Anyone else struggling through pregnancy with a toddler?

[reabies]

Hi everyone

I'm 14w with my second and really really struggling. I've felt rough from the start, and now the nausea has subsided a bit I still have an almost constant headache and still feel so tired.

I also feel really low. I told my boss about my pregnancy just after my 12w scan she reacted really badly. There is a chance I won't be able to travel overseas to an important conference later in my pregnancy, but that will be determined closer to the time - if it's still a low risk and healthy pregnancy at that point there's no reason why I can't travel. She is annoyed about this.

I feel really demotivated from making an effort at work because of this, and I'm struggling to feel motivated to do other things too. Just feel so tired, defeated and miserable. I always thought I wanted 3 kids, but I don't know if I could hack another pregnancy feeling like this. Baby is due in December which I know will race around, but feels like everything is moving so slowly.

And I feel anxious about my toddler. He's absolutely fine, I just get moments of paralysing anxiety where I'm worried something is happening to him at nursery or when he's out with DH. I feel overwhelmingly emotional about anything happening to him. Then when I'm with him I'm so exhausted and struggle to have the energy to be fun and cope.

Is this normal? Anyone else struggle through pregnancies when they already had kids? Anyone been put off having more because of it? I'm going to speak to my midwife about my mood but don't know if I'm being overdramatic and it's just normal hormones and fatigue getting to me.

"She reacted badly". Your boss is not allowed by LAW to discriminate against you for being pregnant. Read up on your rights and don't let her bully you. How dare she make you feel you are letting her down?

I didn't work whilst pregnant with my second, which was twins, but I do remember so well that sense of growing inadequacy to look after and manage my toddler. I look back now and remember those afternoons after his (long) nap I could hardly drag myself through...I couldn't play with him or face meeting people..we would just watch endless thomas the tank engine between 4 and 5.45 and then slog through to supper and bed.
You aren't even getting a nap!!
I suppose looking after yourself is the most important thing here and valuing yourself and giving yourself permission to feel fragile.

Vitamins, good food, rest when you can, enjoyable leisure time, when you have it, shortcuts. Getting support from friends and family (I failed to ask for this at the time)I wish I had taken advantage of these things. My toddler was only 22 months when twins were born.
Life with babies x 3 was much better than pregnancy!

Vitamin D deficiency had been an issue for me too, I now realise, which v much contributed to low mood. Sunshine and check your levels. Under 35 level is Deficient.
You could ask midwife to do your bloods, in case there is anything physiological going on to do with fatigue and low mood

Thank you so much - you have absolutely nailed how I'm feeling and coping (down to the thomas the tank engine on repeat!). I have fridays off with DS and used to absolutely love them, but now I feel so shattered by mid-afternoon that I'm finding it hard to enjoy this time. And then I feel guilty because he won't be the only one for long and this time is precious. We have had whole afternoons and weekends of the telly on, and I feel like I'm letting him down. And I had such a rough pregnancy with him, I can't even tell myself 'you'll feel better in a couple of weeks, just push through' as it feels like a lie.

At least when he's at nursery I know he's doing fun and engaging things, but then I can't even rouse myself to give a good go at my job. Just feel like crying all the time.

I feel even more disappointed by my boss because I was so open and honest with her about my plans to have a baby this year, so it wasn't even a surprise. She's just annoyed about the conference timing and I think being really short sighted about it. I'm employed by an overseas company with fast and loose HR policies, so even though I'm on a UK contract, protected by law here etc, the attitudes are very different to any good UK employer.

I am really going to hold on to your last line for when I'm feeling down. Life with two will be infinitely better than one & pregnant.

Thank you - I will check on this! I am taking a pregnancy vitamin which is supposed to have all the recommended amounts of vit d, folic acid etc, but after this eternal winter we're having (bar the last 3 days of sunshine) I wouldn't be surprised if my vit d is out of whack.

They did do my bloods at the checking in appointment but no ones mentioned anything since then so I guess they didn't flag any issues. I'm seeing my community midwife in 2 weeks so will bring it up then.

I'm also really struggling with 2nd pregnancy, toddler and work. It feels so different from the first time when we were really looking forward to becoming parents and didn't quite know what was in store for us! Everything feels like a monumental effort, I feel really low, isolated fron my friends, and I cant really muster the will to do anything about it. My toddler is really struggling with (not) being in control, bossing us around, being mean to his Dad and having new outbursts of crying and shouting and making demands.
Love my job but can't be bothered with work!
Sorry not to have anything constructive to add but just sharing where I'm at. You're not alone!

@daisysteiner85 god yes mine is horrible to DH, I don't have much time for DH's hurt feelings with everything else going on, but if it was me who was being treated like that I know I'd be gutted 😅It's so hard when DS doesn't really have a concept of what's nice or mean or why saying 'go away daddy' at 7am just is not a great vibe to start the day.

I feel the same, really demotivated at work, just can't be bothered to make an effort. Just want the baby to be here and at the same time worried about how everything will change when they do get here.

I have to say though I am feeling better than I was when I first posted! I brushed off my boss' bad reaction, and I've had more energy in the last week or so. So I'm hoping this continues through the second trimester as I definitely felt worse at this point in time with pregnancy 1! Hope the rest of yours gets better as well!!

@reabies I'm glad we're not the only ones. It's so frustrating for both of us because I feel like I can't do everything but I can see it really shuts DH's efforts down.
I think DS is struggling between wanting to be a baby and growing up, and is more aware of how little control he has so wants to exert his power, plus the brain surges/big feelings but oh my gosh it is a lot.
I think a part of why I'm feeling so rubbish (for lack of a better word) is that last time I was under the impression that my old life would carry on pretty much as before with a few baby adaptations. This time I realise that the old life is not possible any more, for now at least, and that we're going innnn to next level parenting and family-dom.
It's defo up and down!
Glad to hear you're on an upward swing. Long may it continue - and best of luck with the coming months!