Positive test but head all over the place

[glovepillow22]

I had a positive test on Thursday and subsequent positive tests since... I feel like 💩, I thought this would be an exciting and giddy time but really..

I'm emotional, bloated, terrified, anxious with the odd waves of positivity but generally mourning my old life already and thinking what on earth have I done...

For context, this wasn't planned but it also wasnt prevented and kids was always on the cards for us at some point and I realise I am very fortunate to be in this position as I know there are so many that struggle so trying to rationalise my feelings as much as possible.

Is this normal?! Anyone else the same and when did it get better?

Sorry if this offends or upsets but I need some reassurance 😕

Are you me?

I feel exactly the same
But trying to focus on the positive. It IS a big scary change and it would be weird not to be freaked out. And the early arrival of hormone stuff is horrendous, I've basically felt like I've had food poisoning all glorious sunny weekend, realising there'll be no fun pub or festival times (not as I knew em) this summer, worrying about the money and the future... But know that isn't going away forever necessarily and a whole bunch of amazing other stuff is coming too now.

It's all totally normal and all part of a massive months long adjustment. One day at a time! Is your partner being supportive?

@GingerPing thanks for replying, glad someone else is in the same boat!

Your right it's the end of some things but the start of others, just really happened to love my life anyway!

@GingerPing he really is but I can't help feeling a wee bit bad for not being excited or over joyed like he is but really hoping it will come xx

Hey
I spent 80% of my pregnancy feeling this way. And mine was planned, albeit earlier than planned.
To be completely blunt and honest, I almost terminated as I immediately thought my life was over and wished it had never happened.
I saw perinatal mental health but they took so long to see me it was pointless. I started on Sertraline which helped me think clearer and by the end of my pregnancy I was feeling a lot better.
dont get me wrong, I was never head over heels in love or ‘bonded’ during pregnancy so I felt like I wasn’t normal.
my baby is now 4 weeks old and whilst I’m still adjusting and that isn’t easy, it’s no where near as ‘awful’ as I’d imagined in my head.
Im still getting used to him being here and getting to know him but I often feel like I’m looking after someone else’s baby sometimes - occasionally I’m like oh god I can’t believe I have a baby 😅
It is more common than you think and nothing I said in my few sessions with perinatal surprised or shocked them.
It’s a huge life change - it’s scary, exciting, daunting, fear of the unknown is real!
Also, I absolutely loved my life too. It was so easy and chilled. It’s ok to love and miss that but it’s not over, you’re just adding too it ☺️
Hope you’re okay x

Thank you @Nightowly - I really hope I can get over myself in the next few weeks and I'm sorry you felt so rubbish but sounds like you are coming out the other end now 😊 thanks for replying and making me feel reassured I'm not the worst person on the planet!

OP, I've been in exactly the same position as you. We weren't actively trying for a child, but we also weren't preventing it, and I found out I was pregnant in January. I was absolutely terrified, thought what have I done, my life is over, why have we done this, I have a lovely life now etc. I then spent the next few months sick as a dog, people told me "that's good, it means the baby is healthy" but when I was being sick for the 10th time in a day and having recurrent chest infections, it did not help. Anyway, I am now 23 weeks pregnant and I'm in a completely different headspace. I have had lots of scans and can now feel my little boy wriggling away and i am beyond excited. Don't get me wrong, I am still scared and anxious, but I am also so happy. I would say what you're feeling is completely and totally normal, it is such a massive life changing thing, it would be odd if you weren't experiencing these thoughts and feelings! From my experience, it will get better, when you have scans, when you get movements etc, it really helps you to connect with your baby!

Thank you @WickWood - sounds like you had exactly the same experience .
I could actually cry again but this time with relief 😂
I love my life and everything about it and had you told me I couldn't have kids I would have been really devastated but now it's happening I'm like oh my god what have I done. I don't even know whether to lean on friends who have been pregnant for support as nobody really admits to feeling like this in my experience x

What you’re feeling is completely natural. My son is nearly 5 now and was a totally unplanned pregnancy (I’d only been with his dad a matter of months!). It IS scary, and if you aren’t scared to an extent then you’re crazy or woefully naive! Yes, your life is going to change and I won’t lie to you it’s not always sunshine and butterflies. I found the first year tough and felt a real sense of having lost myself.
BUT I promise you is it so, so worth it.
The love you have for this little human can’t be put into words, it’s greater than any other love you’ll ever experience. Once I stopped mourning “the old me” I realised that motherhood made me a much better person in so many ways. I wouldn’t even want to imagine a life without my little boy anymore. It’s like I lived my life in black and white before him but I didn’t know any different at the time. Then he came along and brought all this colour to my life and I could never go back to living in black and white again.

This is absolutely normal! It's such a rush of emotion! With my first ( who is now 11) I remember feeling so weird and having lots of emotional moments about things I wouldn't be able to do ( even though I'd never wanted to do them before) it definitely faded. Same with my daughter who was very planned, and I'm now 7 weeks pregnant with my 3rd ( after several years or trying so VERY planned) and it happened again!

Oh and the thing you said about people not really admitting to feeling this way, this will go for so many aspects of parenting! It’s part of this stupid culture we have of not wanting to admit we aren’t the perfect parents (no one is!) and that we don’t love every single second of it (no one does!)
If you identify a mum who is a bit more normal and honest about it all, keep them close! These mums are like bloody unicorns these days.

I firmly believe that people who are a bit more meh end up happier parents because they have realistic expectations. I hated being pregnant! Love my kid.

I feel exactly the same. I found out yesterday and I haven’t even told my husband as he is away. This was unplanned but not preventive and I’m so so terrified. I keep thinking it can’t be all negative but that’s all I can think about!

@DogMom96 hope you are OK!

@glovepillow22 thank you! You too. I think I’ll feel better when I’ve spoke to another human being! Feel like I’m going mad in this house staring at tests haha

This is all really reassuring. Thank you for posting. I’m in a bit of a strange situation. I’m 35 with two teenage children and just found out I’m pregnant with an unplanned 3rd baby. My husband is not excited about it and I have come close to feeling like I need to terminate but I just don’t think I want that. I feel absolutely terrified and so anxious about the change in our lives. So many worries keep coming to my mind and I can’t sleep!

My son was very much planned and longed for and I still had a big 'oh craaap!!! It's really happening now! Everything is changing!' moment after the BFP. I'm also currently 30wks pregnant with my second after 3 losses last year. So again, a super wanted baby... And the reality of him actually coming along and joining our family now has recently given me a couple of terrified moments! He is obviously so wanted but also... Gargh! Life is changing all over again and it's a lot and what if I/we can't cope etc etc...!

This is all actually very normal and I can only imagine how it gets amplified when a pregnancy isn't fully planned/the timing catches you by surprise.

There is a term 'matrescence' which refers to the life-stage/experience of transitioning to motherhood. In Psychology it is seen as a massive time of change akin to, for example, going through adolescence. Massive hormonal shifts, mindset growth, maturation etc... it is unsettling. To say it wouldn't be would be quite crazy when you think about it.

What I can say though is that, your love for your child will be like nothing else. And you will amaze yourself with what you are capable of for that little person. With the benefit of having done it once, I can rationalise my concerns this time round far more easily and I know we will adapt and that before we know it, we won't be able to imagine life without him in it.

Go gently on yourself. Also, know that you do a lot of developing and preparation as the pregnancy progresses. The you who gives birth is not you now. You will be far more ready by the time you meet your baby. 💗

@Rainbowrose1 I'm also pregnant with an unplanned third and it's taken a huge emotional toll on me the last few weeks. I'm going ahead with the pregnancy, I'll be 11 weeks on Wednesday but I'm still not excited or happy. I know I'll come round but I'm utterly terrified.

I love this 💖

We tried for 12 years and after several unsuccessful rounds of IVF and fertility treatments I'm now finally pregnant and 37 weeks..even in our situation I still have had the oh crap moment because in my head I never got as far as actually having a baby..it was always just the next scan or appointment. DH and I have been together over 20 years and very much enjoyed our life of holidays and doing what we wanted when we wanted. Obviously we wanted a baby or wouldn't have spent thousands on IVF but it's still a massive change to your life so I think everyone will feel a bit wobbly to some extent.