Pregnant and scared!

[TanJ18]

Hello
i I have just found out I am pregnant, I am 36 have two kids already who are at primary school. It was a “surprise” to say the least. I am feeling really emotional, we are due to go on holiday in 6 weeks and I am a petrified flyer so usually have a wine to get me on the plane! I just don’t know how to feel right now.. worried about my age, flying, how the kids will react, if it will change our family as we are etc any advice would be really appreciated
xoxo

I would say don't worry about your age. I had my second at the end of last year when I was almost 37. No different to my previous pregnancy and labour at 33. Good luck OP x

Hello fellow shock third pregnancy person 👋🏻
I, like you also had a complete meltdown, actually I spent most of the first trimester either crying, worrying, feeling sick and sorry for myself or angry. I'm 13 weeks now and have come to terms with it (mostly).
Do you want to go ahead with the pregnancy?

@Tryingtoconceivenumber2
Thank you xxx

@readyforroundthree
Not just me who's been in shock! Bless you xx
I don't know what to think or feel at the moment. I have only just found out this week, and still haven't got over the shock. My last two pregnancies were not the greatest but I am so blessed to have the two I have. I think I am just really quite scared being honest with you, scared of the pregnancy mainly and this holiday is right in the first trimester and I don't know if I will be poorly again or not. My two are both at primary and this is like starting again and I feel really frightened xxxx

@TanJ18 I completely get it. I had two holidays booked in the first trimester, one at 8 weeks and one at 10 weeks and I still went to both. If anything being away actually made me feel better.

My eldest is 8 and my youngest is 3 so we were also starting to get a bit more freedom, no more nappies, sleeping through the night etc. For me the fear has got easier but I still haven't told work, haven't told some of my family and my husband hasn't told any of his family, our kids don't even know. It's been a complete mental shut down where if we don't talk about it then it's not happening 🤣

@readyforroundthree
Oh wow very similar ages... my eldest is 7 and my youngest who's 4 starts school in September as he will be 5. I am a very frighted and anxious flyer and which does not help either I even looked at cancelling but it's too close as it's in August but the kids are so excited about this holiday so don't want to let them down! Aww did you find getting away helped? Thats nice to know that xx thank you for taking the time to talk to me xx

@TanJ18 please feel free to message me anytime, it's so helpful speaking to people who are going through the same thing ☺️

Hello, another very scared third time mum to be here! My kids are just turned 6 and 3.5, so will be 4 and almost 7 (preschool and year 2) when the new one arrives, and I’m 37 so very similar.

Also unplanned and timing couldn’t have been worse - my boss told me on Monday that he’s planning redundancies in my team and I found out on Tuesday 🤦‍♀️.

And then to cap it off I’ve had covid this week as well so am just all over the place. Please tell me this is going to be ok?!

You think yours is a shock, 42 and pregnant over here with number 2 after 10 years of secondary infertility, certainly thought that ship had sailed, have a 10 year old, our lives are settled, what on earth are we going to do with a newborn??! Terrified of all the complications, the age gap and my age. The universe has a sick sense of humour. Trying to feel joy but mostly feel terror. Sending strength to everyone struggling

Congrats @Latecomer81 and everyone on the thread.

I could barely sleep last night thinking through all the scenarios. Will my kids love a new sibling or be jealous? Am I going to have enough time for all of them? I work full time atm and enjoy my job. What if the baby has additional needs?

I have had all those exact same thoughts and there really is no answer anyone can give that will settle those thoughts. We just have to go through the motions, do all the tests, put plans in place to make sure we can cope as best we can. My main concern is energy, I’ve had low energy for many years after a virus. One child has been manageable as a young 30 something year old, not sure how two as a mid 40 year old will get on but I have to deal with the situation as it comes. We’re all dealing with unique challenges but it certainly can be done, and as women we do have such inner strength and can do hard things. My oh is scared shitless and trying to convince me we shouldn’t go through with it, there’s so many reasons to not go through with the pregnancy but I’m not sure I could cope with a life time of regret. I’m coming to terms with the thought that it will be easier dealing with the challenges of being an older parent than the guilt of denying my son a sibling. So pissed off its now and not when I was 37, that’s when we first started trying again for a second 🙁

Hey 👋 my surprise baby is now 5 months old, like you i was soo scared of how she would change things, the loss of freedom - my kids were 13, 11, and 8 year old twins so they were all becoming fairly independent and starting all over again really freaked me out, my OH wanted to abort, and i didn’t get a good reaction from my 11 yo son- he cried- and right up until she was born i was still freaking out about starting all over again but the second she was born it was pure love from both mummy and even daddy, couldn’t imagine life without her now, she is absolutely adored by everyone- even grumpy big brother who cried lol xx

I love hearing stories like that ❤️

Following as I have just found out I am pregnant with my 3rd. My DDs will be 2 and nearly 4 when the baby arrives. I am scared shitless!

I’ll join the panic club, found out this week I’m pregnant after a whole adulthood of infertility and needing fertility treatment to have the two I already do have, and I’m not even in a stable relationship 😩 there’s only two options and I’m petrified of making the wrong decision 😢 xx

It's so nice that there are many others on this thread who are feeling exactly the same. I felt so lonely in the first trimester but for anyone who is feeling terrified like I was, the shock will start to lift and be replaced by acceptance and a bit more calm. I will be 14 weeks on Tuesday and whilst the excitement hasn't hit me yet, I'm feeling so much better.

It will be worth it, its hard to feel excited with all the what ifs even in the later weeks of pregnancy you might not feel ready, you feel scared, i kept saying to everyone its both the perfect time to have a baby and not, financially we were the most stable we had ever been, relationship wise we were doing great, kids were all doing great (i have 2 autistic kids aswell) but also having a baby could have ruined all that, but all the worries/ stress/ fear disappeared when i saw her, and now she makes everyone smile and everyone adores her, shes the unexpected little light of happiness in our house now lol xx

I feel your anguish. 10 years of infertility here on my partners side, we have a 10 year old already so his fertility must have just dropped off a cliff after he was born. Anyway, fast forward to now when I’ve already grieved for the family we wouldn’t have and I discover I’m pregnant at 42. Our relationship is strained, we’re in couples therapy, and I’ve also just discovered it’s twins. The decision weighs heavy on me. On the one hand I have the opportunity to give my son siblings which has always been the driving factor, on the other it could be a high risk pregnancy with negative outcomes health wise, and I’m terrified of damaging my sons relationship with us. It’s all a bit of a mess and I’ve been glued to this forum for advice/support. Hopefully you’ll find some clarity with your situation it really is hell.

@TanJ18 how are you feeling about things? I oscillate from excitement to fear every couple minutes. Can't stop thinking and worrying whether this is going to be a mistake.