Third Trimester Sadness

[HashB]

Hi All,

Not really sure why I’m writing other than the selfish hope that someone else feels as crappy too.

Im 30 weeks pregnant, this is my 4th pregnancy but the first 3 ended in miscarriage. I should be jumping for joy and appreciating how lucky I am but I feel the total opposite.

I’ve ended up with quite a ‘big’ career, really through luck more than anything and I never thought I cared that much, but now it’s coming to stepping back for my mat leave, I suddenly feel protective over it and everything I’ve worked for.

I live 250 miles from my hometown and haven’t ever made a solid social circle where I actually live. My friends at home are due similiar times and it’s dawned on me they will get to do this together, while I just feel so lonely.

I’ve had anxiety and depression problems in the past, and I’m really worried that with lack of sleep, hormones and a lot of time at home with the baby by myself that this will raise its ugly head again.

For the last week or so I have felt so teary. I often wake up in the night and cry. I just have this overwhelming urge to pull a duvet over my head and sleep but I want to stay asleep for weeks.

I feel like such an ungrateful idiot who needs to appreciate what I do have, but for some reason I’m consumed by the negative. Is anyone else feeling this way?

Awe you're going to be fine. Just the huge changes and hormones being all over the place just now. You'll be able to join all the baby classes and get a whole ew set of mummy friends. Don't be to hard on yourself. There are lots of baby groups that offer a lot of support. Speak to your midwife and tell her how you're feeling. Best of luck and congratulations 🎊

We live 100 miles away from our families. Moved to a new area a few years ago and knew no one. Like you I had friends back home who were due at a similar time.

The initial weeks were lonely, however when ds was 3 months old I joined a baby group mostly for a routine. I thought I would struggle to make friends because it feels like small groups already paired off. However I met three friends from there when ds was five months old. We have now finished the baby class but still meet up and are even going on a spa day together.

I also made other friends through bumping into them on a local walk or from swimming. So having a baby has opened up access to people who I would never have met before.

@HashB sorry you're struggling. I'm also 30wks after three previous losses and if you're anything like me, it will have been quite a rollercoaster getting to this point of the pregnancy. Having had previous losses doesn't change what a big deal it is to confront the reality of becoming a Mum etc and all the change and so on. It's a bit daunting! Read up on 'matrescence' if you're interested - basically discusses how the transition to motherhood is a massive life stage shift akin to adolescence. Very interesting.

I would definitely let your midwife know how you're feeling and request some input from the perinatal MH team. It's exactly what they are there for and they can get things in place to support you. You may be at increased risk of postnatal depression so it's good to raise it now.

I agree with PPs - early motherhood is a fantastic time to make new friends. I didn't really have any local friends when my son was born, and by his first birthday we had a whole new circle of people from baby classes etc. We've since drifted from some who I didn't really have anything in common with other than kids the same age, but I have a core group of 3 very close friends now who are just the best friends I could hope for. They've even supported me through pregnancy loss etc and just been fab. We've got a spa day booked in a couple of weeks for one of their birthdays.

You will be fine - go gently on yourself. 🥰💕

It’s the hormone changes and anticipation of the life changes! Are you doing an antenatal class? I’m 24 weeks and we moved recently so I don’t know anyone, hoping antenatal classes will help meet others, I’ve also met others at pregnancy yoga and Aquanatal classes.