Boyfriend told parents about pregnancy

[whitenoise24]

Hi all,

Would just like some perspective please as I think I'm just spiralling.

I'm 6 weeks pregnant with second baby and we are super happy. My boyfriend wanted to tell my parents so we did, I wanted to hold off until the 12 week scan but he was keen to tell so we went ahead when we saw them a few days ago. I know they will keep this news to themselves and will not tell a soul.

He's just come back from a day out and has told me he's also told his parents. He didn't tell me he was going to do this. I know it's only fair that he tells his parents too but it's different. His Mum is NOTORIOUS for gossip, and can't keep a secret to save her life. He has 3 siblings and I know there is no way she's going to not tell them. His mother has told me some of his siblings deepest darkest secrets that I know they would be mortified if they knew I knew, so I just know she is not going to keep quiet. As soon as she's off the phone to one person she'll be ringing the next to tell them what she's found out.

He's well aware of what she's like and we always always joke about never telling her anything we don't want the world to know and Im so so annoyed he's told because I know everyone else will know by the end of the day. I just feel like its our news to tell and I wanted to keep it secret for a bit longer and get a bit further along whilst I try to manage my anxiety. If I could trust his mother I'd absolutely have no problem them knowing as my parents do, but she cannot be trusted.

If Id known it was a 'well we've told your parents so we need to tell mine' thing I would have made sure they all found out together after 12 week scan and was in no rush to tell mine in the first place.

Am I being ridiculous? Please be kind, Im feeling super anxious and just need some perspective.

x

It’s done now and whilst I would also hate the gossiping, he was probably really excited and wanted people to know.

How annoying. He probably got very excited. I would find it so so hard to keep that quiet from my own parents. I'd be annoyed too but it's done now.

I know you are anxious (I was too!) but even if the worst happens, there is no shame involved. If anything, in a way it's better that family know so they don't ask too many questions and can be there for support.

Knowing what his mum is like I think it would have been respectful of him to have asked you to be ok with that first. I can understand him being excited but if she's a massive blabbermouth it's a bit risky and puts you in a vulnerable position when you want to be the person to share that news... not her.

Shame she can't be trusted to keep secrets and is still a gossip...

I think he should have asked. Also if you told your parents together, it would have been nice to ask if you wanted to tell his mum together. Do you think he pushed you to tell your parents so he could tell his mum?
Theres nothing you can do now though so I’d maybe try to let it go and take this as an opportunity to set expectations for any news going forward.

You're all right, he was just happy so wanted to share the news. I'm sure he's full of regret now the moment has passed and he's remembered what his mother is like.

In terms of her now knowing not to ask too many questions or being there for support now that she knows, she is the exact opposite of this and is incapable of being aware of anyone else's emotions or listening to anything that I say. She genuinely has never heard a word that comes out of my mouth and doesn't care to engage in conversation with me because she's too busy prepping what she's going to say next. You sort of just have to surrender and listen rather than trying to force her to listen to you. It infuriates me every time I see her as its so RUDE and makes me feel completely dull and worthless.

She just loves to talk, she will just be happy she has something of note to say to other people and will love to make it a drama. Along the lines of 'oo how are they going to cope with two under 18 months' 'god imagine the chaos in the house' 'can you believe she's pregnant so soon!!' etc...

I realise I have a MIL problem and this is the case regardless of what stage she knows about the baby, I think Im just pissed off at her generally haha.

xx

He should have discussed with you first really. But it does seem fair to tell both sets of parents. But I also am not someone who got the whole waiting for 12 week scan point - I told early and had a miscarriage, I actually found it easier because of that. Told early again with current pregnancy. There’s no shame if something goes wrong, I wish more women would share early so it becomes known how common miscarriages are

Yes, you are being a little unreasonable. Your boyfriend sounds excited and it’s reasonable to want his family to know as well as yours. If you didn’t want the gossip, you shouldn’t have told anyone, including your parents. Lesson learnt! Enjoy your pregnancy and your partners excitement ☺️x