Feel so lost - abortion or not?

[Lizzie67384]

I feel so lost - I have a beautiful 6-year-old son, who I love more than anything, I have always envisioned myself having at least two children.

My son's father abandoned me during pregnancy so I raised my son alone. Although it was incredibly rewarding, I struggled massively at times.

For the last few years, I have been desperate to get pregnant - I have recently come out of a short relationship (6 months) and am pregnant (6 weeks). At first I was absolutely elated but now I feel differently, I don't know if I can cope with my son and a baby - mentally, financially, emotionally etc. The father of the baby has made it clear he wants nothing to do with it, so I am really unsure of what to do.

I am nearly 36 and feel like this is my last chance to have another baby - should I terminate and accept that I'll only ever have one child or continue with the pregnancy?

Thanks for reading.

Personally I'd go with your first emotion, which was elation. Most women have doubts/ wobbles even those in long term relationships. Only you can make the ultimate decision though. I wish you the best whatever you decide x

From your tone and everything you've said, it sounds highly likely that you will regret an abortion but you won't regret keeping the baby.

He may want nothing to do with the baby but it is his child and he should be helping to support it.
I think you will be horribly unhappy if you abort this child, you have done this before, you can do this again.

Agree with pps. You wanted a baby, you were elated. I'd lean towards keeping your baby.

Also agree that even if he wants no contact with the baby, he cannot refuse to pay CM. Same with your other ex btw.

I don't think you'll forgive yourself if you abort. It'll be hard but you can do it. I have a just turned 6 year old and a 9 week old. I do it all alone, mentally, physically, financially etc. I'm exhausted but it's worth it! X

Why do you keep having babies with men that don't want to know any potential children they have with you? You were desperate to get pregnant with someone you had been with only 6 months?! Of course many women are single mothers with no input from the fathers but why keep choosing that path?

I wasn’t ‘desperate’ to get pregnant with him - I was desperate to have another baby. We were using condoms and one split, which resulted in my current pregnancy. But thank you for your lovely advice hun xx

Congratulations x

Having babies is always hard, yes you will have it harder then most. I think key for me would be how ds would feel about it. Do you think he would love having a sibling? Excited about having a bigger family? If he would struggle with it that will make a hard situation worse.

Not to say you shouldn't do it, children don't know what they want necessarily just a factor to consider, you know him best.

At 37 I relate to the feeling of last chance and I too would keep the baby. Do you have a decent support network? Secure home? Reliable income? Does ex1 provide child support? Is ex2 likely to? Do you have a spare room? Can you build up savings?

Get practical. Babys don't have to be expensive but knowing you have room for error in your plans will help your feelings out doubt.

Just ignore them, such a rude response from them and completely uncalled for.

I think keep the baby personally as you are only going to kick yourself further down the line with guilt. Anything can happen and he may change his mind later on into the pregnancy. I wish you lots of luck xx

Thanks! Unfortunately my DS is very much against a sibling, he has literally never asked for one and when I brought up the subject he got very upset. So I’m leaning towards no :( xx

This might be because all they know is you 2 together so adding another to the equation might just be confusing for them and perhaps bring on worries? I definitely wouldn't rule it out yet and perhaps have more conversations with them, they may come round to the idea and then make a decision.

Can I ask you something without any intention of hurting you?

Did you actually want two children or did you really want another pregnancy so you could hopefully enjoy a "proper" pregnancy with a loving partner and an equal sharing of parenting etc? Sometimes it's easy to get confused between two very separate issues.

For me, it was more the fantasy/idealisation of redoing things with the love and support that my first partner should have shown me. And the first step of that ( in my mind) was a new partner and pregnancy and the rest would naturally follow. The baby would make everything better. How unlucky could I be to choose so poorly twice? Yeah. I chose that badly twice. Thankfully I realised my mistake was due to trauma and abuse by my first . I had an abortion, did intensive therapy and unpicked my trauma and within 3 years I had settled down with a wonderful man and we had another 2 babies and are still together 22 years later. But that would never have happened without the therapy .

Are you happy to be a single mother again, doing it 100% alone? How will you feel if one of the fathers suddenly changes his mind and wants to work up to 50/50? Will you be happy waving one child off, creating that divide with them? It's a very complex thing and the only reason I ever decided to have more children is because there was zero chance of my ex getting in touch as b he was incarcerated. I could never have divided my children.

Hello, of course! To be honest, I’m not sure - as a child I always wanted a big family (I’m one of 4) and as time went on I felt like I really wanted just one more to go with my DS.

However, I can’t be 100% sure that it’s not tired in with the thought of having a happy relationship with a father who is involved.

I’m 35, almost 36 so I think if I don’t go ahead with this pregnancy then I wouldn’t have any more in the future.

It’s very difficult - originally I desperately wanted another baby but now I’m pregnant I’m having massive doubts, I feel like it would negatively affect my DS and I’m not sure I’d be able to cope mentally. I also suffered from depression when I was pregnant with my son and am worried that will happen again.