Is it weird to have a friend at baby’s birth instead of the dad ?

[Peaches92]

Hi everyone
I have posted in here before, I have a 10 month old and am currently pregnant (28 weeks) to the same father, second pregnancy he didn’t want me to keep the baby and has not been involved in pregnancy at all, fyi.

So I pretty much am prepared to be a single parent to both of my children, baby dad sees daughter once a week if we are lucky as I have gone back to work part time recently. He will occasionally message and ask how she and I are but that’s about it.
So obviously despite this I would like him to be at our baby’s birth but every time I have asked him he doesn’t give a straight answer- and says ‘oh you know I didn’t want another child’ which was fine but now I’m getting closer to the date and I don’t know what to do. My mum doesn’t want to come as she lost a baby before she had me so doesn’t want bad memories and said she will only come if c section. So I have asked my close friend (who is a man) and he says yes of course he will if I need him to. My question is is this weird to do ? I feel like the midwives etc will assume he is the dad and it might be awkward.
Obviously I would have hoped baby dad would be there even if just for the birth but if he won’t then he won’t and I can’t have no one with me when giving birth.

Thanks for reading :)

You do whatever you need to get through it. Sorry the dad is being a nobhead.

It’s perfectly fine, it’s whoever is going to be able to offer the most support

If that's the person you trust to support you and help you then do that.

My ex left as soon as he found out I was pregnant with our 2nd. He didn't give me much support at all during pregnancy.

He did decide he wanted to be at the birth close to my due date. I said no based on the fact that the person / people you need by your side are the one(s) that you trust the most and you know will be there 100% to support you. He was so far away from being that person by the time I went into labour. I had asked my 2 closest friends to be my birthing partners instead. They were both amazing and I had one holding each of my hands as DS (now 14) arrived.

Apart from any emotions, on a practical level, as women who had both had 2 DCs each by that point, they totally got it and were an amazing support.

Do whatever you will feel the most comfortable with. Don't do anything to please anyone else. Ex has a fantastic relationship with DS now. I just felt too vulnerable having him there at the birth. He saw him 30 minutes after he was born.

Good luck!

Also - midwives have come across every situation under the sun before. They only concern is that a baby is delivered safely. They won't bat an eyelid if you say your friend is just a friend and not the dad. They will barely register that!

You say 'obviously' you want him to be there but why? Just because he's the father? The person there needs to be there to support YOU in the birth and should be someone you fully trust and feel comfortable with. That can be literally whoever you want. A colleague of mine was recently a birth partner for her friend who had no one else. The only thing I would say is to make sure your male friend is fully prepared for what will happen and how to support you, especially if he's never seen a birth before (or only seen it in movies)

Good luck x

I wouldn’t have wanted someone I didn’t have a good relationship with to be at the birth. So I’d chose a friend in your scenario and I don’t think it’s at all unusual.

in fact it’s only in relatively recent years that men started to witness births.