What's the correct etiquette...

[jessikart]

What's the right way to respond to someone when they say 'Ooooh, you're pretty tubby!' or 'Oooh! You've got pretty big!' or 'Oooh! Are you're sure it's not twins?'or 'Oooh! you do look tired'.

Obviously what I want to do is growl 'I'm 32 weeks pregnant. I'm not going to look like Tinkerbell, you fool. My back hurts, my feet, ankles and hands are swollen, I've got SPD, constant acid indigestion, mad hormones, I'm tired, I'm not sleeping well, I'm working 39 hours a week, I have a three year old to contend with, I feel damned awful, I haven't had sex since this bump appeared, I'm sick of my horrible maternity clothes, and it doesn't take much to make me lose my rag.'

...but I think that might be construed as being a touch oversensitive . Anyone got any hints on how to handle the well-meant but upsetting comments?

Just say it. Blame it on hormoans.

I can remember when i was pregnant with ds and a man that my mum knew said. 'YOur dd has got awfully fat' MY mum was and replied'Well thats what normally happens when your pregnant'!! Cheeky old Bggr!!!!

SOme people should just learn to keep their gobs shut!!

I bet you look gorgeous and radiant!! Enjoy your last few weeks of being pregnant!

Shove it back in their face, "yes I am tired, are you offering to help out with the 3 year old?"

"What? Do you mean I'm fat?" No-one ever dares say anything straight.

"well done sherlock, I hadn't noticed for the last 32 weeks that I'm pregnant"

"I'm pregnant, what's your excuse?"

"ooh - you're big aren't you?" is starting to drive me up the wall too - and I'm only 27 weeks (and don't think I'm that big!)

Just grit your teeth and accept people think pregnant women have no feelings!

I am pregnant not deaf - is always a good response

I feel completely differently. When people start with the 'you look tired' or 'you're getting huge' comments, it gives me the best excuse in the world to have yet another whinge about how tired & fat I feel. What I really hate is people saying how I'm 'blooming' or 'you look so cute with a bump' or 'doesn't pregnancy suit you'. To which I force a very tight smile. What I want to say is NO it bloody doesn't! My hair's a mess, my skin is dry, I'm huge, I'm tired, my ankles are swollen and its getting increasingly difficult to get my socks on myself. Blooming does not come near how I feel. So, next time, join in. Don't let it upset you - I've honestly found that these comments are well meaning, if ever so slightly tactless.

Just 'smile and wave' - no-one honestly means to upset you. It isn't worth stressing about. People just like to comment on you being pregnant. I agree with vicsta just say 'yes I'm knackered, can't wait for it to be out!' and smile.

just say 'it could be worse- i could be ugly too'

years go 15 to be exact -my fil remarked that id put on weight and ws getting quite a tummy - my mil retorted well she is pregnant u know ....ohhhh he said i forgot!!!! they lived next door too lololol

"Thanks, that makes me feel so much better. No really - your comments have made my day. Honestly, that's just what every tired, hormonal, massively pregnant woman longs to hear. Thanks!"

Excessive sarcasm for the win.

"In June (or whenever) I'm having a baby, but you'll always be rude".

Have to agree vicsta. I HATE it when people said how well I was looking when pg and I hate it now that dd is 12 weeks and crap at sleeping. I feel like shit on a stick and they're telling me how wonderful I look and how much it all suits me. I just want to knife them, then give my child to the first person that knocks on my door.

Tis very vexing to have your appearance constantly commented upon, it doesn't stop afterwards I'm afraid "you've lost weight" etc (that'll be the fact I've given birth!). I have one lovely friend who constantly bangs on about the size of my norks "they're huge!" "oh they are small again now!" At no other time could people make such personal comments. Ah well, I've no advice because I just used to grin and bear it then come on here and bitch about it! It has made me stop and think about whay I say to pregnant women tho!

"Blimey, you're blunt for someone clearly saddled with so many disadvantages" would be my response TBH

Or the ever useful "yes and I'm homicidal too".

Or the ever useful "yes and I'm homicidal too".

WINNER!

I'm reminded of Nancy Asquith saying to Churchill, "Winston, you're drunk!" and him saying, "Madam, you're ugly - and tomorrow I shall be sober."

I got lots of the 'is it twins' comments in the last couple of months too, generally from middle aged men/women who'd forgotten what it was like. Amusingly I was also having monitoring/tests/scans an hospital as I was 'very small for dates'. I wasn't particularly worried by this as I'm quite a small build and my mum had had exactly the same thing (baby actually on 50th percentile both times) but I would look at them with a very serious expression and say something along the lines of 'actually I'm spending a lot of time at the hospital for tests on why my bump is so small and whether the baby is OK. You clearly don't know what you're talking about so I suggest you avoid making personal comments to pregnant women in future.' I'd then look tearful and they would be extremely embarrassed. Probably not a very nice thing to do but perhaps made them think twice in the future (even if they blamed it on hormones)