So, I’m not really sure of the purpose of this post other than maybe some reassurance and to hear positive outcomes from others. Sorry about the length of this.
I’m currently 35+5 (FTM) with a planned pregnancy. When I first found out I was pregnant I’m ashamed to say I struggled, even though it was planned. Felt unsure that this was actually what I wanted and found myself feeling like I was about to lose all my freedoms and pleasures in life. I struggled to connect/bond and become quite low. I spoke to my GP who was brilliant and referred me to the Parent and Baby Unit for my mental health (I’ve been working with them ever since).
Fast forward a few weeks/months, and I’d started to become really excited about the pregnancy and my husband and I starting a family. At 24weeks pregnant we went to Edinburgh for the weekend for my 30th birthday and, as we were busy/walking a lot, I’d not felt the baby move as much over the weekend, so on the Monday morning (when I still felt movements were reduced), I went up to MAU. I was fully expecting a little listen in to baby’s heart, be told everything was fine and sent on my merry way. While I was there, I just mentioned in passing that I’d noticed a little more discharge than usual (normal consistency, creamy - TMI), but I assumed this was just normal in pregnancy? After triage, was seen my a doctor who did a speculum and this is when everything changed. An obstetrician then came into the room and explained the doctor had seen pooling of fluid in my cervix, which indicated my waters were leaking. He explained this was called PPROM and that when waters rupture you’re most likely to go into labour within 24-48hrs, so the procedure now was to administer steroid injections, a precautionary course of antibiotics and monitor me in hospital for 48hrs for signs of labour/infection. It was an absolute whirlwind. They kept asking me about this ‘gush’ of fluid I’d had, and I told them I’d never had a ‘gush’, just (what I thought was) normal increased discharge. The obstetrician said we needed to err on the side of caution in case the baby came early. He mentioned there’s a ‘small’ study which has found a ‘possible’ link between steroid injections and ‘slight’ decreased academic ability in school. His words were ‘we’re talking the difference between getting a B and a C in Geography’. He also said multiple times that he wanted to make it clear he was strongly advising me to have the steroids, and that if I were his sister or partner he’d be telling me to do the same. I was so scared as this had all been so quick, and I didn’t want to do anything to risk my baby’s life, nor to disadvantage him in the future, but me and my husband decided to have the steroids based on how it had been explained to us. I then stayed in hospital for the next 48hrs, and after no signs of labour/infection, and a scan which showed normal fluid levels, was sent home.
This is when my mental health took a nosedive and I’ve experienced anxiety like I’ve never known. I’ve obsessively googled the steroids and found studies showing an increased risk of autism, ADHD, mental health and behavioural issues and lifelong learning difficulties. None of which was even alluded to at the time. But this has sent me down a warren of rabbit holes for different things too. I’ve thought about all of the things I’ve done during this pregnancy (that I didn’t think twice about at the time), and googled the possible impact of this on the baby and been in absolute bits. It’s like a compulsion. For example, painting and decorating, sanding down old kitchen cupboards (‘what if that was lead paint?’), ‘have I always washed my fruit and veg well enough?’, antibiotics I’ve had for urine infections and the precautionary ones I was put on when diagnosed with PPROM. As a result, I’ve struggled with horrendous intrusive thoughts for the last 11wks that I’ve done something that is going to cause my baby to be disadvantaged in some way for his whole life and have been an absolute anxious wreck.
Given the PPROM diagnosis, I’ve been having weekly monitoring at the hospital for signs of infection and 4weekly growth scans and consultant appointments. I will also say, I’ve been wearing maternity pads and never once had anything I would describe as ‘leaking’. At all of the scans, bub has been doing just fine (so grateful), and I’ve just been told the plan is to continue with the pregnancy as normal and induce at 37weeks. I spoke about the steroid injections with the consultant and he explained that yes, there is an increased risk of the things I’d found on Google, but said the bigger risk of special educational needs is for babies delivered at 37weeks instead of 39 or 40. Given how I’ve been going (no leaking, no signs of infection and he said I could have ‘resealed’), he said he’d be happy to induce at 39weeks instead.
I’ve now googled impact of the hormones used for induction and freaked myself out about the possibility of this causing cerebral palsy.
At my most recent scan/consultant appointment on Friday, the sonographer found I now had TOO MUCH fluid (polyhydramnios). I discussed this with the consultant and he didn’t seem too worried, he said it was ‘marginal’ (I’ve since googled normal fluid levels and the internet tells me mine is more ‘moderate’ than ‘mild), and said fluid levels can fluctuate or it can be ‘just one of those things’. I had blood taken for a TORCH test (toxoplasmosis being something that can cause excess fluid, so I’ve been back down that rabbit hole again), and been checking my blood sugars for gestational diabetes, which can be another cause. After a few high readings, it now appears this could be it and I’ve been referred to the diabetic team and given some pointers on diet to help keep my levels in the normal range. I’m hoping to avoid metformin/insulin as I know having to take something else during this pregnancy will just send my head even more west. I’ve obviously also been googling the impact of gestational diabetes (including increased risk of autism, etc).
I’m now petrified about what to do about the birth. Spontaneous labour with excess fluid increases the risk of cord prolapse, I’ve already mentioned my worries about induction, so feel I’m leaning more towards an elective c section but understand that this can also come with risks for the baby’s breathing. I’m just an absolute state.
Again, not sure of the point of this post, other than maybe to vent, seek reassurance and hear from people who had the steroid injections as a ‘just in case’ and can tell me your children are now absolutely fine and thriving. Or have done/had any of the other things I’ve mentioned and can tell me it seems to have had no impact on your child’s health and wellbeing.
I feel such a heavy sense of responsibility and guilt, and feel really stupid now for having had the steroids (when in hindsight sight they weren’t needed), decorated, eaten chocolate, not exercised as much as I should have, etc etc.
I’m aware no one can guarantee 100% that everything is going to be okay, and I guess ultimately that’s what I’m after so I’m pissing in the wind, but I’ve been scouring the internet to try to find similar experiences to mine so thought it was about time I made my own post. And if you’ve made it this far, thank you so much for reading and sticking with me!
(Also, as previously mentioned, I am working with the Parent and Baby Unit for my mental health, so that’s all already in place).