told about my pregnancy but I am aware of 6 people who have been told without my permission, all before I was even 10 weeks pregnant. I feel incredibly annoyed and upset by this but haven’t said anything as I wouldn’t even know what to say.

Ugh. Very disappointing for you. I can understand you not wanting to tell everyone so soon for all kinds of reasons - at a minimum, you might just want to enjoy the news privately with your OH for a while. Perhaps she hasn't been pregnant herself so doesn't know that kind of thing?

She could have said that you were at an unspecified medical appointment without making it sound like a big deal.

Mainly your boss sounds inept/thoughtless. Did you tell her not to tell anyone else? Some people need it all spelled out for them in short words. Have you asked her not to tell anyone else?

I would absolutely bring this up. That's not OK and surely most people know this. You're entitled to tell people if and when you feel ready. I would tell her how disappointed you were to hear from other people and let her know she never had your permission. You gave her explicit permission for those 4 people and that's all. You can go as far as you like with it but as a minimum I'd be letting her know how upsetting it is and that it's just not something that is ever ok. Sorry you're facing that stress!

Thank you both, yes you're correct my boss is older and doesn't have children of her own.

She was very careful to ask permission about the first 4 people who I agreed to tell and stressed that these would be the inly people that she would tell so I didn't think to then say please don't tell anyone else. Maybe I should have?

I kind of see that with not having kids she wouldn't understand the worry of early pregnancy and not wanting everyone to know.. But I still think the majority of people know not to share other people's pregnancy news so it's not really an excuse on her part.

If she was careful to stress that these would be the only other people to know then I really don't think you needed to say not to tell anyone else. That's a given. I can't say I understand her line of thinking or why she did it. If it were me, I'd need to say something so that she knows it was not her place and a breach of your privacy.