Positive next birth after traumatic birth

[Iseverythingrosie]

I am 24 weeks pregnant and dreading birth second time around.

My first vaginal birth ended in veuntouse, a retained placenta and a post partum haemorrhage which took 5.5 hours of surgery to rectify and weeks of difficult recovery post birth.

I am waiting to speak to the birth choices team but wondered about any positive next births after trauma?

My first birth was traumatic, it still upsets me to think about it. my second was blissful and incredibly easy! I think the first one stretched me out a bit so the second one was out in three pushes!

It's been six years since the first time around so not sure how that will impact on things. How long between your two?

I had an awful first labour aged 17!
It was 36 hours long: back to back, lost lots of blood, had to have vontous delivery. I was traumatised! I didn't bond well initially with my daughter, I was in pain after, had to stay in hosp etc.

Anyhow, 5 years later I had my son. I opted to have c-section as I was so worried. At 31 weeks pregnant, I had a blood clot on my lung and they decided that a c-section would be too high risk. I was petrified.

Anyway, I had my second child by induction, first off I loved being induced, I was in a controlled environment. I made it crystal clear that my consultant had to write 'patient to have early epidural'.
I had an epidural when pain became intense, and then I had him safely a few hours later .
Totally different experience. I absolutely loved it!

Then skip another 10 years from second child, and I've just had my third and last baby, again, I asked specifically early epidural and I requested to be induced a week early. They agreed.
I went in and it was planned, I had my own room with partner.
When I was in labour but only 1cm, I asked for anethatist to come up to my ward early to complete all epidural paperwork so when the time come, I could have it. They did this and when I asked for it, I was able to have it, again a lovely fantastic birth. So lovely I'd do it again tomorrow!

Don't be put off, be clear on what you would like to make next time better, and request it :D

I had a traumatic first - retained placenta and haemorrhage, lots of blood lost and went straight into COVID lockdowns. My second was much better, very quick labour, less tearing and quicker recovery. Things that helped me:

• I raised it early with the midwife team. I suffered a fair few panic attacks thinking about giving birth again and just raised the flag to say I was struggling. They were great - so I would recommend shouting about how you're feeling.

• I did a birth review with my birth notes - this was helpful and gave me some acknowledgement that what happened shouldn't have really happened, and reassurance that there were steps we could take to ensure it didn't happen again

• I did a tour of the labour ward to go back to where I gave birth last time and had the emergency surgery (same hospital etc) and try and tackle my fears that way

• Had additional therapy - something around rapid eye movement, which was helpful, and gave me coping strategies

• Had it all over my notes so when I went into a slight panic when I actually went into labour it was handled well

I had a 3 year age gap - the second was born within 40 mins of my waters breaking! Totally, totally different experience. Good luck!

Two years between

Thank you all for sharing your experiences. My first was an induction so was hoping to avoid this at all costs as I believe my body was being forced into doing something it wasn't ready for. I was induced due to choleostatis and am keeping an eye on the itching this time.

I think going over the notes would be good. One health professional has made a passing comment about my delivery not being anything out of the ordinary but it definitely did not feel that way to me!!

I have been weighing up C-section however I'm now going to be on my own after (relationship breakdown) so this seems to be the scarier option recovery wise.

My first birth was horrific, don't like thinking about it but it involved being induced, assisted delivery, hemorrhage, week stay in hospital and a list full of other things.
Four years later my second birth also being induced was a complete opposite experience and went amazing. It felt like my body just knew what to do this time and had done it before so was quick and easy! I also fully recovered sooo quickly I couldn't believe the difference!

@bearcubb this is what I think I needed to hear, that even though it's the same process it can be so different. Did you discuss your options with anyone for second time around beforehand?

Traumatic first birth ending up in emergencyC - 2nd and 3rd 'normal' and easy recovery.

Yes I discussed all options at length with my midwife, i was also offered an appointment with a consultant to discuss options purely because of the first birth. I was offered a C-section, but for me I was just as nervous for the recovery with an older child to also run around after. Looking back I wish I didn't waste so much time being scared but I guess I couldn't help how I felt. Listen to your gut instinct and go with what feels right! X

How many weeks were you when you had the appointment to discuss with the consultant? I suppose I shouldn't be worrying so much this early on but of course it's been on my mind since I saw the positive!

Second birth I had a PPH and two attempts to remove the retained placenta, one without any pain relief and the other in an operating theatre with a lovely spinal, and I am still a little traumatized by it many many years later.

My third birth was quick and easy, with no problems with the placenta.

I got a bit obsessive during pregnancy, but I never actually found any information that made me feel better or more in control. It just stressed me out more. I really just had to let go and allow the process to happen.

I did have a named midwife who delivered my baby, and she totally understood my fears. But that was a long time ago and I'm not sure if you'd get that now in the NHS.

I hope all goes well. I can totally imagine how you are feeling.

@ZZTopGuitarSolo
Thank you for sharing I think this is me right now potentially obsessing. I had no birth plan whatsoever first time around figured I'd just let what happens happen but clearly that didn't go particularly well either.

So glad to hear your third time around was quick and easy.

Currently have a low lying posterior placenta partially covering exit so I probably shouldn't be thinking so much until I have the scan to check this as choice could go either way still.

My first birth sounds really similar to yours and throughout my second pregnancy I was worried to the point of seriously contemplating termination and having some disturbing intrusive thoughts surrounding the birth. I felt trapped and in need of an 'out'.
When a colleague recommended hypnobirthing when I was about 6 months pregnant, I thought I'd listen to the CD she'd lent me purely for my own benefit, just to try to relax a bit. Something really made sense to me and it was as if a switch flicked; I went on to book the home birth I'd hoped for the first time around and, after some fairly sporadic practicing of the hypnobirthing techniques, I went on to have the easiest labour and birth at home. No pain so no painrelief, not even two hours from start to finish, and straight into a warm bath and my own fresh, cosy bed with DD2 straight afterwards. It can definitely be done, OP and I wish you all the best x

@EveSix wow a home birth following trauma how amazing, I haven't even considered this. I thought I'd be lucky to get in the labour suite and not on the ward this time.

Getting into your own bed after sounds wonderful 😊

Make sure you ask to meet with consultant MW before birth and they can go through all your options with you. Some units need you to have a plan in place prior to labour.

With a previous retained you do have a higher chance of it happening again, however if prepared it can be acted on quicker to help reduce blood loss. I personally had a retained placenta. It is awful!

I have cared for many women who have had traumatic births and had subsequent healing births on the midwife led unit.

I cared for someone last week with what sounds like a very similar 1st birth to you. She went on to have a beautiful waterbirth with minimal blood loss and no tears. Home 12 hours later (could have been sooner, we just wanted to keep an eye on blood loss due to last time) We just had a plan. We had a 2nd MW present in the room for an extra pair of hands. The obstetric team were aware incase we needed them so we could get straight to theatre. We had the drugs needed in the room. We put the baby on the breast soon after delivery. We emptied her bladder quickly when the placenta was showing resistance.

Wish you all the best and hope this birth goes well! Feel free to message me if you have any specific questions.