Is 36/37 too old to try for a 2nd baby? And is a 7/8 year age gap too much?

[Salol28]

Hi,

Me and my partner have recently started discussing having a baby. For reference I have a 7 year old already with my ex and we've been separated for 5 and 1/2 years.

My partner doesn't have any children and when we met he was always 50/50 on if he did want any and I was the same. We have been together almost 2 years and the conversation is coming up more and more. I'm 36 and he is 33 so I feel.for me, I am getting to a point where time isn't on my side and I need to try make a decision pretty soon.

My main concerns are is 36/37 too old to start all over again when TTC?
Is an 8 year age gap going to be difficult, will I be able to do things with both children that keep them both happy?
Will they grow up close and have a bond?

Also I feel like at 36 I am more tired generally and after been at work all day and being mum to my 7 year old, I like to relax and enjoy my evening. Also my 7 year old spends 1 to 2 nights per week with his dad so me and my partner do get a lot of free time together, we wouldn't get this with having another child as we both wouldn't have much help from family, maybe very occasionally.

I feel like one day I'm 100% yes I want this and another I'm like no I don't want another baby. But with my first there was never any doubt I was always 100%. I feel like if I'm not 100% yes everyday does that mean I shouldn't?

Financially we are secure, we have a solid relationship and we have a lovely house. I just worry I'm a little too old and I'm unsure how it will be having a huge age gap. But at the same time I'd love my partner to experience being a dad and also my son having a sibling. If I was 30/32 I'd not feel like this but I just worry heading towards 40 I'm at a higher risk, I also had pre eclampsia with my first and it's likely that will return and I had a traumatic birth so I'm worrying about this as well.

Please can anyone comment if you have been pregnant over 35 and had a positive pregnancy, birth etc and also had a second with a big age gap and how that was for your first child?

Should having a second be an easy Yes or is it normal to have all these concerns and worries?

Thank you for reading !

I have a 15 month old and due another and I'm 36. My husband had 2 boys already (8 and 12) when baby arrived. Their bond is already lovely and just gets stronger as my little one is more interactive and aware. Finding stuff to keep them all happy at the same time can be challenging but does work and makes me enjoy the days when it's just my husband and baby as we can focus on just him a bit more. It's all about balance and compromise which isn't a bad thing for everyone to get used to! Good luck with the decision - I'd say more people regret not having more babies than regret having them ❤️❤️❤️

Had my second when l was 36 and eldest was 8( different Dads) they are best friends.

You are not really an older mum in modern terms, and as you have already had a baby, it should reduce any complications. I had a 6 year gap. 31 and 37. Fell pregnant in the first month (!), and birth was just over three hours from waking up, quick and easy, and a back to back too. The girls were also close, and are the best of friends. I did give up work when DD2 was 18 months old, because I could, and also because it was easier on the family. I initially went back to work, then thought fuck it, not doing this anymore.

So, that's a positive story. Not guaranteed of course, but it worked for me.

I am 40 and pregnant with my 1st via IVF wasn't how I planned it, started trying 12 years ago and it's taken this long. I was worried how I'd cope especially as my body hasn't been through this before but I'm 34 weeks now and have had no issues apart from aches and pains but it's been pretty smooth sailing. As long as you are generally fit and healthy then your age isn't really a barrier. Medical professionals are not in the least bit bothered by my age and there are a lot of women in their late 30s/early 40s at the hospital when I go for scans.

I haven't had any extras either, 35. Nobody has mentioned age at all to be honest.

I'm 38 and pregnant with my first. I have also not had any extra appointments etc, I don't think they do those (in my trust at least) unless you're 40 or over. And from the other side of things, I am the eldest of four kids and my youngest sibling is eight years younger than me. We have a fantastic relationship and are very close (and yes I know there are others in the middle but our age gap is still what it is!).

I'm 37 this month and 33 weeks pregnant with my first so I'm obviously in the it's not too old camp . It took us 2 years to convince naturally though.

39 here and due with second in June. DD is 8. Age gap not planned but due to secondary fertility but we have no issues with it and having spoken to others with similar gaps they haven't had any issues either.

This pregnancy has also gone better than the first also, no complications, extended hospital stays and preterm birth that I had aged 31.

If you want another child then you shouldn't let age or age gap put you off, you may only end up regretting not having tried.

What is so strenuous about school runs that means you would struggle in your 40's? Many grandparents do it and they manage fine

My first was born just after my 35th birthday. Currently 26wks pregnant with my second and turned 38 last December. We did have three losses last year and it's possible age played a part in those. I would recommend maybe taking CoQ10 for egg health (I started 3 months before this pregnancy which may or may not have been a coincidence).

We also have my lovely step-daughter who was 11 when DS1 came along. They adore each other. They are at very different life stages so it's obviously very different from the sibling relationship I had with my own sister growing up (2 years apart) but they are very close in their own way and think the world of each other.

Like many others on here, I know so many Mums who have had children in late 30s/early 40s and I've never felt old during appointments. Even when going through my losses, staff didn't discuss my age. And I know many older Mums who haven't had losses and younger ones who have so it may just have been one of those things.

Follow your heart I guess. You could always go the 'not trying but not preventing' route and see what happens and how your feelings about it evolve.

No, mid 30s is not too old to start trying for a baby/have a baby. 38 would be my cut off to try for a baby. (And 40 the oldest to give birth... So if I was not pregnant by 40, I would stop then.)

Don't expect the 2 children to be playmates though, as the age gap is a bit big. They will probably get on, but a 7 to potentially 9 year age gap is not going to result in them being playmates.

7 years between my DS and DD who is 18 months old now. He absolutely adores her and her him, he is a massive help in entertaining her/reading her stories etcetc, she is constantly shouting up the stairs for him when he's not here, as soon as he is home she runs up to give him a hug, zero jealousy either side.

Honestly couldn't think of a better age gap! Also, I'm 35 and thinking of trying for our third in the next year or so when I'm 36/37.

Lovely to hear so many successful and happy outcomes. I actually think the age gap might not be as bad as what I had in my head. Me & my sister are 18 months apart so we are super close always have been so I think I just assumed anything over a few years might mean that they won't bother much with each other. My sister has a 1 year old and my 7 year old actually loves pushing him round in the pram, playing with him and feeding him etc so I do think he'd find his own ways of playing with a little one but yes they won't necessarily be into the same things at the same time.

Ultimately it is a huge desicion and I think my worries of having a newborn again are normal as the first time round you really don't know what to expect and this time round I know how hard it may be but I also feel better prepared in a lot of ways.

Thanks everyone, appreciate your honest replies of advice. X

I'm 36 and pregnant with my second. I hope to have a third probably around 38/39 and don't feel too old at all. My friends are all in very similar positions so it's the norm to have babies in your mid - late 30's. I don't think there's a perfect age to have a baby or a perfect age gap for siblings although people will try to tell you there is.

I don't think it's about age rather than if it's right for you and your family or if you feel very settled as you are.

I had my first at 21, and second at 31 - 9 year age gap - with my husband who isn't my first dc's biological dad. I'm now pg with my third, and dc2 has just turned 5 so technically another age gap 😂I'm 36 and please god in October will have kids 15, 5 and a newborn. To be honest, from your posts it sounds like you're keen on another and just needed some reassurance. If it's a dealbreaker for your partner (not sure if it is) that's something you'll really need to think about and discuss.

Where did I say it was strenuous? My parents do it when I'm working and they're in their 60s 🤣
Ive enjoyed doing the school runs in my 20s and early 30s, will be looking forward to a whole different stage of life in my 40s 🙂