DH is anxious about upcoming arrival of DC1. Are there any good ‘books for dads?’ 📕

[HeyHayHei]

As in the title really. We’re expecting our first child in a few months and it turns out DH is quite anxious about it all. How we’ll cope not just in the baby years but also when they’re a toddler. He didn’t have the greatest upbringing and he’s said previously he’s ’worried about how to be a dad.’

He is a fabulous uncle which I appreciate is different but he often fails to see his positive attributes.

I wondered if anyone had any ‘books for dads’ recommendations that might provide decent practical advice but also offer reassurance that it’s okay to have some nervous anticipation about it all?

Hey OP. Type into google ‘books for first time dads.’ So many come up and you can see the reviews on them, some good ones on eBay and Amazon

There are loads, Dh also made me watch videos about how to give a baby a bath on youtube which turned out to be helpful.

Honestly how to bathe a baby, how to wind a baby, how to change a nappy, what colic/reflux are/ feeding schedules (helpful if you decide not to breastfeed)/ safe sleeping and reading up on sleep cycles will get you through the first few weeks.

Also compulsively reading mumsnet to figure out if my baby was broken (DH spent the first 2 years of Dd’s life starting every other sentence with “mumsnet says…”).

Also general parenting books are good, I found the explosive child helpful in dealing with my toddler, also Phillipa Perry’s book was good too.

They big thing to remember is they aren’t trying to piss you off. It’s ok to put them down and walk away for a while to gather yourself if you start feeling angry. I didn’t have the best childhood and I really struggled but keeping your temper is the thing you have to watch out for most. If you can keep calm everything else is easier.

'Life Hacks for Dads' and 'Commando Dad: Basic Training' are both quite fun and also useful. My DH read both of these before DC1 was born as friends bought him them and he passed them on to his DB in time.

A bit tongue in cheek but I bought this one for DH.

My husband has been listening to an audio book of this and really enjoying it. I want to listen to it so I know what he’s been hearing 🤣

https://www.amazon.co.uk/DONT-PANIC-Stuff-Expectant-Needs/dp/1800960085/ref=asc_df_1800960085/?tag=googshopuk-21&linkCode=df0&hvadid=534959025250&hvpos=&hvnetw=g&hvrand=15263454748508116138&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=&hvdev=m&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=1007369&hvtargid=pla-1391294805803&psc=1&mcid=71b413c2a29539ceaa3cb29c6ad6913b&th=1&psc=1

Thanks all for your suggestions!

We read quite a few books. People said to me no book can prepare you. I dismissed them. They were absolutely right.

I absolutely do not recommend the commando book that’s been suggested

part of its advice is to wear noise cancellation ear defenders to block out the crying. Terrible advice, you shouldn’t ignore a baby crying

honestly just forget about any parenting book. Regardless of how many you do or don’t read you’ll both end up doing what feels natural and right to you. Your instincts are far better than any book. Your baby will sleep, feed and poo for quite a while, you don’t need a book to prepare for that, and as they start to do more you’ll just do whatever is right to you and your baby

stay calm.
if you can stay calm you can handle anything. You can never spoil a baby.

Get the "dad pad" for the basics 😊

My experience is my husband and I quickly learnt how to do all things baby but what’s been most helpful for both of us is speaking to friends who have recently been through this (or making new friends in the same position). It’s not rocket science, keeping baby well, but it is bloody hard in the beginning and having that moral support / validation / people to cry on, has been priceless in the way no book can match

I second Commando Dad, taught me and DH everything we know 😆

Man vs baby is great. Me and DH read it together before DD1 was born.

Commando dad basic training. Good fun and made my DH feel much better.

I’d really avoid anything specific for dads. Beyond the birth and breastfeeding, you are equal parents with the same ability and capacity. Look for parenting books instead and ideally read and discuss together. But also most of it is instinct and you’ll learn as you go. And for Christ’s sake, never ever criticise or take over from him once baby is here. I see it so much and it’s the worst thing you can do