Help me deal with MIL visit please.

[Jaggy1]

Firstly, normally I absolutely love my MIL we have always gotten on so well and could hang out with her for ages with no issues.
I’m currently pregnant with the first grandchild.
MIL is staying for around 10 days to help decorate the place. This is such a huge help and it really is appreciated.
I have just started a new job role this week and am in the office all week, I just feel I’m losing all control over the house. I’ve picked the nursery colours etc and they will decorate it as such but it’s just feeling like it’s growing arms and legs and now she’s deciding we need a million other things done. She’s criticising plans we’ve made for things and nitpicking about things around the house she doesn’t like that just don’t need done. I hate that I’m not there and can’t have any say during the day what happens and just feel a bit hopeless. i came home from work with some bits still to do but had to go to my mums to get work done as the place was just a disaster everywhere. Whenever DP and I have a conversation without her she comes over asking what? And needs to know what we’re talking about and won’t leave it until she’s involved. I never feel comfortable in our house when she is around and can’t just do my own thing without feeling like we need to be entertaining her all the time.
i know I’m just mad and writing it out it doesn’t even sound like the end of the world but I’ve just been working myself up for this visit worrying about it and not feeling at home when I’m having a really stressful work week and not being able to come home and relax is really hard. I’ve been working myself up in circles and crying over it all the time and it’s only been 2 nights!

i know I’m being ridiculous but how can I help myself in this situation, I’m trying to just focus on how good a help it is cos she’s doing such a good thing but then it comes to going home time I just have a pit in my stomach dreading it! Don’t know if it’s some form of nesting just want my home to myself and I need someone to give me reasonable advice and talk some sense into me before I snap over absolutely nothing 🫣

I think she’s overstepping
if you want to help someone you ask them what they’d like help with, you don’t just criticise them and overrule and decide what you think is best.
if shes normally lovely you could assume she’s just got a bit over excited and carried away.
I think you need to put some polite boundaries into place and have dh back you up.
just keep saying things like thank you mil but we’d really prefer to do it this way. You could even speak to her and tell her you’re feeling a bit overwhelmed by how much there is to do, and you’ll feel much better if you can just concentrate on a couple of things at once, not be making decisions multiple times, just stick with what you’ve already said etc. Then it’s not attacking her, and if she’s nice she’ll figure it out and just want to be supportive

Agree she's overstepping, even if the intention is good and she's just overexcited. It's a good job you've got a good relationship already!

Maybe you can explain your nesting instincts are kicking in and that although the help is brilliant you feel it's a bit overwhelming? If you explain exactly how you want her to help (e.g. making sure it's your decision and you have control), it sounds like she'd probably be responsive to that.

It's also a good idea to set boundaries now, rather than when you're super hormonal after the birth and pushed to your limit!