Baby in UK or US? Plus some antenatal queries..

[eandz]

Hello everyone!

We're due with our first in September (hopefully find out if its ds or dd next week!) and are trying to figure out where to have the pregnancy.

After some bleeding a few weeks ago, we have been private (via AXA PPP) with Dr Economides (delivers at the Portland), who we have been very happy with following some unpleasantness at St Mary's (they get really angry when you suggest you're considering private and told us we'd miscarried before an ultrasound ).

For the actual birth, our Blue Cross, Blue Shield US insurance will cover us fully (although by reimbursement only for the UK, has anyone else used this?). The Portland also seemed a bit dark and dingy compared to the maternity wards in Texas, so financially and for environment we're considering delivering in the US.

Has anyone else flown abroad for delivery and if so, how did you find it? We're considering going at 30 weeks to get to know the obstetrician there.

Also, in the meantime, although we've switched our consultant over to private for scans etc, should we be receiving any service from the NHS for ante-natal queries/classes etc? We haven't heard anything since our gp referred us and feel kinda bad asking him questions at random times that end up being standard things.

Thank you all for your help!

Eandz, I have also had one baby in London, and the other in Texas. I was 28 weeks pregnant with DD2 when we arrived in Houston, and first had a horrible OBG, very humiliating experience - for our first meeting I was totally nude in front open paper gown and he brought in 3 students with him, never asking my permission etc. Immediately asked some of DH's colleagues for recommendations and found a fantastic female OBG, the antenatal care was excellent, attentive (perhaps even too much so!) and fun, and the birth was wonderful, really actually wonderful.

First births are usually harder, but even taking that into consideration, I would chose Texas every time! Good luck with your decision!

Also eandz, some doctors/ hospitals won't take you on mid-way through pregnancy. I know a couple of people who had great difficulty finiding an obstetrician who would take them. One had to deliver in the ER and one was sent to a high-risk unit, even though she had a normal pregnancy. It worked out fine for both of them in the end, but not having a doctor was a big concern so do check with your insurance and your hospital if you decide to go to Texas.

I have medical insurance in both countries.

And it's a boy! Anyone else having a boy?

As far as birthing in Texas, since my mother is an OBGYN she's got all the logistics down for if I do give birth there...and the OBGYN I'll be using will be the one I've used since I first got my period. my mothers best friend. I'd also be giving birth in an amazing hospital. Only my husband might not be able to make it for the birth.

If I have the baby here in London- I would still have a great OBGYN, but I'd have to give birth in the Portland which looks amazing online, but is quite the opposite when you visit. I just wouldn't be comfortable at all.

So it all boils down to, which is more important--my comfort and quality of care? or my husband being there?

Birthing in general
Not only does giving birth scare the living day lights out of me...the fact that I'll have to have my son circumsized is really giving me nightmares.

Why do you have to have your son circumsized? Because of your religion? Or for social reasons? Because you can refuse to have it done.
What does your DH say about being there for the birth?

How can they make you have your son circumcised? I thought only about half of American boys were circumcised nowadays?

I wouldn't sacrifice my husband's presence for comfort.

yeah, we have to have circumcision done for religious purposes. i just feel soo terribly guilty.

well, it's something our religion requires for hygiene...and i'm in favor of the practice i just feel terrible about it. in the end, i'd have it done anyway...i just don't want my son to feel any pain.

eandz, I would rather give birth on the bathroom floor with DH there than in the plushest one on earth without him. And the Portland is a long way from a bathroom floor

(am also at having your own OBGYN since your first period - what do they do? Appreciate tis a US thing though)

eandz - from what I remember, the most important factors in having a good birth experience are being in a situation where you feel relaxed, where you can retain some feeling of control (often because you trust your HCPs to talk to you) and having good support. For me that meant at home with IMs and DH, but I know of another lady that never relaxed till she walked through the hospital's door but then popped the baby out in no time flat. We're all different and we all react differently to labour.

From your post at 10:19 I very much get the feeling you'd feel more relaxed in Texas about nearly everything (hospital, OBGYN) - the only stumbling block is whether your DH could get there or not. In which case the question is how do YOU feel about giving birth without him?

Is there any way you could increase the chance of your DH being there? Could he work from "home" (aka Houston) for a while, or does his employer have an American office he could use temporarily (even if he was in NY, it would be a much shorter journey). How would you feel about having your mother or another friend/relative as a birth partner rather than your husband if he couldn't get there?

Good luck making your decision .

(ps - hope this isn't innapropriate, but I used to hang out on an FertilityFriend, which is much more American oriented - the general consensus seemed to be that if you were having your DS circumcised it was well worth looking at having it done by a rabi, regardless of your religion)

Yeah, i was thinking along the same lines...but then again the only moyel (person in in the jewish tradition delegated to circumsize) I would be happy with is in tx. Because he knows better than to ask questions

It cant be that hard, can it? but at the same time i'm sure there are more than qualified people here in London. Who will be fine with doing it for a non Jewish couple.

I would feel terrible not having my husband there for our ds's arrival.

so maybe i'll just take my own linens to the portland and not look at the floor throughout my stay....or the walls.

Mrs Badger--

OBGYN-- well in the states you have to see a gyn when you start your period just for general health and learning how to take care of certain things...the importance of pap smears and stuff...in the states obs&gyn is a combined specialty. they usually do both concurrently.

hi eandz, just wanted to say, if you get a chance maybe have a read of "Birthing from Within" - it was recommended to me by an american friend and i found it amazingly helpful in confronting all the fears i had a about childbirth. And it is definitely written from a US health system standpoint which you will proabably relate to.
All the very best to you, i know EVERYONE says it, but honestly, once you have gotten to know your LO it really is worth it!

thanks eandz - sounds a bit different from reading the back of a Tampax box...

OMG, in the States you have to see a gynaecologist when you start your period???!!! Freaky. Hard to see what he/she could tell you that your female rellies couldn't, surely?

My 13yo dd1 has just had a major hissy fit at the prospect of going for a bra fitting. If I threatened to drag her for a gynae checkup I think she'd run away to join a teepee commune in Wales.

it's not mandatory for some in my family it is but thats because of my mom....it's quite common otherwise.

I'm American and have given birth here twice. I've had one birth with midwife led care, and one with OBGYN care. There was no difference in the prenatal care. Got the same scans and prenatal testing, and really in both all they did was catch the baby. The midwife had a different approach (was more calm) but that was it. I delivered both in the same hospital.

eandz--Why did you see an obgyn when you started your period? I don't know anyone that has done that.

Oh and both mine have been circumsized. It's not a big deal. Mine have been done by a doctor in the hospital before they were released, but if it's for religious reasons you would probably want it done outside the hospital.

I didn't go to the GYN when I started my period, I don't think I went until I was about 20 or so - but I do think it's a good idea for teenagers to go. I have very open female relatives, but I wouldn't necessarily take medical advice from them. I just think it's worth it to have annual check ups to make sure everything is okay - it's good practice in general just like seeing an eye doctor or dentist.

You don't usually see a GYN, though. It's usually an NP - a practice nurse - who does routine well-woman care.

I didn't see anyone until I went to university and wanted to get on the Pill.

I've never heard of anyone going just because they started their period.

well, my moms a doctor so to get us in the habit of going to the doctor for stuff we didn't need to--i think it was because she was afraid we wouldnt take medical care seriously because we grew up in her practice.

a lot of my friends were going in to, so i always thought it's what your supposed to do.

Gawd, I'd have been mortified! I started my period when I was 11!

the habit of going to the doctor for stuff you didn't need to?

[runs away]

Hmmm, having never had children in the US and reading this thread, I think I'll be staying in teh UK for no. 3.

have you read the Naomi Klein book, expat?

scary, scary stuff