Hi all.
i am currently 20+5 and have truly had a lovely pregnancy this far. I’ve had no sickness, no crazy changes, nothing bad to look back on. First trimester I cried randomly over funny & silly things and slept a lot but nothing out of the norm. Symptom wise I’m doing great & feel really good in my second trimester.
However, for the past 4-ish days, I’ve started to feel really down. A bit of background - I was prescribed 50mg sertraline for anxiety in September 2023 & came off it after 6 months, it did help, however I had no side effects even after coming off so a part of me wonders if it was all placebo related. I live out of town - only around 20 mins away from my parents & sisters - with my husband, however we don’t have any friends or family in this town. My husband recently had a change to his work which means he’s working out of town Monday-Friday around 7am -5:30pm. I am on annual leave from work currently and feel really upset by this change. I’m used to him mostly working from home and having him around. I’ve never really been someone that’s great on their own, I know it can be viewed at pathetic but I just feel lonely and like I’m sat around like a lemon waiting for company when I’m alone. I’ve been trying to busy myself with hobbies but I just don’t have any interest right now with how I’m feeling. I’ve gone off reading, I don’t want to watch anything, my car currently needs MOT so I can’t go anywhere. And I just feel… lonely. None of this is my lovely husband’s fault and I just really hope this is down to hormones. But I just find myself sat, thinking that tomorrow is another day I need to get through and wait until evening for him to return. Nothing even changes when he’s home, but for me it’s security and comfort. I don’t know why I’m feeling so clingy like this, I feel
so pathetic! He also told me earlier that next weekend he has a boxing event with friends so he won’t be home next weekend. He never ever hangs with friends so I would never tell him not to go. I just feel sad and worse that I’ll be working on the weekend, he’ll be working Monday-Friday and then he’ll be gone again the following weekend. And it’s making me feel hopeless.
What’s frustrating me is I can’t put my finger on why and I feel like it’s sucking all the energy out of me. During times I’m not feeling like this, I’m wondering why I have been feeling that way which causes me to feel down again. I know this sounds so stupid so apologies. I feel like I’m driving myself crazy & because I’m thinking into it, I feel like I’m gaslighting myself into thinking I don’t feel like it and I’m making myself feel sad and low which in turn makes me feel worse.
Anyway, all I know is that right now I feel so pathetic and stupid. I’m being silly and if this feeling continues I’ll speak to my midwife. It just feels like it’s not worth talking about though as even typing this I just feel stupid. I’m very weepy these days and cry a lot in little moments, sometimes my husband sees it and sometimes I’m so inconspicuous with it he doesn’t notice. He’ll ask me am I ok and I’ll just say yes in my normal voice hiding tears in eyes because I don’t see the point in constantly telling him I feel like this when I really don’t have anything to be sad about and I don’t understand myself why I’m like
this.
Sorry for the lengthy post. I don’t even know what I’m trying to achieve with this. Maybe someone to say they’ve been in my shoes before and suddenly felt low at random, stupid things whilst pregnant? And that it gets better?