Coping with Pregnancy and Obesity

[ewod]

I'm 17.5 stone and 8 weeks pregnant, with my booking appointment scheduled for next week. I should be excited, as to get pregnant again was everything we wanted and DH and I can't wait for our 4yo daughter to have a sibling...but I just can't shake the feeling of worry, fear and shame :( [sorry in advance for long post]...

Back in September I was doing well with my diet and lost around 2 stone, so decided to come off the pill. During this time we hoped we would conceive as quickly as our first pregnancy. Then Christmas came, I gave up the diet and found it really difficult to return afterwards...quickly gaining the weight back. I was so disappointed in myself, but I didn't want to mess around my hormones anymore by going back on the pill so I kept off it. We conceived in April, with me being heavier than ever.

Since then I've found myself googling every single night. I know I should stop but I'm so scared of the added risks. I'm also fairly unfit but really struggled making the right choices lately as I've felt sicker when not eating/trying to cut back. I've used my birthday money to purchase a walking pad for the evenings but not found myself using it yet as I'm so exhausted by the time I'm home from work (secondary school teacher) and got my daughter sorted in the evenings. Most nights I fall asleep around 7/8pm with her and stay there!

I don't look forward to telling people as I worry about what they'll think. I also worry about how I'll get about in the later days; I struggled with sciatica, swelling and pain last time...but during that pregnancy my starting point was 5-6 stone lighter. I feel like I'll be a burden.

I'm sorry this post is so moany. I have a lot to discuss with the midwife at my booking appointment but hoping to reach out and see if anyone else has been in a similar situation. I feel like I'm going to need some extra support this time around and wondering where best to start aside from midwife/GP? If you've made it this far thank you so much for taking the time to read xx

Hey OP. I’m currently 32+5 weeks pregnant and was a bit heavier than you when I feel pregnant. We weren’t trying to conceive at the time as I wanted to lose a bit of weight for summer, but it happened and I was over the moon.
My pregnancy has been deemed as ‘high risk’ throughout mainly due to my BMI but also my age (39). I’ve been weighed twice this whole pregnancy, once when booking in and then another a few weeks later. My weight has never been bought up this whole time. It’s just written on my notes that my BMI is high. As I’m ‘high risk’ I have lot more appointments and scans than the usual pregnancy. I’ve lost track of how many scans I’ve had. None of the midwives, GPS, Nurses or Doctors etc have one mentioned my weight directly to me. The only issue I had early on was getting a good scan of baby due to my weight but they never told me that, I googled the technical terms in my notes.
Try and enjoy the journey and don’t worry, they are here to support us not put us down xx

PS - I’m not exactly ‘eating healthy’ although I’ve only gained 2kg the whole pregnancy and the only exercise I do is walking to the shop etc

This is my 3rd pregnancy, and my I've also got raised BMI and did in my previous two pregnancies also.

BMI is a metric, nothing more or less. It can be a tool to indicate where some people may be more at risk of developing additional health conditions, but you are not guaranteed to develop those conditions or developing complications during birth.

Make sure that your care team (and you!) are taking a holistic view of your situation. If you take BMI out of the equation how does the rest of your health picture look?

I'm lucky to have had two very normal pregnancies and births prior to this, and everything is looking good this time round too. In my previous pregnancies it was agreed that I would be signed back to midwife led care at 38 weeks and I laboured in the stand alone (no doctors on site) midwife led unit in my area and made use of the birth pool. You don't have to go down a particular pathway if you're otherwise healthy and it is what you want.

I had a BMI of 37 going into this pregnancy and also feel lot of shame and embarrassment. I was fully prepared to fight with medical professionals about it but so far have had nothing negative to say about them. Only after reading my notes did I see that my tummy fat was making scans a bit more tricky, no one said it to me at the time - I guess to save me the embarrassment. My experience so far has been that my mind says worse things than anyone else does.

Hi OP, I'm 39, heavier than you and almost 9 wks pregnant with baby no 3. Baby was not planned. I've got my booking in appt with midwife on Thursday and not looking forward to being weighed. I feel the shame of being pregnant at this size plus the worries of a high risk pregnancy and what that means for me and the baby. However. I can't change anything now. All I can do is try to make healthy choices and remain active and mitigate any further weight gain.

So you're not alone. A previous poster made a good point about not focusing solely on weight/BMI. Also it's easier said than done but try not to worry. Concentrate on the joy instead and trust your midwife/care team will put in place whatever measures are required. Don't be embarrassed to tell people. Women of all shapes and sizes have babies - chances are they will think nothing of it, and certainly your family and friends will just be happy you are going to welcome a longed for second child.
All the best x

Okay so, I have another take for you. I’m really sorry it might be a bit harsh, but I will give you a perspective.
Im a recovered anorexic. I am 34 y/o and I’ve struggled with accepting my body for 20 years now.
I am not in a bad headspace anymore, however it is something that lives with you forever, in the head and resurfaces when the conditions for it are met.

I was half your weight when I fell pregnant. I was averaging 8.5 stone and I am 165 CM tall.
Now in practical terms, let’s not think about how you feel about this emotionally or psychologically, let’s think about how does your body feel. Pregnancy is hard work for the body, we produce and pump a lot of blood, our heart is working very hard, our organs get squished, there’s a lot of pressure on our backs and extremities, ligaments hurt, we deplete natural resources like collagen, aminoacids. Our whole hormonal system changes, the way our brain works changes.
the way the pregnancy works is that we will gain more if we weight less, ladies who weight more (higher bmi), will likely gain less compared to a slim individual.
In the first trimester I gained 1.2 stone. Just in the first trimester after which I stopped weighting myself. I see my upper hands getting chubby, my tights are larger, I’m growing fat on my back (which I’ve never had in my life before this, but it is what is necessary to support the baby weight). I’ve lived a healthy lifestyle prior to this for years, I’ve been physically active, I eat very balanced and I cook from Fresh, mainly veg and good proteins. I normally do not eat anything made of white flour or deep fried, I also would not touch Cadbury’s chocolate or similar sweets. Even though I have not had any unhealthy cravings I gained so much in first trimester.
Now as soon as I hit 14 weeks, I was back into the gym. I’ve adjusted my programme to suit me now, it’s not too intensive, but I make the effort to attend gym every second or every third day of the week. I am also tired, some days I do not have energy for anything and I have a very responsible full time job.
It is okay if you do not have energy, it’s normal, but if you don’t look after your body or lifestyle you will be worse off after this baby is here.
You did not look after yourself before the pregnancy, the pregnancy is unlikely the only cause for your poor energy levels.
There is literally no way to cope with this without addressing it, you were not happy with your body before the baby and you will not be happy with it after, it makes no sense to not find any energy to get on the walking thingy or to compromise the diet if you cannot make peace with it.
I know I couldn’t and I wouldn’t l, would go insane if I would let it go.
I have a friend who has always been slim and never had issues with body image, she is also unfit and never exercised, well, because she didn’t need to, she was thin before the pregnancy. She had a sweet tooth when pregnant and was just eating whatever, she gained 3 stone in her pregnancy and now she cries about it daily because of how hard it is to loose the extras when breastfeeding.
Try do better for yourself, if you don’t you will go down the rabbit hole of self loathing. If you’re not happy with where this is going, find the will to act upon it. Personally I don’t think it’s possible to cope. It’s not a healthy option.