Hi guys,
First time posting on here.
I unfortunately had a miscarriage in March this year, it was super traumatic for me and my husband and it was my first pregnancy. I've been seeing a therapist to deal with the emotions and it's been up and down. My therapist at one point called me obsessive because the only thing I could think of that would help the pain and help me move on was to become pregnant again, this was only Tuesday just gone so I booked in a massage and some reiki to help settle my mind. I was due on Thursday and no signs of period, so thought oh I'll do a test, low and behold I'm pregnant again 🥳 the initial realisation that it's happening again was incredible, I'd heard alot of people can't get excited when they first find out after a loss but we both had happy tears and wanted to scream it from the roof. It was short lived of course and I've been chasing my thoughts the last few days, this pregnancy feels different to the last. We are VERY positive about this one, just my mind wanders sometimes haha.
How do other people cope with your mind constantly conspiring against you? I have my next therapy session on Tuesday so I don't doubt they'll tell me how to cope. I passed my previous at 11+2 but was only measuring 5+3, so I'm doing those clearblue tests that tell you how far you are along and I fell into this trap last time. I put myself as 4+2 today, but the test says conceived 1-2 so in my mind it should say 2-3 based on my last period 🙃 I know it varys slightly based on when you actually ovulated and conceived. So just praying the little baba keeps growing passed the 5+3 🤞
I inevitability cancelled the massage but the lovely woman said why worry about tomorrow when it hasnt happened yet. I'm taking each day as it comes and just keep reminding myself to stay positive ✨️ but it is hard some days! You're programmed to think seeing a positive pregnancy test will result in a baby at the end, and it's heartbreaking to think that it doesn't always happen that way. It's a double edged sword because I keep thinking the more I stress that little baba will take this time it's a higher chance that it won't, so I stress 😅 wuuu-sahhh. I've kept reiki booked in, I'll tell them ahead of time but I'm hoping that'll help. I regularly exercise and eat OK so I'll try and keep my mental health better that way. I suffer with anxiety anyway so I'm used to my mind running off. I've read on a different thread the worrying will stop when they're in your arms, but then they're in the big bad world. So I think parents are a special breed, I keep asking my mum how do you cope with the worry? Constantly worrying about me and my brother (we're 27 + 30) and she just laughs and says she doesn't always cope and she'll always worry about us. It's exhausting haha my baby isn't even here yet and I'm on eggshells. My head feels full at the moment, like I can't focus on anything. I'm sure it'll get better, and for every minute spent worrying I'll get a lifetime of laughter from it 🤞❤️
Sorry for the essay, but thanks for reading ❤️