Do I keep the baby or have an abortion?

[alternativemom09]

Hello, I’m in a desperate situation and I have absolutely no idea what to do and could really do with some advice/opinions. I found out last week that I am pregnant, it was an unplanned pregnancy and it came as a real shock especially as my partner had the snip a few weeks prior! I already have two gorgeous boys, 9 years old and 18 months old. Myself and my partner weren’t planning on having anymore children hence the reason he had the snip however since finding out I’m pregnant again I’m overwhelmed with what to do. Myself, my partner and my two boys all live in a two bed apartment and my partner is facing severe financial hardship, he’s also not in the best of health as he’s had two back operations, still suffers with his back and will also have to have both his hips replaced at some point as well. My partner said he would love to have another baby but he just doesn’t know how it would work due to living in a small flat, financial issues, I’m not working and he also worries if it’ll impact our current children. He also said he’s worried about both our mental well-being, how we would cope and the fact we’d never have anytime to ourselves anymore as we wouldn’t have the money to really do anything just us two as well as not having a lot of support around us making childcare very hard. Even though I know what the ‘sensible’ most ‘responsible’ decision may be I’m still in two kinds of what to do. Do I have the baby and ultimately find like very very difficult and myself and mr partner ultimately being affected because of this and my current children or do I have an abortion which I’m so worried I’ll regret as I’m already constantly thinking of the what ifs and what baby would be, look like, be like etc and I’m already overwhelmed with so much guilt just the thought of it but everyone I’ve spoken to think this is the best most responsible route to take but I just don’t know what to do 😢😢

@mycatisanarcissist it wasn't a telling off, I've been there.

Just don't think referring to the situation as frustrating is right.

@trampoline123 I did use protection. And it’s obviously failed, my partner had the snip a few weeks ago and I’m now pregnant so I obviously fell pregnant before his procedure which is what makes it frustrating

@AndiOliversGlasses no so my oldest I had him when I was 19 and he’ll be 10 this year and he has a different dad to my youngest whose 18 months whose dad is my current partner been together nearly 5 years

Only you can make the final decision but I would put the children you already have first, can you cope with another child without causing issues for them?

You sound like you want the baby. It's not a hypothetical baby/situation, the baby is already created. Many people absorb another child into their family. With your other one being so young you must have all the baby stuff already so that helps. Money can be worked around. If you're already at home with the kids I think you're in a good position to have this one.

5 people in a 2 BR house would be insufferable for me. I wouldn't want to make things worse by brining another child into the family. I would have the abortion. I have had one before because circumstances weren't right (no longevity with the father of the baby) and I don't regret it. I always feel if you're young enough there's a right time for having another baby.

It really sounds like having another baby would be extremely hard for all of you. I wouldn't in your position.

Your body, your life, your choice. No one here can tell you what to do. You may regret either decision.

Your first thought however should be towards your current children. How will this affect them?

Don’t you have to use protection for a few months after the snip and get confirmation that it’s worked?

Honestly op, unless you can find money to find a bigger property, i would have an abortion. In my situation i would abort a third child regardless, but i also have a friend who has too many kids of the amount of bedrooms and is suffering terribly from exhaustion as none of them can sleep properly. Do what is best for your existing family.

I think what other people would do isn't necessarily helpful for you? If you're feeling torn, then counselling sounds a good idea for you to have space to think it through. I wish you the very best whichever path you decide.

Your existing children are already here. What you do now impacts them massively.

I know it's really hard but thinking about how a baby might look, gender etc is frippery when you actually consider the impact on your kids. It's not just a 'baby', it's the next 18 years of them all growing up, fighting for space etc.

I would abort knowing that I've put my kids first. But it's your body, your choice.

I would try to make it work, be creative with the layout of the sleeping arrangements, the living room could be a bedroom/sitting room. Look for work once the baby is a bit older, shifts around your partner, or create an income self employed.
I've had an abortion and no regrets however different situation, I wasn't living with my bf and didn't have that stability, I actually couldn't wait for it to be over and knew it wasn't the right choice for me to go ahead.

I wouldn't be bringing any more children into a situation that you have described as "extreme financial hardship". None of the children would thank you for that later.