When did you know?

[31andconfused]

Ill be 32 this coming September and child free. When did you know you wanted them?

My issue is I don't feel old enough to have them, mentally I'm just 18 year wanting to go out and party 🤣 which in reality I don't as I've responsibilitys.

Also the financial side of things.

I find it embarrassing too like how do you tell people ? 🤣

I just don't want to be 60 with no family , although with kids I know that isn't a guarantee.

Thank you

So many answers to this and so much depends.....
I suppose I would say on my experience a) you are never ready (although solvent, happy relationship, watching peers, feeling able to cope yourself, wanting something more / meaningful etc, helps) I found myself pregnant all of a sudden at 29 (I was on the pill and due to get married, big career) but that was sort of that, happy enough, wedding dress taken out 3 times, very tame honeymoon, everyone looking forward. Baby son was stillborn. I had 4 more children after that, last at 39, probably went into overdrive a bit because of the heartbreak of the first made me realise how much I wanted to be a mother, and something I have never regretted. I think had I planned it all, I would have had two mid thirties, and it all would have been discussed etc.

I always wanted kids.
I at least knew in my teens but even as a child I knew I wanted to look after babies. My whole life I’ve naturally had other babies and children gravitate towards me, my sister was the same.

as soon as I was old enough to understand marriage, kids, partners, etc. I knew I wanted 4.. I wanted to start a family by 23.
none of this happened 😂
im 10 years on and almost halfway there after a history of losses.

I realised having the right father for the kids and being secure within myself and career was important to me before brining another human into the world to try and do it “the right way”, by that I mean what I think is right - not society.

always will wish I had started earlier but life works out the way it’s supposed to. my reasoning, I’d love to have more energy.. but even then, I may not have had any more energy 5 years ago.

my dh wasn’t ready at the same time I was - and i respected that too. Now I’m done but he wants more! Time for compromise 😂

I suppose the only thing I can say is, for me the environment was important. I needed to know I would be able to provide, ensure support was around us and that i had had my “fun”. Those days will come back! But I am enjoying the motherhood phase where I actually have no interest going out anymore.

it’ll come to you, work on being the best version of you first so you can be the best for your kids.

Oh I also agree with pp, I don’t think anyone is truly “ready” for such a huge life change. But you adapt and figure it out quite quickly!

Always knew it was something I probably wanted, but I didn't feel ready at 35! Then I did at 36 - LO born when I was 37.

I always knew I wanted them. Had an accidental pregnancy at 19 whilst I was on the pill. DD1 born just before I turned 20. Obviously, DH (only my boyfriend of a few months at the time) and I didn’t feel ready but I knew I couldn’t terminate.

We waited to try again until we both had jobs, bought a house and got married. I was getting desperate for another one by then and it took over a year TTC DD2. I felt so ready for another baby but immediately panicked when I found out I was pregnant.

We then ummed and ahhhed about a third, DTD once without proper protection but then decided to stick at two. A couple of weeks after that decision, I took a test just to be sure after the one time and two lines appeared. DS is now nearly 3mo.

I haven’t felt ready for any of them but they were all so desperately wanted within a few months of conception (and about a year before with DD2). I now definitely know we’re done which is new for me. DH feels the same luckily! All done and dusted a month before I turned 30!

If you want children and could support them and you’re in the right relationship, I would say don’t wait until you feel ready because it may not happen. In fertility terms, time is not on your side.

I was exactly like you, kids were always "one day"

Then I hit mid thirties, got married, DH was super keen for kids and I realised it was now or never. So we stopped preventing a pregnancy.

I got pregnant within a few months and I have to say there was a few weeks of "yay, but oh shit" and then more of sticking my head in the sand until the 12wk scan. Now, at 20 wks I'm looking forward to meeting my baby, but still a bit worried about the changes happening to me and my body. I'm a planner and there is so much you can't plan, but it's also normal to not feel ready and pregnancy is not all positive thoughts and excitement.

I think it's always been in the back of my mind, but the pull had been stronger from about 28 onwards. Suddenly got all mushy about babies and kittens etc.... 😂

Last few years have been a real "get my life together" situation in terms of having a stable relationship with a really good guy, establishing career to a good place to take a pause, getting ourselves comfortable home-wise and financially etc... ready to give parenting our best.

Not sure what you mean by tell, but I would be cautious telling others you’re trying unless you’re very close, it’s not always straightforward. We just got the place where I felt like we’d done enough child free stuff, we had enough money and house space, good jobs etc. you can’t wait for a perfect time, it will never happen. And you can still have fun yourself as a parent, just a bit more scheduled!

I always knew I wanted kids but didn't feel ready until I was about 33 only met my parter when I was 31 and we only managed to buy our first home when I was 34 so that all played into it unfortunately we had trouble conceiving so it took us another 2 years to get pregnant after we started trying I'm 37 now and have a newborn. Even if you aren't ready to have kids yet I would strongly suggest you get basic blood tests done to check everything is ok from a fertility point of view and if you have a partner definitely get their swimmers checked at least then you know where you stand.

Always wanted kids. Could've quite happily had them at 16 with my then boyfriend (silly, silly girl!). Then was on a cycle of finishing school, uni training to be a midwife, met my now husband, moved in together, got engaged, got married (age 27) collected a couple of pets. As I got 'older', I started to say to my husband that actually the older I get the more comfortable I was and maybe don't want children. He was quite relaxed either way.

Then one fateful September night I had this overwhelming NEED for a baby that turned into quite a tearful episode. Got pregnant that cycle, miscarried then got pregnant with our son 2 months later (now nearly 2).

I always wondered why my husband didn't need much persuading, and he maintains it was because we had good jobs, financially stable, owned our house, had been married a while, had travelled a bit and had good friends and family support, so we felt ready and it made 'sense'.

Fast forward and we've just moved to a larger renovation project home, both been promoted with better pay, just started to feel settled again and I find myself unexpectedly with child again and slightly terrified 😂.

Even when I knew I was still the same as you OP! I can’t describe the feeling of knowing, I just had an urge to have a baby and every time the test was negative my heart ached a bit especially if I saw a baby in public.

when I told people I was pregnant I was almost embarrassed like “hi we’ve had sex!” And financially I don’t think your ever ready, you can always save more money or buy a bigger house etc I just knew that we had enough in savings and our incomes were high enough to support me being off work

I always assumed I'd have kids but as I was getting to late 30s and the guy I was dating was proving to be not 'long term', I decided now was the time to get proactive. I joined a dating agency (this was before internet dating), met a man at 39 got married at 40, first child at 41.
The alternative was having one on my own (not keen) or none at all. So thought I'd give the dating thing a go before deciding between the other two.

DH knew before I did. He said I smelled different and told me to test (we had been "trying" for a couple of months).